DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend and her husband are separated. She said that she doesn't want to be with him anymore, so she left him and started dating someone else. Her husband and I have always been friends since we all went to high school together, and he recently began confiding in me since the separation. We are spending a lot of time together, as neither of us sees my best friend often because she is dating someone new.

One thing has led to another, and now I have started seeing her husband regularly. I am beginning to fall in love with him. I don't know whether I should tell her, or if he should tell her. I don’t want her to be upset, but this connection was out of our control, and we want to see this through. Do you think I will lose my best friend if I pursue this true love? -- Wishful Thinking

DEAR WISHFUL THINKING: While these things do tend to happen -- mainly because people who spend time together often grow close -- there is little good that will likely come of this situation. Whether it’s right or not, your best friend probably believes that her husband should be off limits to you, especially since you are her best friend.

No matter how hot and heavy it has become, I think you should pump the brakes until you have a heart-to-heart with your friend. If you feel like you can’t resist being with this man, you have to tell her and risk the potential consequences of losing her friendship, at least in the short term. Chances are, she will feel betrayed. You can explain yourself, including saying that it wasn’t planned, that you two started spending time together to mourn the demise of their marriage, and things happened. Be prepared for the worst and see what happens. Your honesty will count for a lot.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I do a lot of motivational talks locally in my community. I am someone who knows many people in my town, and they have expressed how inspirational I am with my insight and guidance. Many teachers say I should speak with some of the students as a mentor or counselor, and I have done that as a volunteer for three years now. I have decided that I want to take this more public and create a business out of it, but I don’t know where to begin. Do I need an agent or manager? Where do I start to build my brand and trademark some of my sayings? Can you give any advice on how to start branding yourself? -- Next Steps

DEAR NEXT STEPS: You have a few options. Do research to learn how much speakers in your field are paid. Find out if there is a speakers’ certification program in your town that will give you credentials for speaking. Start taping your speaking engagements so that you have proof of how you command an audience. Build a social media presence for your work. Establish a website that showcases what you do. Ask some of the entities that have asked you to speak for free in the past to offer you an honorarium next time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a gated community. Recently, I noticed that my neighbor lifted the top off my garbage can and looked inside. I don’t think he put anything inside or took anything out, but it was just odd. I have a Ring doorbell and decided to put my trash can closer to my door so that my camera would pick up any movement. Over the last month, this same neighbor has gone into my garbage can each week. I can never tell why, or if he has checked other cans, but it has made me very uncomfortable. I know who he is and where he lives, but I am not sure if I should approach him about it or if I should just file a complaint with the police? What’s the right course of action here? -- Suspicious Activity

DEAR SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY: Start by speaking directly to your neighbor. Approach him and ask him why he has been looking in your garbage. Be kind, firm and direct. Tell him that your surveillance cameras have recorded him looking in your garbage, and you can’t imagine why he would be doing that. Let him explain himself.

You should also report this to the security force that is part of your gated community. Normally there is some kind of security presence in these areas. If he continues to look in your garbage, call 311.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a man in my mid-20s. I just relocated to my own place out of my parents’ home, but my apartment is not the best. I am in a low-income area, and my place is pretty old and outdated, but it is my own. I started dating a girl around the same age as me. She just started out at a law firm and lives downtown in a huge condo that is brand-new and modern. We have been getting together mostly at her place, though she has been asking over and over to come to my place. I always make excuses as to why we can’t, because I am really embarrassed about how I live compared to how she does. I want her to be comfortable, and at my place I am not sure that she would be. I don’t want her to think any less of me. I have been looking for better apartments, but anything remotely better than what I have is always out of my price range. I need advice about what to do here. I don’t want to bring her over. -- Ugly Apartment

DEAR UGLY APARTMENT: If you think there is a chance for you to have a real relationship with this woman, you have to come clean. Tell her why you are reluctant to bring her over: You have recently moved out of your parents’ home, and you are living in a humble space that is far from ideal. Agree to bring her over to see for herself, but make it clear that your place is modest and not in the best of neighborhoods. If she can’t accept you for where you live, it’s better to know now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiancee has always dreamed of a huge wedding with all of her friends and family there to watch. She has all these ideas of what she wants from the venue, to the dress, flowers, band and caterers. But all of that adds up to be expensive. Even if we do a big wedding in the cheapest way, it is still a lot to plan and pay for. I have expressed my concern about us spending that kind of money on a wedding when we could use the money toward a new home. I would rather just get married in a courthouse with a few friends and family there to witness and then go out for dinner instead of wasting a fortune on one day’s event. I really am against a huge wedding, but she is set on having one. How do we work this out? -- Penny Pincher

DEAR PENNY PINCHER: A dream wedding is a fantasy that many women (and men) have longed for since childhood. The reality check of planning for the future versus making that dream come true can seem insurmountable. What you have on your side are the circumstances in which we find ourselves. We are still in a pandemic, and you simply cannot have a big wedding in most states.

Encourage your fiancee to go for the smaller wedding sooner so that the two of you can be together as a married couple. Consider a hybrid version of what you and she want. Perhaps you can host a small ceremony and a small socially distanced dinner for starters. You might even consider broadcasting it via Zoom or some other videoconferencing tool to reach your larger group of friends. Then, later, after things loosen up and we feel safer, you can host a larger party for everyone you love to share your joy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Why do men do annoying things that they know bother us? I can tell my boyfriend something that I do not like or how to do something, and it's like he makes it his job to do the opposite! I tell him not to leave his dirty clothes on the floor but put them in the hamper, I tell him every day, and every day I find his clothes on the floor. He loves mushrooms on his pizza. I hate it when I ask him to order us pizza, and he gets mushrooms on the whole pizza. Then, I don’t want to eat the pizza. I’m not sure if other men are like this. I don’t know if it is because he is selfish or if he is just forgetful, but I need answers. Am I the only person who feels like men are working against me? -- Annoying Men

DEAR ANNOYING MEN: Don’t lump men into one category. It won’t help you. Talk to your man and ask him to be a partner to you. Tell him how it makes you feel when he leaves his clothing on the floor or doesn’t consider you when ordering pizza -- and whatever else may apply. Stop picking up his clothes and see how he responds to that. Remind him of your preference when he orders food. Train him to think about you when he is making choices. Sometimes when people have lived alone for a long time, it takes a while for them to include you in their thinking. Don’t give up.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)