DEAR HARRIETTE: New York is an expensive place to live. There are a lot of homeless people and families that cram into a studio or one-bedroom apartment because they cannot afford anything bigger, my family included. I often see new buildings that are built all throughout the five boroughs, and I think how great it is that they are expanding the housing for New Yorkers. But each time I look into these buildings in urban areas of Queens, Bronx and Brooklyn, the rent for one or two bedrooms is typically over $2,000.

I just think it is crazy how all the new housing being built isn’t viable for the average New Yorker to live in. There are so many people who truly can’t afford to live. Why build these extravagant buildings with amenities when no one is going to be able to afford to live there? And now we have these empty buildings and people living on the street. How and when did this city become this way? -- Lower the Rent

DEAR LOWER THE RENT: Sadly, this is not a new problem. For generations, the rent and general cost of living in New York City has been high and only getting higher. I remember when there was a candidate for mayor whose slogan was “The rent is too damn high.” Many have attempted to bring awareness to this challenge and to get it to change.

I do know that some affordable housing is being built in different pockets of the city. Also, there is a rule for luxury high rises that 20% of each building has to be made available at affordable prices. To get in is another story. It’s a lottery that can take years, if ever, to win.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating for a while now: guys I have met at work, friend of friends, etc. I find that men still go by that unwritten rule that if they take me out and buy me dinner, I am supposed to go home with them. I have always hated that assumption, but now it is like I cannot escape it. I am not even comfortable going on dates now because I get anxious about how it will end and what he will say.

Why is it that men only give to get? Is there some new unwritten rule that I don’t know about yet when it comes to dating? Maybe I am old-fashioned and expect to wait too long before things progress to physical intimacy. What are your thoughts about men rushing the physical part? -- Old-Fashioned Girl

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED GIRL: One woman I know follows this vetting process: When invited on a date, she tells the guy upfront that she’s looking forward to the activity but that she does not sleep with anyone unless she is engaged. She says that this has cost her plenty of dates, but the brave ones who stick around often have a lovely time with her -- without the expectation of intimacy looming over their heads. The point here is to be transparent. It may feel uncomfortable bringing it up at the onset of a date, but honestly, getting physical will feel uncomfortable at the end of a date when you hardly know someone. Step up and set the tone yourself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: I am taking this time today to encourage every single American citizen who is 18 years old or older to vote. I am not writing to tell you who you should be voting for, only that I beg you to use your precious right and go do it.

I sometimes think that we have become too complacent in our country, making assumptions about how the world will work even if we have no say in it. But the reality is that we are blessed to live in a democracy where the people’s voices count. This is not just true about some people. It is not reserved for rich people. Or white people. Or people who live in certain neighborhoods. Or any other group that you might want to delineate. The pure right to vote has been fought for by thousands for many years.

Starting back in the days when slavery had just ended and Frederick Douglass and others were fighting for the rights of recently freed Black men to vote, the struggle has continued. It took literal blood, sweat and tears to achieve ratification of the 15th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which granted Black men the right to vote. It was with the efforts of suffrage advocates like Susan B. Anthony that the right for women to vote was won with the 19th Amendment 100 years ago. It took until 1965 with the Voting Rights Act (nearly 100 years after the ratification of the 15th Amendment) for all Black people (presumably) to be able to vote. (Listen to the podcast "She Votes!" by Ellen Goodman and Lynn Sherr for an amazing history lesson on suffrage. You might also watch "The Fannie Lou Hamer Story," a one-woman show by Mzuri Moyo Aimbaye about a Black woman who was beaten repeatedly for trying to exercise her right to vote 60 years ago.)

And yet, even today, as in years past, there are many roadblocks making it difficult for folks to cast their ballots. Gerrymandering and redlining could be affecting us right now. Have your district lines changed? Can you find your polling station? From literacy taxes of old that required odd and impossible puzzle challenges before people were allowed to cast a ballot to burned ballot boxes today, the ability to exercise your right to vote is not guaranteed.

And yet there are pockets of light. In several states, for the first time, formerly incarcerated people convicted of felonies have regained the right to vote. Perhaps this will reach a groundswell over time. (Read more here: www.cnn.com/interactive/2020/03/politics/we-count-texas/index.html).

If you take a moment to recognize how hard so many people fought to make it possible for every one of us to vote, you might be even more energized to cast your ballot today. Your voice matters, whether you are 18 or 89. Your voice makes a difference. Your single vote can affect the course of history. Cast your ballot and be an active part of our future.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in an interracial relationship and have been for four years. With the election coming up, my boyfriend, who is white, told me that he will not be voting because he does not support either of the candidates. I told him how important it is to vote and that we should exercise our right. I offered to let him come with me so we can vote for Biden together.

He then shared that, if he were required to vote, out of the two major candidates he would most likely vote for Trump over Biden. He says he doesn’t particularly agree with Trump's views, but he also does not agree with Biden’s views. I told him that in the interest of our interracial relationship, Biden is more on our side, so we should support him together. My boyfriend strongly disagreed and dropped the conversation. He couldn’t give me an answer as to why he would vote for Trump. Then he just concluded the argument by saying, “This is exactly why I will not be voting.” What does this mean? I’m having trouble processing and coming to terms of what this conversation meant. -- Interracial Voter

DEAR INTERRACIAL VOTER: This election is more polarizing than any I have seen in my lifetime. While I am not going to tell you who you or your boyfriend should vote for, I will say that it is smart to talk about the specific views that each candidate has on issues that matter to you. Go to their websites and pull up their statements on the issues that you care about. Debate what they have actually said rather than what you have heard second-hand.

Instead of arguing with your boyfriend, ask him to explain why he thinks Trump would be better for his life and for yours. It is worth further discussion even if it is difficult. Essentially, you want to know each other’s views about life and what’s important to you. These candidates help to delineate certain values. You should get clear on what each of you feels about how to build the economy, the right to life, women’s rights, health care and government support of the poor. Regardless of who you vote for, you should know if you two are on the same page on these key issues.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a stay-at-home mother, married with three kids. With our family all home a majority of the time, I have been wanting to pick up a job of my own. I had come to the decision that I want to take online college classes and finally pursue my bachelor’s degree in education in hopes of becoming a teacher. I have been home-schooling my kids since the quarantine began; I think that I am pretty good and would love to teach other kids.

When I discussed this with my husband, he was totally against it. He wants me to keep my time and focus on our own kids and that any time I spend outside the home working is only going to take away from our family and household. I understand what he means, but plenty of families have two working parents, so why couldn’t we? I really just want something to do that is my own. Is my husband right? Am I being selfish? -- Want To Get Out There

DEAR WANT TO GET OUT THERE: Do some research. Figure out if you can afford to be out of the house while your kids are growing up. You said you can take classes at home, at least during this extended quarantine period. If you can figure out a way to study and still care for your family, you may be able to have it all, so to speak. It may take time for your husband to come around. If you have the stamina to go for it, try it out.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)