DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is in a nursing home. She has recovered from COVID-19 in recent weeks. I haven’t seen her in months. Not seeing my mother has worn on me. She is so bright and vibrant. I saw her at least three times every week before the pandemic. I must have developed separation anxiety because I cry at all times of the day when I think of her. I feel like I have lost her and will never see her again. Not seeing her has really made me feel like she has passed on. But she hasn't; she is right where she always has been.

I have been demanding that her home let me see her, but they say it is just impossible. I talk to her for five or 10 minutes on the phone each week, but I just feel like I’ve abandoned her. At this point, I am ready to pull her from the home and bring her back to my place. Am I selfish if I do that? I just want her to be OK, and I have a feeling of guilt over not seeing her. -- Mama's Boy

DEAR MAMA’S BOY: The toll that COVID-19 has taken on our elders in nursing homes is hard to fathom. The isolation and loneliness are palpable, and experts say that many elders do not fare well in what has become a prisonlike environment. Further, like your mother, many elders have gotten the virus anyway from health care workers. It all seems unfair. As you are describing, what’s not discussed as often is the toll on family members who aren’t allowed to see their loved ones. It’s tough all around.

Talk to your mother’s doctor about her options. You need to have the capability to care for your mother if you bring her to live with you. How is her health, now that she has suffered COVID-19? The virus often leaves residual effects. What are her medical needs? Discuss everything with the doctor to weigh your options. For now, find out if her facility has an iPad or other such device. Many people are doing videocalls with their loved ones to help them stay connected.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex and I broke up when I found out he hid a daughter from me. He had gotten a woman pregnant whom he barely knew before we started dating, and she never told him until the daughter was born. Once she told him, he kept it to himself and got a DNA test. I found the DNA papers in the mail and left him after I knew he had been lying.

Three years have passed, and he recently came back to town and proposed to me. I’ve been secretly seeing someone from work for the past year, and this co-worker just told me that he loves me. I’m trying to figure out if maybe I moved on too fast from my ex or if I should keep to the new path I’ve paved. I still love my ex and was just hurt, while he’s doing well and saying all the things I’ve wanted him to say. Am I a fool to take him back? Or am I a fool to lose a new man who’s been great and wants to take things a step further? -- Fool for Love

DEAR FOOL FOR LOVE: Step back and evaluate your feelings. Did you and your ex ever talk about the situation after you left? If this relationship is unresolved in your heart, it may be hard for you to be fully present with your new beau.

You have to decide your next steps. Honesty must be your guiding force. If you want to give your ex a chance, you have to tell your guy at work what you are doing. But don’t just take your ex back. Talk it out and determine whether you share values, goals and dreams. Don’t take long to make a decision.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to go on spring break with my friends, but I told them this year I won’t because of the pandemic. They are all convinced that by spring break 2021, the virus will be gone and things will be back to normal. The whole country assumed back in March that it would be over by the summer, but now we are going into winter and the virus is still here.

I have been reading and researching, and I am trying to share my thoughts with them to convince them to not go, but they will not listen. Our college student conduct board could suspend them from campus if it learns they left the country, and I don’t think risking our futures on spring break is worth it. What else can I do to convince them to stay? -- Stop the Spread

DEAR STOP THE SPREAD: Calm down and do some research. Look at infection rates in the places you are considering visiting. If your friends’ idea is to go to a popular spring break spot where many young people gather, definitely discourage that. Show them statistics on infection rates after large gatherings. Go to the Centers for Disease Control website to learn as much as you can about the virus and track its spread: www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-nCoV/index.html. One strong suggestion is not to travel unnecessarily until there is a vaccine. By most indications, one will not be widely available by spring 2021. Tell your friends what you learn, and make your own decision. They will have to make theirs.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This month, I moved across the country for a new job. I work for a nonprofit organization where we focus on rebuilding communities. This is my third placement; I typically live in an area for two years on each job. I work with my team to engage with the community and help the town create and offer better living conditions and support for its people.

The latest town has really taken a toll on me. I think for once I finally understand what it is like to live in a broken community. I have had so many issues with my living situation that I am ready to move a few towns over and commute to work. But the whole point of my position is to engage and relate to the locals, and I can’t do that if I’m not a part of the community. They will just see me as another outsider trying to come in and treat them as charity work, and I do not want that. Do I, as a professional, forgo basic personal luxuries for a job? That's my role and what I have been doing for years in different places, but this time it’s so much harder. I just need some help staying focused and motivated on our goal, and letting go of my superficial wants. -- Lifting Our People Up

DEAR LIFTING OUR PEOPLE UP: Maybe what you need is a break. Can you take a vacation and go visit family or friends where you can enjoy some creature comforts? Tending to yourself is important so that you can maintain the energy to do this important work. Talk to your organization’s leadership for advice. I’m sure this has happened to others before. Seek their guidance. If that still doesn’t work, you may need to move.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: COVID has taken a heavy toll on everything lately. I thought it'd be over already, but unfortunately it's not. I am running out of options as to where to look for child care. My parents are deceased, my child's father is in and out of the military and I don't have much family.

Day care facilities always have incidents, so I am very wary of sending my child to such a place. Where do you think I can find adequate child care services? How can I make it easier to trust day care providers, given the stories I've been hearing? -- A Hand in Need

DEAR A HAND IN NEED: You must be vigilant in shopping for safe and healthy day care. Set aside time to do extensive research. You can call The Child Care Aware hotline (800-424-2246) to find your local child care resource and referral agency, which can refer you to licensed centers and home day cares in your area. Ask your friends and neighbors for referrals. Visit any center that you are seriously considering. Learn their COVID-19 policies and safety practices. Ultimately, you will have to trust your gut, too. If you cannot work from home, you will have to choose the center that best matches your criteria and stay on top of them. For more ideas read: www.babycenter.com/baby/childcare/how-to-find-good-daycare_5924.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have this incredible job I've always wanted, but I’m just not happy. When I was young and people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I said I wanted to make clothes. I love fashion. I love to draw new designs, and I know how to sew and bring a drawing to life.

I now have a dream job working with an upscale fashion line adding my taste and ideas to everything and getting to see it come alive. But once I see my ideas in magazines or on TV and in the stores, I no longer have the thrill I thought I would. Now, I am not even sure if fashion is really what I want to do anymore! How did I stop loving the only thing I have ever seen myself doing, and where do I go from here? I want to enjoy my job, but fashion is feeling like robotic work now, and I want more. -- Changing My Design

DEAR CHANGING MY DESIGN: One thing many people have said about being quarantined during COVID-19 is that they have taken time to assess their lives. It sounds like you are doing that right now and feeling the need to make adjustments.

Rather than doing anything rash, start doing research. Figure out where your passions lie now. What interests you? You may want to take a class to learn a new skill to prepare for a different type of work. It’s also possible that you may want to add a hobby to your schedule to help balance your time rather than walking away from your career. Give yourself a timeline of six months to a year to actively assess what’s next for you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)