DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has been getting bullied and teased at school. My son is the more gentle type who likes magic and books. So he easily becomes sensitive when other kids take things from him or if he doesn't get his way. My husband has been trying to teach him how to stand up for himself. But my husband is really just teaching our son how to be a bigger bully back.

The kids tease and make jokes, so my husband has been teaching him jokes to throw back at the kids. He teaches him how to block punches and how to defend himself. But I hear about this type of story all the time. A kid that is introduced to that type of power who never knew how to use it before can end up being the bigger bully at school. I feel like my husband is training a monster in the making. What’s the best way to help your kids who are getting bullied without teaching them to be a bullies themselves? -- Bullying a Bully

DEAR BULLYING A BULLY: The research I’ve read suggests that taunting bullies by teasing them usually aggravates them and makes them more aggressive, so your husband’s strategy regarding the jokes may backfire. It would be better for your son to ignore their comments and walk away if he can. By not falling into their trap and reacting to their mean words, he can better hold on to his power. It is smart for your son to know how to defend himself. Encourage your son to report the children who are bullying him to his teacher, guidance counselor, principal and school security. As parents, you should advocate for your son with the administration as well.

Suggest that your son spend time with real friends at school if he has them, get involved in extracurricular activities that will boost his confidence and do his best to stay away from these kids. For more ideas read: www.parents.com/kids/problems/bullying/bully-proof-your-child-how-to-deal-with-bullies/.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family became bored during quarantine, and we decided to surprise our kids with a dog. We had an agreement that it would be the kids’ responsibility to clean up after the dog, walk him and feed him. The dog is an adult rescue, so he is pretty mature and well behaved. The problem has been our kids not taking care of him. They forget to take him on walks or feed him so he will make messes inside or steal food out the garbage.

I feel bad for our dog because it's not his fault! My wife and I have been doing everything for the dog while our kids don't pay him any mind. My wife is pregnant, and I don't think we will have the time for both the dog and the baby unless the kids pitch in. I've come to the decision that if the kids don't stick to our agreement, we will have to give the dog away. Our kids would be heartbroken, but they aren't acting responsibly. What other choice do I have? -- Family With a Dog

DEAR FAMILY WITH A DOG: Don’t give away the dog. Teach them how to be responsible. Design a daily schedule that includes rotating responsibilities for walking and feeding the dog. Create penalties for your children if they don’t care for him. Remind them that he is their dog, and they must look out for him. If you make the penalties serious enough -- like no cellphone use or other electronics -- it will get their attention.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend and my best friend don't get along. They argue about anything we talk about. She says he doesn't respect our home, and she believes he says rude and obnoxious things. He's what I call a clown and just likes to make jokes and have fun. It's why we are friends. My girlfriend doesn't have our sense of humor, and she thinks he's a bad influence on me because I become a clown like him when he’s around.

She told me she doesn't want him at our house anymore, and she thinks I should stop hanging out with him. I understand why she feels that way, and he does sometimes get us in bad situations, but I can't drop a friend just because he's a bit immature. Can I? I can't change him; he is who he is. I've outgrown him, and I'm ready to settle down, but I don't know how to begin to end a lifelong friendship. -- Clown Buddies

DEAR CLOWN BUDDIES: You are in a classic situation that many couples face as they settle in to build a life together and, in turn, find the need to reposition some of their friendships. It is natural even as it is clearly awkward.

Rather than kicking this friend out of your life entirely, a compromise might be to reduce the frequency of engagements. Tell him that you and your girlfriend have turned a corner and are getting more serious, and you want to devote more time to her. Be less available. Visit with him away from home on occasion. Agree with your girlfriend on what times he can come over. Let her know you don’t want to ice him out of your life, but you are willing to see him less.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have never been good with money. Over the years, I have wasted so much money on stuff --clothing, shoes, jewelry. I swear I remember telling a friend that I wished I could eat my shoes one time when I was broke and hungry. Anyhow, now I am making good money, and I have started to save. I’m already in my late 40s with very little savings, but I figure if I stay committed to saving now, at least I will have something in my bank account for retirement. Do you think it’s too late to build a retirement account? Am I a hopeless case? -- Saving Now

DEAR SAVING NOW: It’s never too late to save money for your future. Given your age, you will need to be an aggressive saver and investor in order to create a nest egg for yourself. Don’t do this alone. Get a financial planner who understands money management and investing who can help you decide what to do with the money that you have now.

Take the time to find a financial expert who is right for you. Ask friends and loved ones for referrals. Ask your bank about what services they offer. Then interview potential advisers to see who feels like the right fit. There are many different types of money managers. To get started, read this article that breaks down financial needs and types of service providers: www.thebalance.com/how-to-find-the-best-financial-advisor-in-7-easy-steps-4032070.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is in a nursing home. She has recovered from COVID-19 in recent weeks. I haven’t seen her in months. Not seeing my mother has worn on me. She is so bright and vibrant. I saw her at least three times every week before the pandemic. I must have developed separation anxiety because I cry at all times of the day when I think of her. I feel like I have lost her and will never see her again. Not seeing her has really made me feel like she has passed on. But she hasn't; she is right where she always has been.

I have been demanding that her home let me see her, but they say it is just impossible. I talk to her for five or 10 minutes on the phone each week, but I just feel like I’ve abandoned her. At this point, I am ready to pull her from the home and bring her back to my place. Am I selfish if I do that? I just want her to be OK, and I have a feeling of guilt over not seeing her. -- Mama's Boy

DEAR MAMA’S BOY: The toll that COVID-19 has taken on our elders in nursing homes is hard to fathom. The isolation and loneliness are palpable, and experts say that many elders do not fare well in what has become a prisonlike environment. Further, like your mother, many elders have gotten the virus anyway from health care workers. It all seems unfair. As you are describing, what’s not discussed as often is the toll on family members who aren’t allowed to see their loved ones. It’s tough all around.

Talk to your mother’s doctor about her options. You need to have the capability to care for your mother if you bring her to live with you. How is her health, now that she has suffered COVID-19? The virus often leaves residual effects. What are her medical needs? Discuss everything with the doctor to weigh your options. For now, find out if her facility has an iPad or other such device. Many people are doing videocalls with their loved ones to help them stay connected.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex and I broke up when I found out he hid a daughter from me. He had gotten a woman pregnant whom he barely knew before we started dating, and she never told him until the daughter was born. Once she told him, he kept it to himself and got a DNA test. I found the DNA papers in the mail and left him after I knew he had been lying.

Three years have passed, and he recently came back to town and proposed to me. I’ve been secretly seeing someone from work for the past year, and this co-worker just told me that he loves me. I’m trying to figure out if maybe I moved on too fast from my ex or if I should keep to the new path I’ve paved. I still love my ex and was just hurt, while he’s doing well and saying all the things I’ve wanted him to say. Am I a fool to take him back? Or am I a fool to lose a new man who’s been great and wants to take things a step further? -- Fool for Love

DEAR FOOL FOR LOVE: Step back and evaluate your feelings. Did you and your ex ever talk about the situation after you left? If this relationship is unresolved in your heart, it may be hard for you to be fully present with your new beau.

You have to decide your next steps. Honesty must be your guiding force. If you want to give your ex a chance, you have to tell your guy at work what you are doing. But don’t just take your ex back. Talk it out and determine whether you share values, goals and dreams. Don’t take long to make a decision.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)