DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a guy best friend who has a daughter. Since the birth of his daughter five years ago, his daughter’s mother has never liked me. She thinks that he and I were involved, but that is not true. She has started arguments with him about me seeing his daughter and buying her things. I have never met the mother, but we have had a few conversations over social media. Some have been bad, and other times have been better.

One day, I got a phone call from him, saying that his daughter’s mother wanted me to come meet up with them. I just got the feeling that she wanted a violent encounter. I’m not that type of person, and my best friend knows this. It was weird that he would call me and put me in a situation with his daughter’s mother like that, especially since I really don’t know anything about her. The next day, he apologized and explained that they were arguing and she got the best of him, and he had made a bad decision by calling me. I told him, in the best interest of his daughter and my sanity, maybe we should stop hanging out and being friends. Maybe if we stop being friends, it is one less thing for them to argue about, especially if she is threatening to keep his daughter away from him if she thinks he will bring her around me. Honestly, I am sick and tired of her harassing me all these years. I just want to know if I made the right decision to let this friendship go. -- Had Enough

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: Your best friend should have introduced you and his child’s mother years ago and handled his business so that everyone could be clear about relationships and boundaries. She is not wrong to want to know who is spending time with her child. If your friend decides to fix this by establishing a more mature engagement among all three of you, great. If not, you are right to walk away.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I own a small business geared toward children and family fun. My business generates about a million dollars each year. I employ counselors, usually high school or college students and young adults. We have fewer than 10 staff members. I offer New York state’s minimum wage for a part-time position.

Though I understand that young adults I hire are eventually going to pursue a bigger career and goals, I’ve had an ongoing problem finding long-term, loyal employees. Staff members typically only stay with the company for three to four months before I have to hire another counselor to replace one that has put in their two-week notice. Staff members that do stay and make it to at least six months with us tend to slow down and stop working as hard as they did when they first began the job. Then discussions begin about pay raises, but in my understanding, most jobs offer that after being with the company for a full year. What are your suggestions on keeping staff long-term, how to deal with burnouts, and employees' feelings of deserving more the longer they are with our company? -- Want Loyal Employees

DEAR WANT LOYAL EMPLOYEES: You may want to change your policy and offer pay raises at different increments, based on the rhythm of your previous employees. Consider creating performance raises -- even if they are small -- that will show your employees that you value them. Evaluate your experience over time and adjust your compensation practices to inspire retention.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been married for 10 years, and we have three kids. We were high school sweethearts and each other's first loves and never dated other people before we were married. I would say we are happily married. My husband works late often and takes a lot of work trips.

Maybe I ignored all the signs, because he has been seeing someone else for the past year. He came to me and completely confessed and told me that he is in love with someone else. As you can imagine, I was a deer in headlights to hear this. He said that we rushed into this marriage, and he now wants time to discover life and other people. I was so stunned that I told him to leave and haven’t spoken to or seen him in three days. I’m trying to gather myself to figure out what is next and where to go from here, but I just don’t know. Any advice for women that have been cheated on? I am lost. -- Heartbroken

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: You and your husband need to talk. Schedule a time when you two can sit down and discuss the situation. Find out what he intends to do, and that includes how he plans to care for the family. Suggest that the two of you go to a marriage counselor. This can be helpful even if you decide to divorce. You will need to sort through finances, child care, property -- everything. And you will likely need emotional support that your husband cannot give you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I visited my favorite restaurant last week, and while I was in the bathroom, I noticed a roach. I have never seen any insects there before, so I wasn’t alarmed. I went again this week, and again I saw a roach. This time I noticed it walking up the wall next to where we were eating. When I notified the waiter, he apologized, saying it was because they had left the door open and sometimes they get inside. Anyone who knows anything can tell that that answer was just full of it.

I became very concerned at that point and asked to speak with a manager. He apologized and moved us to another table in the restaurant. I’m not exactly sure what the protocol is when someone finds an insect in a restaurant, but I feel like more should have been done. I want to contact the Department of Health, but I do not know if I am overreacting or not. Have you ever been in this situation before? -- Disgusted Customer

DEAR DISGUSTED CUSTOMER: Rather than going immediately to the Department of Health, circle back to the manager and express your genuine concern about the cleanliness of the restaurant. Point out that this is your favorite place to go out to eat. You know how tough it is during a pandemic to keep a restaurant open, but you also do not want to eat at a place that has a roach infestation. Ask him when they will be having an exterminator come in. Press him to take measures to prevent further incidents.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a weird experience the other day. My girlfriends and I were all out for lunch, and we had a really great server. He was polite, made jokes and light conversation and kept our water and wine glasses full. The only weird part was that each time he left our table, he stood nearby. He would stand near the empty table next to us or at one of the pillars around us. He stayed in close proximity almost as if he were watching us. And it wasn’t like he was keeping an eye out to see if we needed something. He just constantly stared at us like he was listening to us. We all felt like we couldn’t speak, and we had to just eat the food and look happy.

The restaurant was pretty empty, so there wasn’t much else for him to do or other tables to wait, but usually they go back into the kitchen and come out to check on us. It was oddly uncomfortable, and we were unsure of what to say or do. We asked for the check and left, but we didn't enjoy lunch at all. We ended up going to a cafe to chat because we rushed out of there. What would you have recommended that we do in that situation? -- Disturbing Brunch

DEAR DISTURBING BRUNCH: One of you could have gotten up and gone over to him to thank him for taking care of you, adding that you want a bit of space. You could have called him on being overly focused and that you would like some privacy. You also could have spoken to the manager of the restaurant -- not to complain, but just to say that while you appreciate the server's attentiveness, you want to be free to talk with your girls without being so closely observed.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I still live separately, but we pretty much do everything together and share everything, including my car. I saved up money to purchase an older car that needed some work done, and my boyfriend has been putting a lot of time and money into it to make it run well and be more comfortable to drive. Sometimes I use the car to take him to work, or he will take me to work depending on if one of us has other errands that we need to run. He has also been using the car to go out with his friends at night and on the weekends.

He just told me that he’s going away for the weekend with his friends and taking the car. That means I would be without a car, which I told him won’t work because it’s my car and I need to get to work. He thinks I am selfish because he has put more money into the car than I have, and he takes care of it and fixes all the problems. He seems to believe that I wouldn’t even have the car if it weren’t for him, so I should allow him to take it for a weekend. But again, where does that leave me? Should I let him take the car? -- Whose Car Is It

DEAR WHOSE CAR IS IT: Thank your boyfriend for all of his help with your car. Put your foot down -- not even so much about it being your car, but more that you have to go to work. You need the car for work. His trip is for play. He needs to find another option for travel.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)