life

Move Sounds Attractive but Scary

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 10th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend just decided to move to Colorado. She said that since she’s working from home for the foreseeable future, she might as well go for something on her bucket list. I think she is so brave. She wants to be able to hike and be outdoors in nature and not worry about being cooped up in a tiny apartment in New York.

She invited me to join her, but I’m too scared. I do also work from home, but I have never lived anywhere else. I’m afraid that it might be too much for me. I moved back home with my parents when COVID-19 hit. Do you think I should give it a chance? I’m scared. -- Make a Move

DEAR MAKE A MOVE: This sounds like a perfect opportunity to spread your wings a bit. Since you are living with your parents, chances are you could move back with them if you need to come back home. If you are interested in the lifestyle that has attracted your friend, go for it. If you are not, take the time to figure out what will make you happy and go for that. Following your friend blindly is not a good idea. Take a moment to figure out if you really like the idea.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for November 10, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 10th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got a call from an old college friend asking me to lend her some money. She said that she hasn’t worked since she got furloughed at the beginning of COVID, and she is running out of options for how to stay afloat. I feel so bad for her, but I am also worried that lending her money will only lead to a bad situation. How will she be able to pay me back when she is about to lose her home?

She asked for a big chunk of money that I can’t afford to give to her. I want to do what I can to help. That means I can give her a smaller amount. I’m afraid it won’t be helpful, and she will be upset. Do you think I should go ahead and give her the whole thing and hope she will find the money to pay me back? -- Want To Help

DEAR WANT TO HELP: You are wise to think carefully about how you can realistically help your friend. Rather than turning away from her in her time of need, be smart. Assess what you can afford to give her, and let her know the amount that you are happy to offer with no strings attached. Add that you are very sorry but you cannot afford to lend her the amount she requested.

If you share friends who may be similarly generous to her, you might offer to host a crowdfunding campaign on her behalf. What people used to do years ago was to host rent parties where people came together and fellowshipped while bringing whatever pennies they had to share to help the person in need. Crowdfunding feels like today’s version of the old-fashioned rent party.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Elderly Deserve Respect During Pandemic

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 9th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hear all the political talk back and forth about COVID-19, and it makes me sick. My mother came down with it, thanks to her caregiver -- after months of not being allowed to see any of her family. We are heartbroken. She is healing, but it is slow. She has started losing cognitive ability, we think because she has been cooped up in her apartment unable to do any of the social activities that her residence offers.

We look at our precious mother, who has done so much for us, and it’s hard to hear people say that old people with ailments are going to die anyway, so that’s just how it is. She is our mother. I wish I could make the politicians stop dismissing whole groups of people, especially our elderly, as dispensable during this time. What can we do? -- Anti-COVID

DEAR ANTI-COVID: Sadly, I think for some people it takes seeing a loved one stricken with this awful virus for them to take it seriously. We should be thinking that every life is precious and doing all that we can to help each person. At least that’s how I was taught to look at people. All that I have read suggests that the elderly are more susceptible to this virus than young, healthy people. But that’s true about just about everything and surely doesn’t mean that we should shrug our shoulders and consider their demise a given.

I recommend that you write to or call your members of Congress and ask them to keep COVID-19 a priority issue for all Americans, especially the elderly. Be persistent with your protestations, as this will help them to know how serious you are. Blessings to you and your mother.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for November 09, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 9th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am mortified to realize that I have gained about 20 pounds during this period of quarantine. It seems to have just crept up on me. Yes, I have been sitting in my chair on Zoom calls every day for work. But I have had no choice. This is what the job requires. But I looked in the mirror the other day and couldn’t believe who was staring back at me. I have to get this under control. -- SOS

DEAR SOS: You are not alone. The combination of working virtually and being super-cautious about going outside during the pandemic has caused thousands of people to pack on some pounds. The good news is that you can do something about it. Many gyms, personal trainers, yoga teachers and other fitness professionals now offer classes online. You can join a class or hire a personal coach to work with you. Prices range dramatically, so you should be able to find the right teacher or class at the right price for you. There are even free classes online. You just have to look for them. Commit and take action.

I participated in a dance class with famed choreographer Debbie Allen on her Instagram page (for free). Did you know that supermodel Naomi Campbell has hosted exercise classes with her trainer (for free) on IG too? That’s just two out of hundreds of options to help you move. Don't forget -- you will also need to evaluate what you are consuming in order to lose the extra weight. Good luck!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Dating Bestie's Husband May Damage Friendship

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 7th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend and her husband are separated. She said that she doesn't want to be with him anymore, so she left him and started dating someone else. Her husband and I have always been friends since we all went to high school together, and he recently began confiding in me since the separation. We are spending a lot of time together, as neither of us sees my best friend often because she is dating someone new.

One thing has led to another, and now I have started seeing her husband regularly. I am beginning to fall in love with him. I don't know whether I should tell her, or if he should tell her. I don’t want her to be upset, but this connection was out of our control, and we want to see this through. Do you think I will lose my best friend if I pursue this true love? -- Wishful Thinking

DEAR WISHFUL THINKING: While these things do tend to happen -- mainly because people who spend time together often grow close -- there is little good that will likely come of this situation. Whether it’s right or not, your best friend probably believes that her husband should be off limits to you, especially since you are her best friend.

No matter how hot and heavy it has become, I think you should pump the brakes until you have a heart-to-heart with your friend. If you feel like you can’t resist being with this man, you have to tell her and risk the potential consequences of losing her friendship, at least in the short term. Chances are, she will feel betrayed. You can explain yourself, including saying that it wasn’t planned, that you two started spending time together to mourn the demise of their marriage, and things happened. Be prepared for the worst and see what happens. Your honesty will count for a lot.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for November 07, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 7th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I do a lot of motivational talks locally in my community. I am someone who knows many people in my town, and they have expressed how inspirational I am with my insight and guidance. Many teachers say I should speak with some of the students as a mentor or counselor, and I have done that as a volunteer for three years now. I have decided that I want to take this more public and create a business out of it, but I don’t know where to begin. Do I need an agent or manager? Where do I start to build my brand and trademark some of my sayings? Can you give any advice on how to start branding yourself? -- Next Steps

DEAR NEXT STEPS: You have a few options. Do research to learn how much speakers in your field are paid. Find out if there is a speakers’ certification program in your town that will give you credentials for speaking. Start taping your speaking engagements so that you have proof of how you command an audience. Build a social media presence for your work. Establish a website that showcases what you do. Ask some of the entities that have asked you to speak for free in the past to offer you an honorarium next time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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