DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is a popular social media influencer. Since she has become more popular, she has been entertaining the idea of having plastic surgery to keep up a particular image that the media puts out there for society. I am totally against it. I think she became popular being who she is, and changing that is not going to make her more popular. Apart from that, it is expensive and dangerous, and she wants me to help her pay for it. Why are millennials so focused on their appearance and wanting to change it? She is beautiful. -- Mother of a Beauty

DEAR MOTHER OF A BEAUTY: A huge challenge of being so engaged with social media is managing a healthy self-image. People judge so harshly on social media, both liking and dismissing aspects of those they view in a blink. Never mind how the people being judged are affected by the click of a finger on a computer or handheld device.

As a parent, your job is fierce. You must constantly remind your daughter of her value and work to help her see that she is beautiful as she is, inside and out. If your daughter is still a minor, you can forbid her from having plastic surgery. But more, you should encourage her to employ temporary alterations rather than permanent ones as she explores her personal appearance.

Makeup application can change the appearance of one’s facial features without ever using a knife. (I remember when I was a young model, a makeup artist suggested that I get a nose job. He hurt my feelings, but I opted to use contour instead!) Wardrobe alterations can often make a difference in one’s appearance by camouflaging or emphasizing curves, depending on the desired effect, rather than taking drastic measures with surgery.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In response to your reply to the Family With a Dog, I wanted to add: Training children to be responsible is a very important goal. Sometimes children need help and encouragement in the form of rewards and recognition. Helping each member of a family feel good about their contribution helps build self-esteem. This is an important task for the parent and not as easy as creating negative consequences. Parenting classes and family meetings can make a huge difference in learning how to raise children positively. -- Positive Reinforcement

DEAR POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT: You are absolutely right that it is important to teach children to be responsible. In general, this is an important principle. It is key with animals -- with the lives of these pets. Pointing out how grateful pets are for their love and support can be inspiring. Showing kids the impact that their individual actions have on the well-being of the family pet can be uplifting and engaging.

Your recommendation for parenting classes is great --for those who have the time and money to devote to that. I also appreciate the idea of family meetings. When there is a weekly time scheduled for all family members to gather and talk about the needs, goals and responsibilities of the family, you create space for regular discussion about whatever is going on for all family members. Great ideas! Thanks.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor mentioned that she was going out of town on a work trip and asked me to watch out for her dog once in a while because he can get out of their back door, and her husband, who works from home, doesn’t always notice. All week long, I’ve been occasionally looking over next door in the morning and evening.

Instead of a loose dog, what I have noticed is another woman parking her car in their parking space in the early afternoon and typically leaving in the late evening. I’m not sure who this woman is, but I know that I have never seen her, and my neighbor never mentioned anyone constantly coming over while she would be gone. I’m not sure what’s going on. Should I email my neighbor while she’s gone or wait until she has returned to bring it up? -- Neighborhood Friend

DEAR NEIGHBORHOOD FRIEND: This is tricky. You have no idea who the person is or why she is there. Given that your neighbor asked you to look out for her dog, you were officially asked to watch her home. That means you can and should tell her what you saw. Get the license plate number of the car and a clear description of the woman. When your neighbor returns, tell her about the status of the dog --whatever that is -- and also that you noticed someone coming to the house each day. Do not speculate about who it is or why she was there. Just report what you saw.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend is a musical engineer. He has a studio in his home. He recently started with a new artist. While I was visiting him one time, he was working with an artist in the studio. They had just finished the track with lyrics and were playing the song over and over again. I personally found the song to be terrible. I couldn’t understand the lyrics; they were off-beat and a bunch of other stuff I found to be horrible. My boyfriend isn’t the producer, only the engineer, so what the artist wants is what he should get.

When the artist wanted an outside opinion, he turned and asked me what I thought of the song. I was truthful and told him it was bad; I gave reasons why and said he really should rework the song. My boyfriend gave me a look. He was really upset and told me I could have ruined the relationship to the point that the artist wouldn’t hire him again and that it wasn’t my place to say those things. I think if someone asks me my opinion, I am going to give it. Should I have lied to protect my boyfriend? -- Free Speech

DEAR FREE SPEECH: I vote with your boyfriend -- not that you should have lied, but that it wasn’t your place to critique this artist. This is your boyfriend’s career. You should have excused yourself from the conversation. Next time, don’t get involved. This is especially true given that your boyfriend doesn’t have the authority to guide any changes that could be made.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: There is a guy my age who lives in the same dorm as me. We sometimes study and hang out together on campus. He told me that he really likes me and wants to date me. Although I do like him and have a crush on him, I only ever viewed him as a friend because I know that he has a young child and has another baby on the way back home where he lives. We have the same friends, so the information is out there, but we have never really had a conversation about his family and life back home.

He is a senior, and this is his last semester, so I kind of feel that if I do like him, now is my only chance to act on it, but how do I appropriately bring up his family situation? I don’t want to date a guy that has a girlfriend, but I know that there are cases where the parents aren’t together. Am I getting in way over my head trying to deal with this type of situation in college, or should I just follow my heart? -- Young Crush

DEAR YOUNG CRUSH: You need to be practical. Your crush is a far more serious situation than a potential fling. Be direct with this guy. Tell him the truth -- that you like him too. Add that you are concerned that he may not be available for a relationship. Tell him that you know that he has a child and another on the way. Point out that you are not looking to be just a source of fun before he goes off to his “real” life. Ask him what he wants for his life and what he wants from you.

Yes, this is a grown-up conversation, but it is also what this moment calls for.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an old friend from high school who just started staying with me because she has nowhere else to go. She has a 7-year-old daughter in school. She never actually finished high school, never went to college and just can't hold a job. Other students said she had a drug problem in high school, but I defended her. Now that I see where she is in life, I wonder if the rumors were true. She has been going out to look for a job each day after taking her daughter to school.

Now she has a job, but I’m concerned about the type of work she does. She said she came in contact with a man who needs occasional help with errands, so she only works sometimes, but when she does work, she brings home quite a chunk of money and always in cash. Some days she comes home wired and excited, buying us groceries and taking us out to eat, but other nights she will throw the money on the table and not even speak to us before going straight to bed. I am concerned about her patterns and behaviors, wondering if the work she is doing is illegal. She’s doing well and taking care of everything she is supposed to, but I just don’t want her to sell herself short in order to stand on her feet. Any advice about what to do in this type of situation? -- Getting Her on Her Feet

DEAR GETTING HER ON HER FEET: You have to think about yourself, too. Having someone live with you who is possibly doing illegal work should give you pause. Talk to her and find out exactly what she’s doing for money. Get her to talk to you about her life. Ask her what her plan is.

Give her a timeline for staying with you. As awkward as it may feel, tell her that she cannot stay long term if she is doing illegal work.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)