DEAR HARRIETTE: My father and I haven’t spoken in about two years. I had a baby out of wedlock, and he disowned me the moment he found out. I lost my dad, mom and sisters and was estranged from the family on his orders. He doesn’t allow anyone in the family to communicate with me. The last time I spoke to them was the day he told me to collect my belongings and I had to move in with my boyfriend’s family. They don’t even know my child’s name or gender.

This week, my boyfriend gave me a piece of mail addressed to me that was labeled as coming from my father. My heart sank when I received it, and I have been sick ever since. I haven’t opened it and don’t know if I should. My 21st birthday just passed, so maybe it’s a birthday card. After not seeing or hearing from my family, though, why now? I have been so fortunate and peaceful since being kicked out. I don’t want to see anything that is going to shake my peace. Should I open the letter? -- Excommunicated Daughter

DEAR EXCOMMUNICATED DAUGHTER: Open the envelope. Whatever it is, you can handle it. Not knowing is eating you up. You might as well know. Sit with your boyfriend if you believe he will be supportive, and open the mail together. Whatever your father says, know that you are now an adult with a child and a family. You are already taking care of yourself and making your way without your father’s help. Of course you miss your family and are hurt that you are disconnected from them, but it’s essential that you remember that you have proven yourself capable of fending for yourself without them.

Now, open the letter. If it is conciliatory, you have your opening to reconnect to the family. If it is not, you will decide how to proceed. Do know that children have a way of melting hearts. Even when parents start out judgmental based on religious or other values, connecting to those little angels often can heal. You might want to send photos of your baby to your family with a note saying how much you miss them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend and I just started dating, and her birthday is coming up. I want to do something special for her. When I asked her what she wanted to do for her birthday, she said not to worry about it. If I have ever learned anything about women, I’m just going to assume she doesn’t actually mean that. I would like to take her word for it, but I just can’t be the boyfriend that actually does nothing.

My girlfriend is an interior designer, so she pays attention to detail and is very over-the-top, but she hates surprises. So I am stuck. Do I go big? Do I do something small? Should I tell her or not? She already gave me an answer, but I feel like her asking for nothing has put me in a more difficult position. How do I know how to give her what she wants? -- I Don’t Speak Girl

DEAR I DON’T SPEAK GIRL: Your effort is noteworthy. I wouldn’t surprise your girlfriend. Instead, invite her to a special socially distanced dinner with you at a local restaurant or invite her to a meal that you prepare with all of her favorite foods. Tell her that you want to do something special for her that she will appreciate and that you hope she will welcome it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am an entrepreneur with a small business. For several years now, I have worked without an assistant because I just couldn’t afford to have help. Recently, I hired one full-time helper, but I realize I need more help. There is just too much work for this one person to handle. Amazingly, during this period of quarantine, my business is growing. We have been working around the clock, it seems, to respond to calls and to handle new business.

I am so grateful, but I am also afraid to add to my bottom-line expenses. After more than two months of working every day including weekends, with no real time off, my assistant and I are exhausted, and I know I have to do something. How can I be sure that I will be able to keep a second person on the payroll in these uncertain times? -- Afraid To Expand

DEAR AFRAID TO EXPAND: Instead of succumbing to fear, do the math. With a bookkeeper or accountant, review your finances and trends in your business. Go over projections for the next year based on your current work and what you anticipate in the coming months. Review what you will need to pay in taxes and in operating expenses. Also, write down where you want your business to be in the next year.

If it seems that you will have enough resources to hire another worker, bring the person on as an hourly, part-time employee. Make it clear to the new hire that this is a test period to see if the person is a fit for your company and whether you have the resources to hire somebody full time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In response to "Go to the Doctor," we had a local celebrity who faced the same diagnosis and was reluctant to see a doctor. His wife wrote him a very sincere and emotional letter expressing how much she loved him, how he had enriched her life, and the effect his loss would have on her future. It was quite personal, but he read her letter to his listening audience in hopes that it would persuade other men to see the situation through their wife's eyes and get to the doctor ASAP.

It was an emotionally difficult read for him, and he had this listener in tears. But it worked! He immediately made a call to his doctor and completed his cancer treatment program. Perhaps this approach would do some good for your writer too. I wish her luck! -- Cancer in Texas

DEAR CANCER IN TEXAS: Thank you for sharing this story. For everyone out there who is afraid to go to the doctor to learn what is ailing you and get it treated, take heed. The incredible benefit of modern medicine is that many illnesses can be diagnosed in a timely manner, and often there are options for treatment. Your life is precious. Rise above your fear, and please seek support. Ask a friend or loved one to accompany you, if you will accept the moral support. Your life is worth saving.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My kids and I just watched the first presidential debate, and everybody is so upset. My kids are in middle school, and all they kept saying is that the candidates were acting like they were misbehaving schoolchildren. One of my kids said the two men were acting like they were in kindergarten.

I don’t really know what to tell my kids. Of course, the candidates shouldn’t have acted like that, but it seems like this is the new normal. What can I say to my kids to help them know what I expect and what our values are when our leaders are acting so poorly? -- Throw My Hands Up

DEAR THROW MY HANDS UP: Stick to expressing your values to your children. Point out that when people yell at and over each other, nobody's heard and nothing is accomplished. Remind them that learning how to talk to each other is a key to good, respectful communication. Note that, sadly, sometimes adults fail to follow that basic rule -- which doesn’t make it right.

Give them hope by letting them know that they are the next generation of leaders. It is incumbent on them to learn how to communicate effectively, to commit to being strong in their research and convictions and to practice how to listen and be heard. While neither you nor they can control these men who are vying for the most important job in the world, they can do their part to ensure that when it is their turn to lead -- from roles in school and extracurricular groups right now to government in the future -- they must be ready to lead with dignity.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother has been hospitalized for COVID-19 for two weeks now, and the experience for the family has been horrible. Rarely can we get a nurse on the phone to give us updates. The doctor seems to be a phantom. Only once have we been able to reach him. The nurses have asked us to stop calling so much because we are disrupting their day. We have countered by asking if anyone can put our mother on the phone just so we can hear her voice. We aren’t certain of the status of her condition and don’t know what to do to receive better communication. What do you recommend? -- Disconnected

DEAR DISCONNECTED: Even all these months after COVID-19 began ravaging our communities and straining our hospital capacity, lingering problems of poor communication, and sometimes neglectful care, plague us. I have no magic bullet, but I have talked to some people in the field and can make some simple recommendations.

Assign one family member as the designated contact person. This will help the hospital staff to have one person to talk to and to contact with updates. Call the hospital in between shifts when nurses are more likely to be at the nurses’ station. Be kind and clear. Ask for specific information as calmly as you can. Build a rapport with nurses if at all possible. If they care about you and your mother, your chances increase for finding out key details of your mother’s status and care. Contact a supervisor if you are getting no results. Reserve sharp tones for moments when you need to escalate in order to advocate for your mother.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)