DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is only 4 years old. She's pretty smart and knows how to read people and sense their emotions. She knows that when I am happy, she can ask for something she wants. If I am not happy, she tends to not bother me, and she plays and entertains herself on her own. I feel like I have a 16-year-old.

I started to catch on to what was happening when I realized that during her favorite afternoon show, she would always ask for a piece of my chocolate candy -- until one day she stopped. I don't always give her one. Out of curiosity, I checked the candy box, and it was empty! When I asked her if she had had any chocolate, she told me she never asked for chocolate today. When I asked her why she didn't ask, she said because there is no more. How did she know that? I checked the lunch box she uses to keep her snacks and found all the wrappers.

How does a 4-year-old lie and create an operation like this? I don't want her to think lying and stealing are OK. Is this something I should be concerned about? -- Manipulative 4-Year-Old

DEAR MANIPULATIVE 4-YEAR-OLD: By age 4, many children have a good sense of how to get what they want. Your smart daughter fits into that mold all too well. What you need to do is talk to her matter-of-factly and let her know your values and expectations for her. Show her the candy wrappers in her box and ask her why she took the candy without asking. Ask her how she thinks you feel about her hiding this from you. Tell her how disappointed you are that she would do this. Tell her that you expect her to tell the truth and not to take candy -- or anything else -- without your permission. Check to see if she understands.

In the future, commend her on things that she does well and point out when she should do something differently. Be consistent.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife constantly makes bad decisions and throws money at her problems. She has crashed two of our cars in the past two months. She has broken pieces of her jewelry and has lost her phone a couple times. Her solution is just to buy a new one or to get it fixed. When there are so many different issues at the same time, using money to solve them adds up. We are financially stable, but I worry that if she keeps it up at this pace, it will put us in a bad position.

I can’t keep sitting by as our money is thrown at problems that could have been easily prevented if she had been more careful. I’ve told her that we cannot keep wasting money, but then she reminds me that she is the sole provider in our house and she would rather spend the money than figure out something else. Should I stay with someone that is financially irresponsible? -- Wife Throws Away Money

DEAR WIFE THROWS AWAY MONEY: It sounds like there is a deeper issue afoot. Your wife may be feeling pressured because she is the principal breadwinner as well as indignant that you would say anything about money, given that you aren’t bringing any in.

You two need to talk openly about the pathway to the future. What do you need to ensure that your family will be financially and spiritually happy? What does your wife need to be able to slow down and be more mindful? What can you do to support her and the family more actively so that you share the pressures and burdens of bills, household responsibilities and overall duties?

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I live together. He doesn’t like to party or go out, but I do. I like to be with my girlfriends and have fun. All of my girlfriends are in relationships, too. Anytime I tell him that my girls want to go away on a trip, he tells me to go enjoy myself. When the day gets closer, he starts to tell me he doesn't want me to go because he doesn’t know what my friends and I will be doing and he's not comfortable with it. I know if I still go, he will just constantly call and text me and I won't enjoy myself.

At times, I feel trapped. I don't want to spend my life knowing there will never be an overnight trip I can take without him. I want him to be able to trust me, but he makes me feel like he doesn’t. Is this a trust issue or something deeper? -- Don't Want To Get Trapped

DEAR DON’T WANT TO GET TRAPPED: Since all of your girlfriends are in relationships as well, could you plan a couples trip? Perhaps if your boyfriend experiences being with the whole group, he may relax when you are just with the girls. That’s worth a try.

Outside of that, you may want to reconsider if this is the partner for you. If you and your girlfriends are truly just enjoying spending girl time together and he cannot accept that, he may be too controlling for your taste. Now is the time to figure out how compatible you two are -- that includes your values and practices. You need to have shared values in order to enjoy a long-term committed relationship.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think my girlfriend is taking dieting too far. She has tried multiple different diets. Her whole goal is to lose weight and get in shape. But her drastic diets have caused her to lose sleep and become dehydrated, making her tired and unable to focus. Meanwhile, she does not work out, and she hasn't lost a single pound.

I can see she is straining her health, but there is no reward. She really thinks she feels a difference in her body and that it's for the best, but it's not. I've done research to help her realize she needs to eat healthy and exercise. I need help to guide her in the right direction and convince her to change her mindset. What resources can help her diet safely? -- Concerned Friend

DEAR CONCERNED FRIEND: Suggest that your girlfriend schedule an appointment with her doctor to get a complete assessment of her health. Her physician can refer her to a dietitian, who can design an eating plan that is healthy and low in calories. Be your girlfriend’s advocate and go with her if she allows you to. Encourage her to get professional, medically sound advice on how to move forward. With proper diet and exercise, she should be able to get her weight and health under control, but it is not easy. Do your best not to be judgmental as you encourage her to seek medical help. Be a cheerleader.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was previously a janitor for a school. Though schools are reopening, school days are limited, and I was officially notified that I will not be returning to work because my position was cut from the budget. Unemployment compensation for the pandemic is about to end. I’ve been searching for employment somewhere in my area but have been unsuccessful. I don’t have any degrees or skills.

I used to be so optimistic and applied for jobs knowing that I could sell myself up. But now that we’ve been home for so long, I feel like I don’t know how to get the go-getter attitude back. I feel like the only job I can qualify for right now is fast-food restaurants, and even then, positions are limited because I feel like everyone is trying to take whatever job they can, like me, and I have been unlucky. What else do I do to find a job, and what kind of jobs should I be looking for in this age of COVID-19? -- Struggling Worker

DEAR STRUGGLING WORKER: Times are incredibly tight, and you are right to be concerned. You also know that the winning attitude that you once had is essential for you to maintain to make yourself appealing to potential employers. Remind yourself of your willingness to work hard and your ability to do whatever job is before you. Continue to apply at fast-food restaurants, but expand beyond there. Look around in your neighborhood, at community centers, houses of worship, soup kitchens, nursing homes and other public service organizations. Know that front-line organizations that service people suffering from COVID-19 may have openings for janitors. If you are willing to take the risk, that may be a viable option. Go online and look for labor jobs. Write down the skills you used as a janitor and look broadly to see what companies are hiring. Do not give up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I gave birth back in June, so my baby is about 4 months old now. The public is beginning to open back up. I have kept my newborn home and have not allowed anyone outside of my family to enter. Now we are transitioning to getting things back to normal. I have to return to work and hire a nanny.

I am terrified. I am nervous about hiring a nanny and not ever knowing what they do or where they go on their own time before and after they come to my home. Sending my child somewhere is out of the question. I know my worries are probably exaggerated, and I need to come to terms with getting back to normal, too. Since this is my first child, I have developed anxiety when it comes to my baby. What extra precautions can I use when I and others come and go from my home, and what can I do to put my mind at ease? -- Safe First Mommy

DEAR SAFE FIRST MOMMY: Stay vigilant. Statistics indicate that COVID-19 is back on the rise this season. The more you can keep your baby away from other people, the safer you will be. Continue to have family members -- and anyone else who comes in close contact with you or your baby -- wear a mask, wash hands thoroughly and keep a safe distance. Limit who can touch your baby.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)