DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend will be visiting from California for a family funeral and asked if I and another friend wanted to get together overnight at a friend's cabin. I agreed, as I have been watching social media and have noticed how they are responding to mask-wearing. I thought maybe the plane ride home would be a high-risk situation for my friends; however, airlines are ensuring people wear masks.

My California friend asked if we could invite another friend. After the friend who owns the cabin said yes, my California friend went ahead and invited our other friend without my input. I love this other friend, but, observing her social media, I don't see her practicing safe social distancing. In addition, she has two kids physically going to high school and sports. I have decided not to attend the overnight gathering with the other three friends due to this. Should I be honest about why I am not going to attend? We have a family member who is gravely ill, so I can cite that as my reason. But I’m upset about how this was handled and not sure what to do next. Thanks for any help. -- Too Many Friends, Not Enough Space

DEAR TOO MANY FRIENDS, NOT ENOUGH SPACE: If your friends ask you why you didn’t join them, tell them. Many people who contract COVID-19 these days do so when they let their guard down around people they are close to -- friends, family and loved ones.

You made a smart decision based on the facts at hand -- including having the ill family member. Remind your friends to stay vigilant and to wear masks even when they are inside the cabin. You don’t have to chastise them for how the invitations went out. But you can encourage them to be as safe as possible.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I loved your answer to Young Voter who is having a difficult time dealing with her emotions amid the discord and chaos of this election environment. She would not be alone even among caring voters 50 or more years older, myself included. Your advising her to become as knowledgeable as possible about each candidate and his or her aims and implications for our country was spot on. It may be difficult to accomplish but not impossible if she listens to both sides and to what other respected people have to say about them. In my 58 years of voting eligibility, I have exercised my right in every national and local election, casting votes only for candidates I have researched as thoroughly as possible. The key going forward as an involved citizen is to remain vigilant to the process.

I’d like to add to your suggestion that YV urge other young people to be sure to vote. Too many times voters do only that; they go to the polls and cast a vote with only the most superficial information. They think that the act itself fulfills their civic duty and that it doesn’t matter for whom they vote. Since they have usually had no substantial instruction throughout their public school years about the history, purpose and workings of our (or any) government, their votes are nothing more than shots in the dark, while counting just as much as an informed vote. I believe YV’s friends should also be encouraged to educate themselves to become mindful, serious citizen voters. That is the only way we can all take honest responsibility for our own sacred, privileged participation in government of and by the people. WE are The People! -- Proud Independent Voter

DEAR PROUD INDEPENDENT VOTER: Amen! This is what I say all the time. Thanks for the reminder.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went through my boyfriend’s phone when he was asleep because I felt like he was acting suspicious. I know my boyfriend, and this day he just wasn’t being himself. He would lean away from me with his phone and kept it out of sight from me as much as he could. He’s never done that before. So when I had a chance, I looked, expecting to see him doing something like buying expensive sneakers he didn’t want me to know about.

To my surprise, I found text messages that he had gone to the gym with one of his exes. I woke him up to confront him, and we argued to the point where I just left. He keeps calling me, but I don’t know what to think or feel. I won’t stand for him lying to me. Should I just leave now? -- Not Standing for It

DEAR NOT STANDING FOR IT: Your approach was extreme. Waking up your boyfriend to confront him about what appeared to be an indiscretion could only end in an argument. If you care about him, talk to him. Find out what’s going on. Let him state his case. Find out what he wants in your relationship. Decide what you want. You can get over an indiscretion if you both decide to work on it. Staying in a standoff will get you nothing. Talk it out and make a decision after that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: There is one thing you did not consider in replying to the woman whose mother has Alzheimer's and inherited all of her grandmother's estate. Relatives were harassing the granddaughter, who is responsible for her mother's financial affairs, to give the money to them instead.

I suspect the grandmother may have left everything to the daughter with Alzheimer's because she knew how expensive her care could become as the disease progresses. My guess is that those vultures will never be happy even if the money is shared with them. If the granddaughter wants to share what is left of the inheritance after her mom is gone (assuming there is anything left to share), she can deal with it then, but the first priority now should be caring for the one to whom it was left. -- Word to the Wise

DEAR WORD TO THE WISE: Thank you and all who chimed in on this conundrum. Families often squabble viciously over the dollars and belongings that loved ones leave behind when they die. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for the woman who is only trying to take care of her mother while staying connected to her family.

You and many others wrote in to warn her about how costly Alzheimer’s care can be, even if you do have good insurance. Further, the life span of a person with Alzheimer’s can be long, meaning resources will be needed over time. Perhaps it was the grandmother’s understanding of her daughter’s potential road ahead that made her leave her estate to her singularly. The granddaughter's job is to take care of her mother and do her best not to be too distraught by the words and actions of other family members.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Thank you for your thoughtful message about 9/11, calling for harmony, peace and justice that is inclusive for all.

It brought strong feelings about that horrific event. I had lived in New Jersey for 30 years and was visiting friends there that week in 2001. The morning of 9/11, I drove down the Garden State Parkway to the home of longtime friends Doris and John, who lived in Middletown near the Jersey shore. I was oblivious to what was happening until I walked into their house and saw on their TV that the Twin Towers were on fire and heard the report that two different planes had crashed into the buildings. Obviously, it was a terror attack on the U.S.

I have just now finished talking on the phone with Doris, now age 96, about that day and our time together with her husband and another longtime friend, Ann, who had come from California to have a weekend together at the shore in Stone Harbor, near the tip of New Jersey. We recalled how stunned we were as we continued to watch the unfolding events in NYC, at the Pentagon and in Shanksville, Pennsylvania, on TV and how eerie it felt when we were in Stone Harbor to look north over the water toward New York and not see any planes in the air. When I flew home from Newark Airport to Tennessee the following Wednesday, there were armed police in the terminal and not many travelers. There were only 16 other passengers on the large jet with me. I was on the left side of the plane, so I got a brief view of downtown Manhattan and what was left of the Twin Towers as we took off from Newark. It was shocking to see the change in the skyline.

As you so aptly put it, the “pain of loss remains alive within us” not only because of all the lives that were lost and the suffering of families and of first responders who did so much to help, but because “the world as we knew it changed.”

Thank you, Harriette, for your Sense & Sensitivity column, which I read every day. You always provide practical advice in response to your readers that shows them how to stand up for themselves and also be respectful of others. Good job! -- Remembrance

DEAR REMEMBRANCE: I appreciate your letter along with others who have shared their memories of 9/11. I want to encourage all of us to think about how we live and what we can do as individuals to make our world a safer place. Sometimes when I talk to people, they feel like it’s not possible for one individual to make a difference. I challenge that notion. I believe that the way that we live our lives and how we treat others, especially during times of stress, can make all the difference in how people feel about each other and humanity.

Call me naive, but I firmly believe that if other people think that we value them and their needs and desires as we also value our own, we can create more unity in the world. I love and treasure our country, and I also value people from other parts of the world. I have traveled a lot and seen the struggles and triumphs that others experience. Seeing the ways in which others live has opened my eyes and helped me recognize how much privilege we enjoy in this country. I’m hoping that we all can open our eyes and see each other in our own country and from afar with greater compassion. Perhaps this is one way we can make our world safer and happier.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)