DEAR HARRIETTE: My kids and I just watched the first presidential debate, and everybody is so upset. My kids are in middle school, and all they kept saying is that the candidates were acting like they were misbehaving schoolchildren. One of my kids said the two men were acting like they were in kindergarten.

I don’t really know what to tell my kids. Of course, the candidates shouldn’t have acted like that, but it seems like this is the new normal. What can I say to my kids to help them know what I expect and what our values are when our leaders are acting so poorly? -- Throw My Hands Up

DEAR THROW MY HANDS UP: Stick to expressing your values to your children. Point out that when people yell at and over each other, nobody's heard and nothing is accomplished. Remind them that learning how to talk to each other is a key to good, respectful communication. Note that, sadly, sometimes adults fail to follow that basic rule -- which doesn’t make it right.

Give them hope by letting them know that they are the next generation of leaders. It is incumbent on them to learn how to communicate effectively, to commit to being strong in their research and convictions and to practice how to listen and be heard. While neither you nor they can control these men who are vying for the most important job in the world, they can do their part to ensure that when it is their turn to lead -- from roles in school and extracurricular groups right now to government in the future -- they must be ready to lead with dignity.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother has been hospitalized for COVID-19 for two weeks now, and the experience for the family has been horrible. Rarely can we get a nurse on the phone to give us updates. The doctor seems to be a phantom. Only once have we been able to reach him. The nurses have asked us to stop calling so much because we are disrupting their day. We have countered by asking if anyone can put our mother on the phone just so we can hear her voice. We aren’t certain of the status of her condition and don’t know what to do to receive better communication. What do you recommend? -- Disconnected

DEAR DISCONNECTED: Even all these months after COVID-19 began ravaging our communities and straining our hospital capacity, lingering problems of poor communication, and sometimes neglectful care, plague us. I have no magic bullet, but I have talked to some people in the field and can make some simple recommendations.

Assign one family member as the designated contact person. This will help the hospital staff to have one person to talk to and to contact with updates. Call the hospital in between shifts when nurses are more likely to be at the nurses’ station. Be kind and clear. Ask for specific information as calmly as you can. Build a rapport with nurses if at all possible. If they care about you and your mother, your chances increase for finding out key details of your mother’s status and care. Contact a supervisor if you are getting no results. Reserve sharp tones for moments when you need to escalate in order to advocate for your mother.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father is in a nursing home, and he recently fell. He needs more care than this place has to offer. My sister, who lives in the area, has been handling things, but now we have to make tough decisions. She has been asking me and my brother to weigh in so that she doesn’t have to do everything herself. I feel weird about that.

Since I’m not there, how can I really be of help? I can’t see what’s going on with him, while she has much more access. I feel like she should have full authority to do whatever she thinks is right. My brother, on the other hand, has lots of opinions. She seems to be OK with what he has to say. I feel uncomfortable chiming in. What do you recommend that I do? -- Daddy Issues

DEAR DADDY ISSUES: It can feel burdensome for the local adult child to have to make all the decisions for an ailing parent. Your sister has asked for your opinion because she values it and needs it. It actually is selfish of you not to share your thoughts, whatever they are. Your sister honestly needs your support.

Pay close attention to what’s happening with your father. Do research when required. Learn as much as you can about what he is facing so that you can offer informed recommendations or thoughts when she asks. You can also be crystal clear that while you are happy to supply information, you defer to her in the decision-making, as she is the one on the ground seeing the situation play out in real time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My employer recently informed us that we will not go back into the office physically until next year sometime -- probably not until midyear. I have an expensive apartment and have been thinking about giving up my lease and moving to my dream town. Right now, I live in Manhattan, and I feel like I’m too physically close to people to be safe moving about. So I just stay inside all the time.

Where I want to move is much less densely populated, and I know I can take hikes and fish and enjoy the outdoors without being too close to anyone. I can work from there, enjoy the great outdoors and save money without anybody being the wiser. I won’t keep it a secret, but it doesn’t matter where I live as long as I get my work done. Do you think it is smart for me to give up my New York City digs and go on a once-in-a-lifetime adventure? -- Making a Move

DEAR MAKING A MOVE: You are part of a growing group of people who are moving during the age of COVID-19. Many people have moved back home with their parents to save money and be quarantined together. Others have given up expensive homes to save money, and some -- like you -- are using this moment to check an item off their bucket lists. I say go for it! When the dust settles, trust that you will find the right place to live.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is in high school and wants to start taking guitar lessons. I want to give my son the best opportunity to succeed, but the truth is I can’t afford any private lessons right now. I have taken the steps to learn how to read sheet music so that I can teach him and we can learn together. But I’m not sure I can go as far as learning how to play the guitar from YouTube videos. I have tried to get him interested in other things that I can afford, but ever since he was a young boy, I have never seen him this passionate about wanting to start something new. How do I let him down easy and break it to him that the lessons are just out of reach for us right now? -- A Mother Making It Work

DEAR A MOTHER MAKING IT WORK: Your son is in high school, and he is passionate about the guitar. He is the one who should be scouring YouTube videos teaching himself how to read music and play. He is at the age where he needs to begin discovering his independence. Suggest that he do all the research he needs online to learn all that he can. While he may not have a physical guitar, he can learn how to play guitar music from his computer. He can also research online music classes that may be free.

You do not have to feel inadequate because you cannot afford these lessons. Encourage him to get creative and learn as much as he can with the tools available. Because of the challenges that COVID-19 has created for the school system, I don’t know how helpful his school will be right now in music support, but you should ask if they are offering any music programs that he might be able to join.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently I have gotten many solicitations from people offering to give me huge amounts of money if I respond to them. It really is annoying after a while. I’ve been told that they are scammers, but I don’t know how they got to me nor how to get rid of them. Plus, I get random calls from people trying to sell me everything known under the sun, including cheap vacation packages.

It got weird, though, when somebody called saying they were from the Social Security Administration, and I need to give them my Social Security number right away to make sure it was safe. I hung up, but I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do. That person sounded scary. It’s all pretty overwhelming. Can you help? -- Stop Scamming

DEAR STOP SCAMMING: There should be a feature in your email that allows you to identify scammers, report and block them. You also may be able to make your email and other social media platforms private so that you reduce the expanse of people and businesses that can reach you. To reduce scam callers, register your phone with the national Do Not Call list: 888-382-1222. To report potential scams, go to www.usa.gov/stop-scams-frauds to find the right reporting outlet for your problem.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)