DEAR HARRIETTE: How can I balance being independent and self-sufficient and still accept help when I need it? I am used to doing things on my own, by myself, and not really ever asking for help. I am the type of person who most often likes to figure things out at my own pace.

I just sold my house, and I asked my sister to help me pack up and move furniture out of the house. She agreed and was happy to assist. I wasn’t in a rush, but I wanted to get everything done over one weekend because I need to go to work during the week. The whole time we were packing, she was doing everything wrong! I told her how to pack the delicate items and store everything, but she just thought her ideas were better. I explained how I wanted the furniture moved and stored in the garage, but again, she offered up so many other ways. I told her that I have envisioned this move for a while now, and I want to execute this project the way I had it planned, so please follow the plan. It became a huge argument. She made me feel like what I was doing was wrong. I understood her suggestions, but I had a plan I wanted to keep. At that point, I told her if she wasn’t going to help me with what I needed, she could go home and I would do it by myself.

Is it me? Am I unreceptive to help? I hate the idea that I might be controlling, but I just feel like I have a certain order that cannot be improvised or else I lose concentration and become a foggy brain. -- Controlling

DEAR CONTROLLING: Sounds like you want to be in control of your life. The problem is that your sister may not be the best person to help you execute your tightly organized plans. When you have a volunteer family member, it may be best to give a bit and to welcome other ideas -- at least some of them. In the future, you may want to hire helpers who are paid to follow your plans. Start by laying out the plan and checking to make sure all involved are willing to comply.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My car has been through everything with me, but I find myself at a crossroads. Should I continue to fix and put money into a 12-year-old car or give up on my car for a while and use the time to save for a new one? The obstacle is that I cannot be without a car. I need it to get to and from work. There is no bus route to my workplace, and taking an Uber or Lyft gets expensive and will take away from my car fund.

Recently, fixing my car consisted of two different jobs that have cost between $500 and $800, and now a third job that needs to be done will cost within that same range. I could buy a car for about the same cost as these repairs, but I run the risk of needing more repairs. I can’t begin to figure out the best decision. What do you suggest? -- Car Makeover

DEAR CAR MAKEOVER: If you can figure out a way to get to work for a while without your car, go for it. Older vehicles can reach a point of being a financial drain. Can you carpool? Get creative in getting to work so that you can replace your car as soon as possible.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Many of you responded about the mature woman who felt like giving up because she was overweight. This particular letter has details that may inspire those of you who need a little push.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'd like to add to your response to Overweight. She didn't state her age, but lamented it could be too late in life to lose weight. I'd like to challenge that idea. I gained 70 pounds with my pregnancy at 33 and lost only 10 to 15 pounds giving birth and nursing. I'm 5 feet, 2 inches tall and got up to 186 pounds, which I carried for years, well into my 50s. About 15 years ago, I had a bad ankle break that required surgery. In the hospital they tested my A1C and said I was at risk for Type 2 diabetes, which terrified me. I was at least 55 at this point.

While still bedridden, I massively altered my eating, adding more complex carbs (such as a small amount of rice and beans twice a day) and eating four smaller meals per day. I was still getting no exercise, as I couldn't put any weight on that ankle. This was enough to improve my A1C, but at 160 pounds, I was still obese. I kept that weight off for five years or so, but I didn't lose any more. I was overjoyed that I didn't gain it back. If I added a few pounds for a month or more, I would cut the sweets out of my diet until it was gone. I was vigilant.

At this point, I rejoined a gym and got regular exercise back into my life, and after another year or so, I was ready to attack my weight again. Over the next year to 18 months, I lost the rest of the weight, another 30-plus pounds, and I now maintain a weight of 130 to 135 pounds -- in my 60s.

Of course, this story doesn't expose how difficult this was and how important it was to make incremental but sustainable changes. Lots of people find it discouraging to take such a long, slow journey to permanent weight loss. I hadn't expected to be able to lose over 50 pounds, ever, much less to keep it off, but I did.

I can't really say why I was able to succeed when so many others fail. Maybe because I grew up eating home-cooked whole foods and kept that up my entire adult life. I never drink soda, never went on a fad diet, and consume very little alcohol, but I do love ice cream and homemade cakes and pies! If it's in the house, even now, I eat it up quickly. Thankfully, I can control myself in the grocery store, and I give myself monthly treats.

Too, I have generally been more active than most and, over the years, would go to a gym for a year or two and then slack off for a few years. But I've always loved feeling strong and was always a walker. This may have made it easier for me to commit to regular exercise.

But I did lose all this weight after 55, most of it after age 60, after carrying the weight for over 15 years. You can do it. Take it slow. Total denial isn't sustainable. Keep moving your body. Age doesn't have to be the determinant. -- Victorious

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: During the quarantine and shutdown, I closed my small nail salon for 10 weeks. I had all the ups and downs, fears and frustrations people talk about. One huge one was based on the fact that we were told to close for two weeks to flatten the curve, but they only picked certain industries.

So while we small businesses complied 100% in the fervent hope of reopening as soon as possible, the big box stores packed in the customers. The garden centers, grocery chains and hardware stores were completely crowded with no regulations, leading to the 10-week shutdown for the rest of us.

Unfortunately, my frustration bubbled over onto a friend when I called to see how she was faring. We have been friends on and off for years. She lives a few towns away and has a similar small personal services business. She reported that she'd found a loophole and gotten her business deemed essential so she could stay open. She has a face-to-face business where she touches people's bare skin.

As carefully as I could, but through clenched teeth, I asked her how she could justify elevating her services above mammograms and dental exams and such, which were all suspended. I was incensed because I felt she put us all at risk of staying home longer when we all needed to work. I could hear that I highly offended her, and the rest of the call was strained. We haven't spoken since.

I am now sorry, even though I firmly believe what she did was the height of bad ethics. I'm afraid to initiate an apology that could devolve into explanations and make things worse. But I do want to try to apologize. -- Sorry in the South

DEAR SORRY IN THE SOUTH: Call her. Check to see if she is well. Tell her you are sorry that you blew up when you talked a while back. Don’t revisit the reason for your argument. You can maintain your belief about her choice and rekindle your relationship if you both want to do so.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two questions regarding texting etiquette. First, I have relatives who have made the decision not to respond back to texts. One of them told me they are not generally responding to anyone because it is time-consuming. I find it irresponsible and rude. What should I do?

Next question: I have a dear friend who will send a text that consists of 10 questions. "How is Sissy doing? Did you go to church last week? Is your daughter in town? Did you see your son on Friday?" and on and on, all in one text! Can you please give some guidance on how to conduct such a text conversation? -- Navigating the Texting World

DEAR NAVIGATING THE TEXTING WORLD: Texting has become a primary method of communication for many people, yet it can be overwhelming for a variety of reasons. I think that the best way for you to come to a peaceful relationship with texting is to know your own comfort level and those of the people with whom you communicate.

In the first instance, if you have relatives who refuse to text back, stop texting them. It clearly doesn’t work for them. Instead, pick up the phone and call them when you have a need or desire to be in touch. In the other situation, if the barrage of questions is too much, answer what you can and leave the rest for another engagement. You could also tell your friend (not in writing) that it’s hard for you to answer so many questions at a time. Perhaps you should pick up the phone to call that friend when the list of questions is too long to write back.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)