DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a gated community. Recently, I noticed that my neighbor lifted the top off my garbage can and looked inside. I don’t think he put anything inside or took anything out, but it was just odd. I have a Ring doorbell and decided to put my trash can closer to my door so that my camera would pick up any movement. Over the last month, this same neighbor has gone into my garbage can each week. I can never tell why, or if he has checked other cans, but it has made me very uncomfortable. I know who he is and where he lives, but I am not sure if I should approach him about it or if I should just file a complaint with the police? What’s the right course of action here? -- Suspicious Activity

DEAR SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY: Start by speaking directly to your neighbor. Approach him and ask him why he has been looking in your garbage. Be kind, firm and direct. Tell him that your surveillance cameras have recorded him looking in your garbage, and you can’t imagine why he would be doing that. Let him explain himself.

You should also report this to the security force that is part of your gated community. Normally there is some kind of security presence in these areas. If he continues to look in your garbage, call 311.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a man in my mid-20s. I just relocated to my own place out of my parents’ home, but my apartment is not the best. I am in a low-income area, and my place is pretty old and outdated, but it is my own. I started dating a girl around the same age as me. She just started out at a law firm and lives downtown in a huge condo that is brand-new and modern. We have been getting together mostly at her place, though she has been asking over and over to come to my place. I always make excuses as to why we can’t, because I am really embarrassed about how I live compared to how she does. I want her to be comfortable, and at my place I am not sure that she would be. I don’t want her to think any less of me. I have been looking for better apartments, but anything remotely better than what I have is always out of my price range. I need advice about what to do here. I don’t want to bring her over. -- Ugly Apartment

DEAR UGLY APARTMENT: If you think there is a chance for you to have a real relationship with this woman, you have to come clean. Tell her why you are reluctant to bring her over: You have recently moved out of your parents’ home, and you are living in a humble space that is far from ideal. Agree to bring her over to see for herself, but make it clear that your place is modest and not in the best of neighborhoods. If she can’t accept you for where you live, it’s better to know now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiancee has always dreamed of a huge wedding with all of her friends and family there to watch. She has all these ideas of what she wants from the venue, to the dress, flowers, band and caterers. But all of that adds up to be expensive. Even if we do a big wedding in the cheapest way, it is still a lot to plan and pay for. I have expressed my concern about us spending that kind of money on a wedding when we could use the money toward a new home. I would rather just get married in a courthouse with a few friends and family there to witness and then go out for dinner instead of wasting a fortune on one day’s event. I really am against a huge wedding, but she is set on having one. How do we work this out? -- Penny Pincher

DEAR PENNY PINCHER: A dream wedding is a fantasy that many women (and men) have longed for since childhood. The reality check of planning for the future versus making that dream come true can seem insurmountable. What you have on your side are the circumstances in which we find ourselves. We are still in a pandemic, and you simply cannot have a big wedding in most states.

Encourage your fiancee to go for the smaller wedding sooner so that the two of you can be together as a married couple. Consider a hybrid version of what you and she want. Perhaps you can host a small ceremony and a small socially distanced dinner for starters. You might even consider broadcasting it via Zoom or some other videoconferencing tool to reach your larger group of friends. Then, later, after things loosen up and we feel safer, you can host a larger party for everyone you love to share your joy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Why do men do annoying things that they know bother us? I can tell my boyfriend something that I do not like or how to do something, and it's like he makes it his job to do the opposite! I tell him not to leave his dirty clothes on the floor but put them in the hamper, I tell him every day, and every day I find his clothes on the floor. He loves mushrooms on his pizza. I hate it when I ask him to order us pizza, and he gets mushrooms on the whole pizza. Then, I don’t want to eat the pizza. I’m not sure if other men are like this. I don’t know if it is because he is selfish or if he is just forgetful, but I need answers. Am I the only person who feels like men are working against me? -- Annoying Men

DEAR ANNOYING MEN: Don’t lump men into one category. It won’t help you. Talk to your man and ask him to be a partner to you. Tell him how it makes you feel when he leaves his clothing on the floor or doesn’t consider you when ordering pizza -- and whatever else may apply. Stop picking up his clothes and see how he responds to that. Remind him of your preference when he orders food. Train him to think about you when he is making choices. Sometimes when people have lived alone for a long time, it takes a while for them to include you in their thinking. Don’t give up.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: New York is an expensive place to live. There are a lot of homeless people and families that cram into a studio or one-bedroom apartment because they cannot afford anything bigger, my family included. I often see new buildings that are built all throughout the five boroughs, and I think how great it is that they are expanding the housing for New Yorkers. But each time I look into these buildings in urban areas of Queens, Bronx and Brooklyn, the rent for one or two bedrooms is typically over $2,000.

I just think it is crazy how all the new housing being built isn’t viable for the average New Yorker to live in. There are so many people who truly can’t afford to live. Why build these extravagant buildings with amenities when no one is going to be able to afford to live there? And now we have these empty buildings and people living on the street. How and when did this city become this way? -- Lower the Rent

DEAR LOWER THE RENT: Sadly, this is not a new problem. For generations, the rent and general cost of living in New York City has been high and only getting higher. I remember when there was a candidate for mayor whose slogan was “The rent is too damn high.” Many have attempted to bring awareness to this challenge and to get it to change.

I do know that some affordable housing is being built in different pockets of the city. Also, there is a rule for luxury high rises that 20% of each building has to be made available at affordable prices. To get in is another story. It’s a lottery that can take years, if ever, to win.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating for a while now: guys I have met at work, friend of friends, etc. I find that men still go by that unwritten rule that if they take me out and buy me dinner, I am supposed to go home with them. I have always hated that assumption, but now it is like I cannot escape it. I am not even comfortable going on dates now because I get anxious about how it will end and what he will say.

Why is it that men only give to get? Is there some new unwritten rule that I don’t know about yet when it comes to dating? Maybe I am old-fashioned and expect to wait too long before things progress to physical intimacy. What are your thoughts about men rushing the physical part? -- Old-Fashioned Girl

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED GIRL: One woman I know follows this vetting process: When invited on a date, she tells the guy upfront that she’s looking forward to the activity but that she does not sleep with anyone unless she is engaged. She says that this has cost her plenty of dates, but the brave ones who stick around often have a lovely time with her -- without the expectation of intimacy looming over their heads. The point here is to be transparent. It may feel uncomfortable bringing it up at the onset of a date, but honestly, getting physical will feel uncomfortable at the end of a date when you hardly know someone. Step up and set the tone yourself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)