DEAR HARRIETTE: I adopted my son as a baby. When he was still young, we explained to him how we were brought together as a family, and he understood. Now he is in college. Through the years, he has asked about his birth parents but never expressed any interest in meeting them. He says nothing will change who his family is.
Last week, I received notification from our agency that my son’s birth mother has been trying to locate him and meet him. This instantly freaked me out. I knew that this could happen, but when he became an adult, I figured my worst nightmare had passed. Now that it has happened, I am tempted to contact them to deny the request. I know my son says he doesn’t want to meet her, but now that she wants to meet him, will he feel the same? I don’t want to tell him anything because I am scared of losing him. Am I a horrible person if I pretend I didn’t see it? I’ve always had a transparent relationship with my son and tell it like it is, but this time feels different, and I don’t know if I can do this. Should I tell him? -- I’m His Mother
DEAR I’M HIS MOTHER: Of course you should tell your son that his birth mother is looking for him. You would never forgive yourself -- and he may never forgive you -- for withholding that information. Rest assured that your son loves you and knows that you are his mother. He is a young man now and deserves to gain whatever resolution he needs by meeting the woman who brought him into the world. Tell him.