DEAR HARRIETTE: I went through my boyfriend’s phone when he was asleep because I felt like he was acting suspicious. I know my boyfriend, and this day he just wasn’t being himself. He would lean away from me with his phone and kept it out of sight from me as much as he could. He’s never done that before. So when I had a chance, I looked, expecting to see him doing something like buying expensive sneakers he didn’t want me to know about.

To my surprise, I found text messages that he had gone to the gym with one of his exes. I woke him up to confront him, and we argued to the point where I just left. He keeps calling me, but I don’t know what to think or feel. I won’t stand for him lying to me. Should I just leave now? -- Not Standing for It

DEAR NOT STANDING FOR IT: Your approach was extreme. Waking up your boyfriend to confront him about what appeared to be an indiscretion could only end in an argument. If you care about him, talk to him. Find out what’s going on. Let him state his case. Find out what he wants in your relationship. Decide what you want. You can get over an indiscretion if you both decide to work on it. Staying in a standoff will get you nothing. Talk it out and make a decision after that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: There is one thing you did not consider in replying to the woman whose mother has Alzheimer's and inherited all of her grandmother's estate. Relatives were harassing the granddaughter, who is responsible for her mother's financial affairs, to give the money to them instead.

I suspect the grandmother may have left everything to the daughter with Alzheimer's because she knew how expensive her care could become as the disease progresses. My guess is that those vultures will never be happy even if the money is shared with them. If the granddaughter wants to share what is left of the inheritance after her mom is gone (assuming there is anything left to share), she can deal with it then, but the first priority now should be caring for the one to whom it was left. -- Word to the Wise

DEAR WORD TO THE WISE: Thank you and all who chimed in on this conundrum. Families often squabble viciously over the dollars and belongings that loved ones leave behind when they die. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for the woman who is only trying to take care of her mother while staying connected to her family.

You and many others wrote in to warn her about how costly Alzheimer’s care can be, even if you do have good insurance. Further, the life span of a person with Alzheimer’s can be long, meaning resources will be needed over time. Perhaps it was the grandmother’s understanding of her daughter’s potential road ahead that made her leave her estate to her singularly. The granddaughter's job is to take care of her mother and do her best not to be too distraught by the words and actions of other family members.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Thank you for your thoughtful message about 9/11, calling for harmony, peace and justice that is inclusive for all.

It brought strong feelings about that horrific event. I had lived in New Jersey for 30 years and was visiting friends there that week in 2001. The morning of 9/11, I drove down the Garden State Parkway to the home of longtime friends Doris and John, who lived in Middletown near the Jersey shore. I was oblivious to what was happening until I walked into their house and saw on their TV that the Twin Towers were on fire and heard the report that two different planes had crashed into the buildings. Obviously, it was a terror attack on the U.S.

I have just now finished talking on the phone with Doris, now age 96, about that day and our time together with her husband and another longtime friend, Ann, who had come from California to have a weekend together at the shore in Stone Harbor, near the tip of New Jersey. We recalled how stunned we were as we continued to watch the unfolding events in NYC, at the Pentagon and in Shanksville, Pennsylvania, on TV and how eerie it felt when we were in Stone Harbor to look north over the water toward New York and not see any planes in the air. When I flew home from Newark Airport to Tennessee the following Wednesday, there were armed police in the terminal and not many travelers. There were only 16 other passengers on the large jet with me. I was on the left side of the plane, so I got a brief view of downtown Manhattan and what was left of the Twin Towers as we took off from Newark. It was shocking to see the change in the skyline.

As you so aptly put it, the “pain of loss remains alive within us” not only because of all the lives that were lost and the suffering of families and of first responders who did so much to help, but because “the world as we knew it changed.”

Thank you, Harriette, for your Sense & Sensitivity column, which I read every day. You always provide practical advice in response to your readers that shows them how to stand up for themselves and also be respectful of others. Good job! -- Remembrance

DEAR REMEMBRANCE: I appreciate your letter along with others who have shared their memories of 9/11. I want to encourage all of us to think about how we live and what we can do as individuals to make our world a safer place. Sometimes when I talk to people, they feel like it’s not possible for one individual to make a difference. I challenge that notion. I believe that the way that we live our lives and how we treat others, especially during times of stress, can make all the difference in how people feel about each other and humanity.

Call me naive, but I firmly believe that if other people think that we value them and their needs and desires as we also value our own, we can create more unity in the world. I love and treasure our country, and I also value people from other parts of the world. I have traveled a lot and seen the struggles and triumphs that others experience. Seeing the ways in which others live has opened my eyes and helped me recognize how much privilege we enjoy in this country. I’m hoping that we all can open our eyes and see each other in our own country and from afar with greater compassion. Perhaps this is one way we can make our world safer and happier.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Many of you wrote in about the man who was afraid to get a colonoscopy. I am sharing a few of your comments here. Thank you all for your caring and thoughtful comments.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I read your column today in the Bay Area News Group paper. Thank you for addressing the need for people over 50 to get colon cancer screenings and for your compassionate response.

A family member of mine waited too long to get tested. When that person finally did -- keeping in mind that one or two colon polyps can be of concern and definitely should be removed and tested for cancer -- they discovered a veritable forest of them. This person had to stay in surgery much longer than expected to try to save their life, go back again three months later to remove more, then again six months later, and finally again one year later. It worked ... they're alive today. But it was a very close call.

If people think their insurance doesn't cover the procedure, they need to ask. If the answer is that insurance doesn't, they can ask the doctor if it can be coded differently so their insurance will cover it. Or they can switch to a doctor who will, or change insurance providers so it can be. There are always options. You're right -- people are worth it.

The news of Chadwick Boseman's unexpected passing was devastating. I believe because of tragedies like these, medical professionals are starting to advocate for earlier testing, and insurance companies are starting to listen. Again, thank you for encouraging people to get tested.

DEAR SCARED (The man who originally wrote in): I was similar to you, a single male in my mid-50s. I finally gave in to my doctor and got a colonoscopy (which was fully covered by my insurance -- you or the doctor's office can check this beforehand).

The worst part is the prep ... and it's not all that bad, really! A few uncomfortable times in the bathroom, and drinking some horrible-tasting liquid. The procedure itself is a breeze. A small IV, and you go to sleep and wake up with minimal grogginess.

I was glad I did it, because they found a 4-cm polyp, and I had robotic-assisted surgery two weeks later, in which they removed an 8-inch section of small and large intestine (my appendix would have been gone if it hadn't already been removed 18 years before). Luckily, the biopsy results were great, only pre-cancerous inside the polyp itself. I just had a second colonoscopy (a year later), and everything was good. Please don't put off this procedure. It could save your life. -- Glad I Did It

DEAR HARRIETTE: Your response to “Scared” in your column today was incomplete and misleading. Since he is over 50, he surely should have a colon cancer screening, but you did him a disservice by recommending only one possible option (colonoscopy), which he had already rejected because of fear.

Here are the relevant medical guidelines: www.cdc.gov/cancer/colorectal/basic_info/screening/index.htm

Appropriate options for colon cancer screening include stool FIT tests, sigmoidoscopy and colonoscopy. A strategy using stool FIT tests is simple, sensitive and noninvasive. It would be an excellent option for someone who fears colonoscopy and whose insurance may not cover the substantial cost.

The most effective colon cancer screening is one that actually gets done. Someone who is afraid of colonoscopy should be encouraged to proceed with one of the alternative options rather than be told that they must have a test that they fear. -- Doc

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)