DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in love with two men at the same time. One is my long-term boyfriend. We met at work, started dating and eventually moved in together. The other man is a childhood friend that I have known my whole life. He has always been there for me. Both of our families are so close, it's like we are one big family. My friend is also dating someone else. This is the first time both of us have been in relationships at the same time. So seeing both of us with other people makes me feel like we are living a fairy tale.

For the first time ever, I am beginning to wonder why we never got together, and it actually makes me scared to think we might go separate ways in life. I don’t ever want to lose him, and I realize now that I love him. My boyfriend is great, and he is everything I want. How do I begin to decide who I should be with? -- In Love With Both

DEAR IN LOVE WITH BOTH: Step back and survey your life. What do you like about it? What bothers you? What is fulfilling, and what is not? How does each of these men figure into your happiness? Could it be that you are confusing the love of friendship with romantic love? Pay close attention to what each of these relationships means to you and how each plays out.

The fantasy of “what ifs” can be debilitating for a person, and you could easily lose both of these men. You have to decide first if you still want to be with your boyfriend. What do you enjoy about being with him? Do you share values, hopes and dreams? Do you want to spend your life with him? If you are unsure, then he may not be the one for you.

Assess your childhood friend. What do you love about him platonically? What do you think you love about him as a partner? Could your jealous stirrings be simply because he has a girlfriend, or is it deeper than that? Sit with your questions and feelings and do your best to determine an honorable way to move forward. Do not try to have them both as lovers. That will end in disaster.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend is really competitive. She is an athlete and plays a lot of sports at school. We are pretty goofy and make a game out of everything. We will race each other, make bets and see who can do things the fastest. But sometimes it becomes nonstop. I can never just relax with her.

She is always egging me on to play her in something. Typically, she wins, but those rare times when she loses, she won’t let it go. She will ask for a rematch, and she will get mad at me if she loses. I just want to hang out like regular people without having to compete all the time, especially if it leads to her getting upset. How does someone break this habit? -- Stop the Competition

DEAR STOP THE COMPETITION: Stop taking the bait. Tell her you want to spend time with her, but you are tired of competing. Invite her to do noncompetitive activities with you where you are just together. Spend less time together with more space for just talking. Refuse to get caught up in the game when she starts it. Reduce that engagement by half.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Dealing with grief is different for everyone, and there is no telling how long someone will grieve. I want to respect that in every way, but my employee, a young adult who has lost her mother, has been out of work for two months now. I understand her situation. She is about 20 years old, and it was just her and her mother. I am sure she is drowning in the unknown of what to do next.

As a business owner, I am in unknown territory as well here. She is a great employee. I do not want to lose her, but after all this time, she still has not agreed to come back to work. I need help. She received some bereavement pay, but I cannot afford to bring someone else in and also keep her. What’s the best approach to telling her she needs to come back to work or resign? -- A Boss Who Cares

DEAR A BOSS WHO CARES: You have extended your kindness to this employee above and beyond the norm. While bereavement leave is not required of a company, the standard amount of time that an employee is given paid leave is up to three business days after a family member’s death. Unpaid leave rarely runs longer than a week. Two months is extremely generous.

Talk to your employee. Let her know that you realize she is suffering, and this is why you have allowed her to be out of work for so long, but now she must return or you will be forced to fill her position with someone else. Make it clear that you prefer to welcome her back, but you have a business to run, and the position must be filled by someone. Start looking for her replacement. And if you haven’t stopped paying this employee, do so now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 25 and live at home with my parents. We live in an expensive metropolitan area, so it is not easy to move out on my own and find something affordable.

We live in a two-family home. The tenant in our first-floor apartment passed away, and my parents have not moved anyone else into that apartment. A few months after he died, we agreed that I would take out a loan to renovate the apartment, move down there and pay rent. Two years have passed, and my parents are dragging their feet on allowing me to begin renovations. At this point, I am tired of waiting on them to make things happen for me. Should I take my chances and move out on my own, or just continue to wait it out? Renting here would be cheaper than anywhere else, but I cannot wait any longer. -- Waiting a Lifetime

DEAR WAITING A LIFETIME: As an adult, it is time for you to take control of your life. Evaluate your circumstances -- your income, your savings and your plan for the future. Start looking for apartments to get a sense of what is available on the market. Save every dollar that you can to build a nest egg for whenever you leave. Have a serious conversation with your parents about your plans and your desire to continue to live in their house, but also your need to move in a particular time frame if they are unwilling to greenlight the renovation.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is only 4 years old. She's pretty smart and knows how to read people and sense their emotions. She knows that when I am happy, she can ask for something she wants. If I am not happy, she tends to not bother me, and she plays and entertains herself on her own. I feel like I have a 16-year-old.

I started to catch on to what was happening when I realized that during her favorite afternoon show, she would always ask for a piece of my chocolate candy -- until one day she stopped. I don't always give her one. Out of curiosity, I checked the candy box, and it was empty! When I asked her if she had had any chocolate, she told me she never asked for chocolate today. When I asked her why she didn't ask, she said because there is no more. How did she know that? I checked the lunch box she uses to keep her snacks and found all the wrappers.

How does a 4-year-old lie and create an operation like this? I don't want her to think lying and stealing are OK. Is this something I should be concerned about? -- Manipulative 4-Year-Old

DEAR MANIPULATIVE 4-YEAR-OLD: By age 4, many children have a good sense of how to get what they want. Your smart daughter fits into that mold all too well. What you need to do is talk to her matter-of-factly and let her know your values and expectations for her. Show her the candy wrappers in her box and ask her why she took the candy without asking. Ask her how she thinks you feel about her hiding this from you. Tell her how disappointed you are that she would do this. Tell her that you expect her to tell the truth and not to take candy -- or anything else -- without your permission. Check to see if she understands.

In the future, commend her on things that she does well and point out when she should do something differently. Be consistent.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife constantly makes bad decisions and throws money at her problems. She has crashed two of our cars in the past two months. She has broken pieces of her jewelry and has lost her phone a couple times. Her solution is just to buy a new one or to get it fixed. When there are so many different issues at the same time, using money to solve them adds up. We are financially stable, but I worry that if she keeps it up at this pace, it will put us in a bad position.

I can’t keep sitting by as our money is thrown at problems that could have been easily prevented if she had been more careful. I’ve told her that we cannot keep wasting money, but then she reminds me that she is the sole provider in our house and she would rather spend the money than figure out something else. Should I stay with someone that is financially irresponsible? -- Wife Throws Away Money

DEAR WIFE THROWS AWAY MONEY: It sounds like there is a deeper issue afoot. Your wife may be feeling pressured because she is the principal breadwinner as well as indignant that you would say anything about money, given that you aren’t bringing any in.

You two need to talk openly about the pathway to the future. What do you need to ensure that your family will be financially and spiritually happy? What does your wife need to be able to slow down and be more mindful? What can you do to support her and the family more actively so that you share the pressures and burdens of bills, household responsibilities and overall duties?

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)