DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been trying to buy a house for the past year. I feel like every time I find something that I want and that will work, something goes wrong. I have all of my money and credit in order and am ready to pull the trigger, but there’s a problem with either the property company, the lender, the Realtors, the sellers or the house, or something else will feel off that makes me hesitate on finishing the contract. I have had to back out of four different deals for all different reasons.

I am ready to give up and stay where I am and keep renting. I am unhappy where I am, but I feel like anything new is going to be a step down now. I need some light to keep me focused. How can I stay motivated? -- It's Never Right

DEAR IT’S NEVER RIGHT: Have patience. Buying property is a big decision. Trust your instincts. It’s better that you walked away from four different deals than to have signed yourself and your resources into something that you regret.

Pause for a moment and think about what you really want in a house. What are your top priorities? Write them down so that you can have your list top of mind as you consider other properties. Take your time and follow your list. You will find the right property for you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My job has a promotion open, and I want to do my best to get noticed and be considered for the position. There are many people at my job that have the same idea in mind, and it is like a madhouse at work. Everyone is crunching to get their work done and trying their best to help out the big boss.

I don’t want to be ordinary and do what everyone else is doing. I want to be unique, but I don’t know what I can do to stand out. I’m doing my work and volunteering where I can. I come to work early and leave last. What else can I do, and what do bosses expect when looking for the right person for a promotion? -- Best Candidate

DEAR BEST CANDIDATE: Think about the position. What are the requirements for it? What does your company need to be successful? What qualities do you have that are well-suited for the role in question? Why are you "the one” for this role? Spend time answering these questions. This is where your uniqueness comes in. What about your education, job experience, personal experience and relationships makes you particularly right for this role? What about your temperament, ability to work with others and perspective on the work at hand are assets for your company?

After you consider these questions very specifically, write down what stands out about you for this role. You need to be able to answer the question “Why me?” in terms of why you should be hired. Once you have that answer, consider writing up a proposal that pitches you for the job, telling your employer what you can offer to add to the bottom line, describing your brand of leadership. You can proactively offer your pitch to your employer, making it clear that you are interested and prepared to do the job. Meanwhile, continue to do your work to the best of your ability with as pleasant an attitude as possible.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Happy Thanksgiving! I want to wish each and every one of you a happy, healthy season of love and connection to family. This is the time of year when so many people are focused on family, yet it is different this year. Indeed, 2020 has proven different in myriad ways.

We have been living under the invisible veil of COVID-19 for many months now. So many of us have lived in some form of perpetual quarantine in order to protect ourselves. And right now, the surge of spread of this virus is requiring us to be ever more vigilant. Scientists suggest that one way that outbreaks are spiraling out of control is through intimate family contact. Small gatherings of loved ones who let their guard down and do not wear masks are a current culprit in viral spread, primarily because -- according to these scientists -- the virus can be transmitted by people who have no apparent symptoms.

My intent is not to scare you. Instead, in the spirit of family love and connection, I am reminding us to be vigilant. I long to be with my family, including my 91-year-old mother. We are choosing to be together via videoconferencing to ensure that we do not infect anyone. What are you choosing to do? If you decide to spend time physically with your loved ones, please be mindful to keep your distance and wear a mask -- except when you are eating. And while eating, please keep your distance.

I say this not as a political statement -- at all. I say it as a love statement. My plea to all of us is to be able to be with the loved ones we hold so very dear in the safest ways possible. Let’s not risk each other’s health because we want to be together so badly. It is possible to have both if we are cautious.

Like many of you, I am very close to my small family. Typically, my husband, daughter and I drive about five hours to be with them because Thanksgiving is notoriously a high-traffic time of year. We choose to share this time together. This year, we are choosing to do it remotely.

I hope you will all pause and consider how you can show your gratitude for each other safely. Envision your personal way of engaging family and friends with love and commitment, not missing a beat in terms of making your devotion clear without putting anyone in harm’s way.

My mother talks often about counting our blessings, especially during hard times. For this Thanksgiving, let us all count our blessings. We are here. We are alive and able to express our love. We are grateful for the opportunity to connect with the people who matter in our lives. We can embrace this day with fullness of heart and an abundance of joy.

We can also use technology to keep close to one another. I often think about the value of technology partnered with humanity. Technological developments are amazing and can make it possible for us to see and talk to each other no matter where in the country or the world we are. Let’s use all of the means we have to share our love. And if we intend to spend time with each other physically, let us do so with an abundance of caution. We are all worth it. Happy Thanksgiving, all!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I bought some expensive shoes, and my husband found out and told me to take them back to the store. Bills are tight, and he was counting on using the money to buy our car new tires. I took them to the store, and they told me they don’t give refunds. My husband was understanding and told me to keep the shoes, that I deserve them and he would figure out a way to get the money for new tires.

I felt guilty for not talking to him before a big purchase, so I was able to sell the shoes to someone and get the money back. But my husband was upset that I got rid of the shoes after he told me to keep them. He feels like I keep undermining him as a man, but I was only trying to right my wrongs. I’m so confused. Did I do the right thing? -- Gender Roles

DEAR GENDER ROLES: What you need is clearer communication. It’s understandable that you felt guilty after not communicating your desire for the shoes to your husband before buying them. Your guilt, however, continued to drive your actions without keeping your husband in the loop.

Now you two need to sit down and talk. Tell your husband you were not trying to undermine him. Explain that you felt bad and wanted to right your wrong. You now realize it would have been much better to talk it through with him. You could have mentioned that you would look to see if you could sell the shoes. Who knows if he would have liked that idea? To get on the same page, make an effort to talk to each other more and work through your issues and differences. This should help to bring you closer.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiancee and I are police officers. We met on the job, and I would tell her while we were dating that one day I would marry her, and she could quit the job so I would know she would be safe.

Now that we are engaged, I brought up the topic of her quitting, and she just keeps brushing it off and making excuses. I didn’t make a fuss because I know she loves the job. Now she is pregnant and still wants to work desk duty until she delivers the baby and wants to return to work after delivering the baby. I don’t think we both need to be working full-time and putting our newborn baby into daycare. How can I approach this conversation and get her to understand where I am coming from? -- Stay at Home

DEAR STAY AT HOME: It sounds like you told your fiancee many times that you would make it possible for her to stop working after you were married. Did you ever ask her if that’s what she wanted? Your note sounds like you made the presumption that she agreed. Did she ever tell you her desires?

Right now, it sounds like she clearly wants to keep working. You two have to work this out together. You cannot decide for her what she is going to do. As a family, you need to talk it out, figure out options for child care and your careers. Just because your thinking makes perfect sense to you does not mean that she shares your beliefs. Do your best not to try to coerce her into your way of thinking. Talk it out and make a plan together.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)