DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend and my best friend don't get along. They argue about anything we talk about. She says he doesn't respect our home, and she believes he says rude and obnoxious things. He's what I call a clown and just likes to make jokes and have fun. It's why we are friends. My girlfriend doesn't have our sense of humor, and she thinks he's a bad influence on me because I become a clown like him when he’s around.

She told me she doesn't want him at our house anymore, and she thinks I should stop hanging out with him. I understand why she feels that way, and he does sometimes get us in bad situations, but I can't drop a friend just because he's a bit immature. Can I? I can't change him; he is who he is. I've outgrown him, and I'm ready to settle down, but I don't know how to begin to end a lifelong friendship. -- Clown Buddies

DEAR CLOWN BUDDIES: You are in a classic situation that many couples face as they settle in to build a life together and, in turn, find the need to reposition some of their friendships. It is natural even as it is clearly awkward.

Rather than kicking this friend out of your life entirely, a compromise might be to reduce the frequency of engagements. Tell him that you and your girlfriend have turned a corner and are getting more serious, and you want to devote more time to her. Be less available. Visit with him away from home on occasion. Agree with your girlfriend on what times he can come over. Let her know you don’t want to ice him out of your life, but you are willing to see him less.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have never been good with money. Over the years, I have wasted so much money on stuff --clothing, shoes, jewelry. I swear I remember telling a friend that I wished I could eat my shoes one time when I was broke and hungry. Anyhow, now I am making good money, and I have started to save. I’m already in my late 40s with very little savings, but I figure if I stay committed to saving now, at least I will have something in my bank account for retirement. Do you think it’s too late to build a retirement account? Am I a hopeless case? -- Saving Now

DEAR SAVING NOW: It’s never too late to save money for your future. Given your age, you will need to be an aggressive saver and investor in order to create a nest egg for yourself. Don’t do this alone. Get a financial planner who understands money management and investing who can help you decide what to do with the money that you have now.

Take the time to find a financial expert who is right for you. Ask friends and loved ones for referrals. Ask your bank about what services they offer. Then interview potential advisers to see who feels like the right fit. There are many different types of money managers. To get started, read this article that breaks down financial needs and types of service providers: www.thebalance.com/how-to-find-the-best-financial-advisor-in-7-easy-steps-4032070.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is in a nursing home. She has recovered from COVID-19 in recent weeks. I haven’t seen her in months. Not seeing my mother has worn on me. She is so bright and vibrant. I saw her at least three times every week before the pandemic. I must have developed separation anxiety because I cry at all times of the day when I think of her. I feel like I have lost her and will never see her again. Not seeing her has really made me feel like she has passed on. But she hasn't; she is right where she always has been.

I have been demanding that her home let me see her, but they say it is just impossible. I talk to her for five or 10 minutes on the phone each week, but I just feel like I’ve abandoned her. At this point, I am ready to pull her from the home and bring her back to my place. Am I selfish if I do that? I just want her to be OK, and I have a feeling of guilt over not seeing her. -- Mama's Boy

DEAR MAMA’S BOY: The toll that COVID-19 has taken on our elders in nursing homes is hard to fathom. The isolation and loneliness are palpable, and experts say that many elders do not fare well in what has become a prisonlike environment. Further, like your mother, many elders have gotten the virus anyway from health care workers. It all seems unfair. As you are describing, what’s not discussed as often is the toll on family members who aren’t allowed to see their loved ones. It’s tough all around.

Talk to your mother’s doctor about her options. You need to have the capability to care for your mother if you bring her to live with you. How is her health, now that she has suffered COVID-19? The virus often leaves residual effects. What are her medical needs? Discuss everything with the doctor to weigh your options. For now, find out if her facility has an iPad or other such device. Many people are doing videocalls with their loved ones to help them stay connected.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex and I broke up when I found out he hid a daughter from me. He had gotten a woman pregnant whom he barely knew before we started dating, and she never told him until the daughter was born. Once she told him, he kept it to himself and got a DNA test. I found the DNA papers in the mail and left him after I knew he had been lying.

Three years have passed, and he recently came back to town and proposed to me. I’ve been secretly seeing someone from work for the past year, and this co-worker just told me that he loves me. I’m trying to figure out if maybe I moved on too fast from my ex or if I should keep to the new path I’ve paved. I still love my ex and was just hurt, while he’s doing well and saying all the things I’ve wanted him to say. Am I a fool to take him back? Or am I a fool to lose a new man who’s been great and wants to take things a step further? -- Fool for Love

DEAR FOOL FOR LOVE: Step back and evaluate your feelings. Did you and your ex ever talk about the situation after you left? If this relationship is unresolved in your heart, it may be hard for you to be fully present with your new beau.

You have to decide your next steps. Honesty must be your guiding force. If you want to give your ex a chance, you have to tell your guy at work what you are doing. But don’t just take your ex back. Talk it out and determine whether you share values, goals and dreams. Don’t take long to make a decision.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to go on spring break with my friends, but I told them this year I won’t because of the pandemic. They are all convinced that by spring break 2021, the virus will be gone and things will be back to normal. The whole country assumed back in March that it would be over by the summer, but now we are going into winter and the virus is still here.

I have been reading and researching, and I am trying to share my thoughts with them to convince them to not go, but they will not listen. Our college student conduct board could suspend them from campus if it learns they left the country, and I don’t think risking our futures on spring break is worth it. What else can I do to convince them to stay? -- Stop the Spread

DEAR STOP THE SPREAD: Calm down and do some research. Look at infection rates in the places you are considering visiting. If your friends’ idea is to go to a popular spring break spot where many young people gather, definitely discourage that. Show them statistics on infection rates after large gatherings. Go to the Centers for Disease Control website to learn as much as you can about the virus and track its spread: www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-nCoV/index.html. One strong suggestion is not to travel unnecessarily until there is a vaccine. By most indications, one will not be widely available by spring 2021. Tell your friends what you learn, and make your own decision. They will have to make theirs.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This month, I moved across the country for a new job. I work for a nonprofit organization where we focus on rebuilding communities. This is my third placement; I typically live in an area for two years on each job. I work with my team to engage with the community and help the town create and offer better living conditions and support for its people.

The latest town has really taken a toll on me. I think for once I finally understand what it is like to live in a broken community. I have had so many issues with my living situation that I am ready to move a few towns over and commute to work. But the whole point of my position is to engage and relate to the locals, and I can’t do that if I’m not a part of the community. They will just see me as another outsider trying to come in and treat them as charity work, and I do not want that. Do I, as a professional, forgo basic personal luxuries for a job? That's my role and what I have been doing for years in different places, but this time it’s so much harder. I just need some help staying focused and motivated on our goal, and letting go of my superficial wants. -- Lifting Our People Up

DEAR LIFTING OUR PEOPLE UP: Maybe what you need is a break. Can you take a vacation and go visit family or friends where you can enjoy some creature comforts? Tending to yourself is important so that you can maintain the energy to do this important work. Talk to your organization’s leadership for advice. I’m sure this has happened to others before. Seek their guidance. If that still doesn’t work, you may need to move.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)