DEAR READERS: Happy Thanksgiving! I want to wish each and every one of you a happy, healthy season of love and connection to family. This is the time of year when so many people are focused on family, yet it is different this year. Indeed, 2020 has proven different in myriad ways.

We have been living under the invisible veil of COVID-19 for many months now. So many of us have lived in some form of perpetual quarantine in order to protect ourselves. And right now, the surge of spread of this virus is requiring us to be ever more vigilant. Scientists suggest that one way that outbreaks are spiraling out of control is through intimate family contact. Small gatherings of loved ones who let their guard down and do not wear masks are a current culprit in viral spread, primarily because -- according to these scientists -- the virus can be transmitted by people who have no apparent symptoms.

My intent is not to scare you. Instead, in the spirit of family love and connection, I am reminding us to be vigilant. I long to be with my family, including my 91-year-old mother. We are choosing to be together via videoconferencing to ensure that we do not infect anyone. What are you choosing to do? If you decide to spend time physically with your loved ones, please be mindful to keep your distance and wear a mask -- except when you are eating. And while eating, please keep your distance.

I say this not as a political statement -- at all. I say it as a love statement. My plea to all of us is to be able to be with the loved ones we hold so very dear in the safest ways possible. Let’s not risk each other’s health because we want to be together so badly. It is possible to have both if we are cautious.

Like many of you, I am very close to my small family. Typically, my husband, daughter and I drive about five hours to be with them because Thanksgiving is notoriously a high-traffic time of year. We choose to share this time together. This year, we are choosing to do it remotely.

I hope you will all pause and consider how you can show your gratitude for each other safely. Envision your personal way of engaging family and friends with love and commitment, not missing a beat in terms of making your devotion clear without putting anyone in harm’s way.

My mother talks often about counting our blessings, especially during hard times. For this Thanksgiving, let us all count our blessings. We are here. We are alive and able to express our love. We are grateful for the opportunity to connect with the people who matter in our lives. We can embrace this day with fullness of heart and an abundance of joy.

We can also use technology to keep close to one another. I often think about the value of technology partnered with humanity. Technological developments are amazing and can make it possible for us to see and talk to each other no matter where in the country or the world we are. Let’s use all of the means we have to share our love. And if we intend to spend time with each other physically, let us do so with an abundance of caution. We are all worth it. Happy Thanksgiving, all!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I bought some expensive shoes, and my husband found out and told me to take them back to the store. Bills are tight, and he was counting on using the money to buy our car new tires. I took them to the store, and they told me they don’t give refunds. My husband was understanding and told me to keep the shoes, that I deserve them and he would figure out a way to get the money for new tires.

I felt guilty for not talking to him before a big purchase, so I was able to sell the shoes to someone and get the money back. But my husband was upset that I got rid of the shoes after he told me to keep them. He feels like I keep undermining him as a man, but I was only trying to right my wrongs. I’m so confused. Did I do the right thing? -- Gender Roles

DEAR GENDER ROLES: What you need is clearer communication. It’s understandable that you felt guilty after not communicating your desire for the shoes to your husband before buying them. Your guilt, however, continued to drive your actions without keeping your husband in the loop.

Now you two need to sit down and talk. Tell your husband you were not trying to undermine him. Explain that you felt bad and wanted to right your wrong. You now realize it would have been much better to talk it through with him. You could have mentioned that you would look to see if you could sell the shoes. Who knows if he would have liked that idea? To get on the same page, make an effort to talk to each other more and work through your issues and differences. This should help to bring you closer.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiancee and I are police officers. We met on the job, and I would tell her while we were dating that one day I would marry her, and she could quit the job so I would know she would be safe.

Now that we are engaged, I brought up the topic of her quitting, and she just keeps brushing it off and making excuses. I didn’t make a fuss because I know she loves the job. Now she is pregnant and still wants to work desk duty until she delivers the baby and wants to return to work after delivering the baby. I don’t think we both need to be working full-time and putting our newborn baby into daycare. How can I approach this conversation and get her to understand where I am coming from? -- Stay at Home

DEAR STAY AT HOME: It sounds like you told your fiancee many times that you would make it possible for her to stop working after you were married. Did you ever ask her if that’s what she wanted? Your note sounds like you made the presumption that she agreed. Did she ever tell you her desires?

Right now, it sounds like she clearly wants to keep working. You two have to work this out together. You cannot decide for her what she is going to do. As a family, you need to talk it out, figure out options for child care and your careers. Just because your thinking makes perfect sense to you does not mean that she shares your beliefs. Do your best not to try to coerce her into your way of thinking. Talk it out and make a plan together.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have had a crush on this guy for years. We became friends and started seeing each other, but after a while it just felt like he lost interest, and we fell off. We stopped talking and seeing each other. Since then I’ve remained single, and every few months we reconnect and talk for a while, but it's not long before we fall off again.

Sometimes I get so disappointed about nothing changing between us that I block him to keep him off my mind, but I always end up looking him up again just to see that he has left me a message during the time I’ve written him off. I don’t want to stay in this circle of getting my hopes up waiting for his feelings to change. What can I do to fight the urge to look back and stop revisiting something that will never happen? -- Waiting on Nothing

DEAR WAITING ON NOTHING: You need to do a self-evaluation. What do you want, and what do you believe you deserve? Crushing on someone almost always means that it is one-sided. Your obsession, lust and curiosity about this man seem to be clouding your vision of reality.

What can you do? You can speak directly to him, state the obvious -- that you like him -- and ask him if he wants to give it a go. If he waffles or otherwise does not commit (which is likely, based on your history), step away. Stop searching for him. Stop longing for him. Give yourself the mental and emotional space to be available to someone who may truly want to be with you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I accidentally revealed to my best friend’s boyfriend that she has been talking to her ex. I thought that he knew they were still friends because he is in our friend group, but she had been lying to him about the extent of their friendship. He broke up with her, and she has been an absolute wreck over the breakup.

I feel terrible and guilty because it is all my fault. I didn’t know she was lying to him about being friends with her ex, and she never told me not to say anything. Maybe I was an absentminded friend. Our other mutual friends told me to take it to the grave and let them sort it out, but I can’t stand by, keeping this secret while she cries. Should I come clean? -- Slipped Up

DEAR SLIPPED UP: What good will it possibly do for you to tell your friend that you revealed this information to her boyfriend? She is already emotionally wrecked. Your revelation will only make her feel worse. It will not help her to heal.

By the way, it is not all your fault that they broke up. She is the one who was engaging with her ex and lying about it. Of course this is unfortunate, but she is going to have to deal with her own feelings and actions and figure out a way forward. When the time comes, if it comes, you can reveal your role in the revelation. For now, if she wants to talk about this, encourage her to think deeply about what she wants for her life, so that she can choose wisely.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)