DEAR HARRIETTE: Dealing with grief is different for everyone, and there is no telling how long someone will grieve. I want to respect that in every way, but my employee, a young adult who has lost her mother, has been out of work for two months now. I understand her situation. She is about 20 years old, and it was just her and her mother. I am sure she is drowning in the unknown of what to do next.

As a business owner, I am in unknown territory as well here. She is a great employee. I do not want to lose her, but after all this time, she still has not agreed to come back to work. I need help. She received some bereavement pay, but I cannot afford to bring someone else in and also keep her. What’s the best approach to telling her she needs to come back to work or resign? -- A Boss Who Cares

DEAR A BOSS WHO CARES: You have extended your kindness to this employee above and beyond the norm. While bereavement leave is not required of a company, the standard amount of time that an employee is given paid leave is up to three business days after a family member’s death. Unpaid leave rarely runs longer than a week. Two months is extremely generous.

Talk to your employee. Let her know that you realize she is suffering, and this is why you have allowed her to be out of work for so long, but now she must return or you will be forced to fill her position with someone else. Make it clear that you prefer to welcome her back, but you have a business to run, and the position must be filled by someone. Start looking for her replacement. And if you haven’t stopped paying this employee, do so now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 25 and live at home with my parents. We live in an expensive metropolitan area, so it is not easy to move out on my own and find something affordable.

We live in a two-family home. The tenant in our first-floor apartment passed away, and my parents have not moved anyone else into that apartment. A few months after he died, we agreed that I would take out a loan to renovate the apartment, move down there and pay rent. Two years have passed, and my parents are dragging their feet on allowing me to begin renovations. At this point, I am tired of waiting on them to make things happen for me. Should I take my chances and move out on my own, or just continue to wait it out? Renting here would be cheaper than anywhere else, but I cannot wait any longer. -- Waiting a Lifetime

DEAR WAITING A LIFETIME: As an adult, it is time for you to take control of your life. Evaluate your circumstances -- your income, your savings and your plan for the future. Start looking for apartments to get a sense of what is available on the market. Save every dollar that you can to build a nest egg for whenever you leave. Have a serious conversation with your parents about your plans and your desire to continue to live in their house, but also your need to move in a particular time frame if they are unwilling to greenlight the renovation.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is only 4 years old. She's pretty smart and knows how to read people and sense their emotions. She knows that when I am happy, she can ask for something she wants. If I am not happy, she tends to not bother me, and she plays and entertains herself on her own. I feel like I have a 16-year-old.

I started to catch on to what was happening when I realized that during her favorite afternoon show, she would always ask for a piece of my chocolate candy -- until one day she stopped. I don't always give her one. Out of curiosity, I checked the candy box, and it was empty! When I asked her if she had had any chocolate, she told me she never asked for chocolate today. When I asked her why she didn't ask, she said because there is no more. How did she know that? I checked the lunch box she uses to keep her snacks and found all the wrappers.

How does a 4-year-old lie and create an operation like this? I don't want her to think lying and stealing are OK. Is this something I should be concerned about? -- Manipulative 4-Year-Old

DEAR MANIPULATIVE 4-YEAR-OLD: By age 4, many children have a good sense of how to get what they want. Your smart daughter fits into that mold all too well. What you need to do is talk to her matter-of-factly and let her know your values and expectations for her. Show her the candy wrappers in her box and ask her why she took the candy without asking. Ask her how she thinks you feel about her hiding this from you. Tell her how disappointed you are that she would do this. Tell her that you expect her to tell the truth and not to take candy -- or anything else -- without your permission. Check to see if she understands.

In the future, commend her on things that she does well and point out when she should do something differently. Be consistent.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife constantly makes bad decisions and throws money at her problems. She has crashed two of our cars in the past two months. She has broken pieces of her jewelry and has lost her phone a couple times. Her solution is just to buy a new one or to get it fixed. When there are so many different issues at the same time, using money to solve them adds up. We are financially stable, but I worry that if she keeps it up at this pace, it will put us in a bad position.

I can’t keep sitting by as our money is thrown at problems that could have been easily prevented if she had been more careful. I’ve told her that we cannot keep wasting money, but then she reminds me that she is the sole provider in our house and she would rather spend the money than figure out something else. Should I stay with someone that is financially irresponsible? -- Wife Throws Away Money

DEAR WIFE THROWS AWAY MONEY: It sounds like there is a deeper issue afoot. Your wife may be feeling pressured because she is the principal breadwinner as well as indignant that you would say anything about money, given that you aren’t bringing any in.

You two need to talk openly about the pathway to the future. What do you need to ensure that your family will be financially and spiritually happy? What does your wife need to be able to slow down and be more mindful? What can you do to support her and the family more actively so that you share the pressures and burdens of bills, household responsibilities and overall duties?

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I live together. He doesn’t like to party or go out, but I do. I like to be with my girlfriends and have fun. All of my girlfriends are in relationships, too. Anytime I tell him that my girls want to go away on a trip, he tells me to go enjoy myself. When the day gets closer, he starts to tell me he doesn't want me to go because he doesn’t know what my friends and I will be doing and he's not comfortable with it. I know if I still go, he will just constantly call and text me and I won't enjoy myself.

At times, I feel trapped. I don't want to spend my life knowing there will never be an overnight trip I can take without him. I want him to be able to trust me, but he makes me feel like he doesn’t. Is this a trust issue or something deeper? -- Don't Want To Get Trapped

DEAR DON’T WANT TO GET TRAPPED: Since all of your girlfriends are in relationships as well, could you plan a couples trip? Perhaps if your boyfriend experiences being with the whole group, he may relax when you are just with the girls. That’s worth a try.

Outside of that, you may want to reconsider if this is the partner for you. If you and your girlfriends are truly just enjoying spending girl time together and he cannot accept that, he may be too controlling for your taste. Now is the time to figure out how compatible you two are -- that includes your values and practices. You need to have shared values in order to enjoy a long-term committed relationship.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think my girlfriend is taking dieting too far. She has tried multiple different diets. Her whole goal is to lose weight and get in shape. But her drastic diets have caused her to lose sleep and become dehydrated, making her tired and unable to focus. Meanwhile, she does not work out, and she hasn't lost a single pound.

I can see she is straining her health, but there is no reward. She really thinks she feels a difference in her body and that it's for the best, but it's not. I've done research to help her realize she needs to eat healthy and exercise. I need help to guide her in the right direction and convince her to change her mindset. What resources can help her diet safely? -- Concerned Friend

DEAR CONCERNED FRIEND: Suggest that your girlfriend schedule an appointment with her doctor to get a complete assessment of her health. Her physician can refer her to a dietitian, who can design an eating plan that is healthy and low in calories. Be your girlfriend’s advocate and go with her if she allows you to. Encourage her to get professional, medically sound advice on how to move forward. With proper diet and exercise, she should be able to get her weight and health under control, but it is not easy. Do your best not to be judgmental as you encourage her to seek medical help. Be a cheerleader.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)