DEAR HARRIETTE: I adopted my son as a baby. When he was still young, we explained to him how we were brought together as a family, and he understood. Now he is in college. Through the years, he has asked about his birth parents but never expressed any interest in meeting them. He says nothing will change who his family is.

Last week, I received notification from our agency that my son’s birth mother has been trying to locate him and meet him. This instantly freaked me out. I knew that this could happen, but when he became an adult, I figured my worst nightmare had passed. Now that it has happened, I am tempted to contact them to deny the request. I know my son says he doesn’t want to meet her, but now that she wants to meet him, will he feel the same? I don’t want to tell him anything because I am scared of losing him. Am I a horrible person if I pretend I didn’t see it? I’ve always had a transparent relationship with my son and tell it like it is, but this time feels different, and I don’t know if I can do this. Should I tell him? -- I’m His Mother

DEAR I’M HIS MOTHER: Of course you should tell your son that his birth mother is looking for him. You would never forgive yourself -- and he may never forgive you -- for withholding that information. Rest assured that your son loves you and knows that you are his mother. He is a young man now and deserves to gain whatever resolution he needs by meeting the woman who brought him into the world. Tell him.

DEAR HARRIETT: My wife and I have gone through about three maids. Every time we hire a maid, my wife fires them after only a month. She complains about how things are not being done the way she has explained to them. She definitely wants a maid. We have five kids and both work from home while the kids are learning virtually. We are home all the time but find it hard to keep up with housework, so a maid is needed.

But my wife has high demands, and I feel bad that we are continually firing someone each month. It is a difficult time, and people are looking for work. To hire them and fire them so quickly, I can imagine, puts them in a tough position. Not to mention, reviewing candidates to hire every single month is becoming an extra job. I have tried to tell my wife how unreasonable she is, but if she’s unhappy with the housework, then she is going to find someone else. I am getting exhausted in this pattern. I believe in the idea "If you want something done right, then you have to do it yourself," but we are drowning in work. We need to compromise to accept help. I need my wife to stop criticizing every single thing. Any suggestions to get her to pull back? -- Wife Runs the House

DEAR WIFE RUNS THE HOUSE: Get your wife to agree to give the next maid space to get the job done without her overseeing every step. Have your wife provide a written list of duties that the maid checks off each time they come. Convince your wife to let you manage this process for three months. Just like probation at work, give this employee 90 days to get it right.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I will be graduating from college soon. I am an actress, and he wants to go to medical school. We both have dreams for our careers, but they lead us in different directions. I want to move to New York City to pursue performing on Broadway, and he has a dream to open a small practice in his hometown, where he also wants to go to medical school. I’ve tried to convince him to come with me to New York and apply to schools near there, but he is looking at his endgame of opening a practice and thinks it will be harder to do in New York. I simply can’t pursue a Broadway career anywhere but Broadway.

We are stuck. I don’t want to do long distance. We strongly support each other’s careers, but it just seems like fate is drawing us away from each other. How do people figure out how to line up their dreams with their relationships? I just don’t see an answer where we can stay together and still both get what we want. -- Different Ends of the Country

DEAR DIFFERENT ENDS OF THE COUNTRY: Sadly, because of COVID-19, we have no idea when Broadway will reopen. It is completely shut down right now for health reasons, as is much of the live performance world. That isn’t to say that your dream cannot be fulfilled, but you may want to consider a different track or timeline for getting there. Before you walk away from your boyfriend, research the areas where he wants to go to school. Look at areas that are within two hours of New York City where you might be able to commute while he sets up a practice. What is the theater community like in those areas? Is there a chance for work of any kind in your field? Get creative.

If you two want to be together, look for ways to make that happen, even if long distance is a short-term part of the equation. Many couples have survived your conundrum by agreeing on timelines that include living apart and together at different intervals. Technology makes it easier to stay connected when you are apart as well. You do not have to give up on your relationship if you both pursue your dreams, but you may have to adjust your expectations and timetables for reaching those goals.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think my male best friend is gay. I don’t want to prejudge him or force any stereotypes on him, but lately I’ve been noticing things that he does that most other guys do not. I am a girl with three brothers, and my best friend is a boy from next door. My brothers and I grew up really close to him. He is a jock, and quite frankly all of the girls in high school loved him, but he has never had a girlfriend.

We both now go to our local community college. I never had a boyfriend in high school either, so we made a pact to date each other in college. But he seems more interested in helping me find a guy than in finding a girl for himself. He describes attractive features of men in much more detail. He will point out a guy and tell me that he looks like he works out and has dreamy eyes and great hair. But when I point out amazing girls, he never finds one attractive and just redirects the conversation back to a guy. I’m starting to wonder if maybe he actually is interested in men. I want to ask him, but I don’t want to offend him. How can I have this conversation? -- Closet Best Friend

DEAR CLOSET BEST FRIEND: You have two clear options. Let your friend be. When he is ready to talk about his romantic feelings, trust that he will. Or ask him directly if he is interested in men and point out that his comments make you wonder. If you go that route, be sure to tell him that you love him either way.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in love with two men at the same time. One is my long-term boyfriend. We met at work, started dating and eventually moved in together. The other man is a childhood friend that I have known my whole life. He has always been there for me. Both of our families are so close, it's like we are one big family. My friend is also dating someone else. This is the first time both of us have been in relationships at the same time. So seeing both of us with other people makes me feel like we are living a fairy tale.

For the first time ever, I am beginning to wonder why we never got together, and it actually makes me scared to think we might go separate ways in life. I don’t ever want to lose him, and I realize now that I love him. My boyfriend is great, and he is everything I want. How do I begin to decide who I should be with? -- In Love With Both

DEAR IN LOVE WITH BOTH: Step back and survey your life. What do you like about it? What bothers you? What is fulfilling, and what is not? How does each of these men figure into your happiness? Could it be that you are confusing the love of friendship with romantic love? Pay close attention to what each of these relationships means to you and how each plays out.

The fantasy of “what ifs” can be debilitating for a person, and you could easily lose both of these men. You have to decide first if you still want to be with your boyfriend. What do you enjoy about being with him? Do you share values, hopes and dreams? Do you want to spend your life with him? If you are unsure, then he may not be the one for you.

Assess your childhood friend. What do you love about him platonically? What do you think you love about him as a partner? Could your jealous stirrings be simply because he has a girlfriend, or is it deeper than that? Sit with your questions and feelings and do your best to determine an honorable way to move forward. Do not try to have them both as lovers. That will end in disaster.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend is really competitive. She is an athlete and plays a lot of sports at school. We are pretty goofy and make a game out of everything. We will race each other, make bets and see who can do things the fastest. But sometimes it becomes nonstop. I can never just relax with her.

She is always egging me on to play her in something. Typically, she wins, but those rare times when she loses, she won’t let it go. She will ask for a rematch, and she will get mad at me if she loses. I just want to hang out like regular people without having to compete all the time, especially if it leads to her getting upset. How does someone break this habit? -- Stop the Competition

DEAR STOP THE COMPETITION: Stop taking the bait. Tell her you want to spend time with her, but you are tired of competing. Invite her to do noncompetitive activities with you where you are just together. Spend less time together with more space for just talking. Refuse to get caught up in the game when she starts it. Reduce that engagement by half.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)