life

Cohabiting Goes Awry Amid Dogs' Constant Fighting

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 26th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I just moved in together about three months ago with each of our dogs. We have brought our dogs together for playdates before, and they were always playful. Since we have moved in, and they are together all the time, they are fighting and terrorizing our household. We have tried to keep them separate, but it's becoming an inconvenient task to make sure they never see or hear each other, which is quite impossible. They bark and go after each other every chance they get. My boyfriend seems to think we have to get rid of one of the dogs, but how do we begin to even make that decision? I know I do not want to give away my dog and I couldn't expect him to either. Where do we go from here? -- Feuding Dogs

DEAR FEUDING DOGS: I recommend that you two invest in a dog trainer who can take your dogs for a period of time and help them to get acclimated to each other. Trainers can often teach dogs how to behave in a way that can be challenging for owners. The trainer can also come to your home and work with the dogs there to see if you can reach peace in the household.

As far as letting one of your dogs go, that is virtually an impossible decision, certainly not one that I can make for you. If you end up believing that your household cannot survive both dogs together, you may need to find homes for both of them and start over again. Obviously, that would require very carefully finding the right home for each, so that they can prosper. Consider that a last resort.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for September 26, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 26th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am an assistant manager at my store, with only two other associates. We do not have a store manager at the moment, so it is just us three. One of my co-workers does not respect my role in our store. While working the floor, he tells people that he's "basically" a manager because he handles things when I am not around. When I am around, he constantly makes the wrong decisions and repeats the same mistakes. When he digs himself into a hole that he cannot fix because he doesn't have proper credentials and his customer is now angry, he has to interrupt my customer and me to mend the relationship with his customer and compensate them for the confusion. This co-worker doesn't listen to my directions when I train or correct him. I am at my limit with this employee. I don't know what actions to take or how to inform my district manager. Any suggestions? -- Fed Up

DEAR FED UP: In your engagement with this employee, take the educational approach. Remind him of how you work with customers. Point out that when he has a problem, he must be discreet when he brings it to you, especially if you are working with another customer. Do your best to teach him even if he doesn't want to learn.

When you do get a new manager, privately mention your concerns. Ask for help in being able to do your job and guide this employee. Approach the situation clearly and matter-of-factly. Be strong in your role as assistant manager and ask your manager to help you with solutions. This shows your desire to cultivate your leadership skills.

If you get resistance from your manager, only then lodge your complaint with the district manager, making it clear that you are looking for guidance and are not trying to be a tattletale.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Upperclassman Considers Changing Majors

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 25th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am entering my junior year in college and am having second thoughts of changing my major. I currently major in physical education to become a gym teacher, but I've become worried that it is too specific and maybe I should focus on children's education in general and major in early childhood education. Switching majors means losing time and credits that I have already done, and I'll need to spend more time and money to get caught up in the new major. I am worried about being set back in school and having to spend more money to make up the different classes I will need. Is it worth it to start over in my junior year, or should I keep working on the degree I am near done with? -- Taking a Step Backward

DEAR TAKING A STEP BACKWARD: Talk to your academic adviser at your college. Do research on opportunities in your two areas of interest. This will help you to make an informed decision.

My gut says that if you are trained in gym and early childhood education you may be setting yourself up for a wealth of opportunities. Our world is changing, and how we educate will be part of that. For a while, gym may be less important because of social distancing requirements, but it will come back.

Our children must be educated. Being on the forefront of teaching our young minds is important. If you can afford the time and resources, you may want to consider a dual major so that you become skilled in both areas.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for September 25, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 25th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I never know how to tell someone no. I know my limits, and when I am overworked, but I want to be the person at work who always puts the best foot forward. I think some don't see me as a hard worker; they see me as someone who will do their work. My parents always taught me that volunteering once in a while will give me a good reputation and hopefully lead to my superiors seeing me as someone they'd think of to give a big project to and, eventually, a promotion. But my reputation has just given my superiors and their assistants the idea that they can drop their problems or difficult tasks to fix on me. There are a number of things coming to me from all directions. How do I backtrack from the side work and say no? Or should I just suck it up and keep on the road I've been heading down? Is this what it takes? -- Piled Up Work

DEAR PILED UP WORK: It is time for you to employ strategy. What do you want for yourself at your job? What role? What responsibilities? Have you talked to your superiors about that? As you so generously offer to help others, you should begin to steer your offers to areas where you can learn and grow -- and show your company your capabilities.

By the way, being able to solve problems and successfully handle difficult tasks is an asset. Just make sure that you let your superiors know that you are capable of doing more. Since you have helped to come up with solutions for other things, encourage them to give you more tasks that are in alignment with your goals.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Girlfriend Becomes Web Model to Pay the Bills

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 24th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have begun to struggle with our bills after unemployment was cut back. My job is still closed, and my boyfriend is unemployed. To bring in extra money, I decided to create a private fan page where I share exclusive photos and videos of myself. My boyfriend knows about it and is not happy. He wants me to stop. I have a huge and still-growing following on my page, and it is bringing in a lot more money. I am finally, for once, getting ahead in my bills and able to get more things done. My boyfriend wants me to shut it down. I do not want to. He is threatening to leave me. Should I close my biggest moneymaker app or let him go? -- Moneymaker

DEAR MONEYMAKER: I understand both sides on this one, and it is tough. While it is not a new concept for women, in particular, to use their bodies to make money, it can be difficult for a partner to be OK with it. There are so many issues attached to this -- from your personal safety to shared values to the bottom line.

You two need to talk through everything. In order to survive this moment, you have to get on the same page as it relates to your values. Talk about what's important to you, what you can handle and what you can't. Talk long-term and short-term. Given that you two are in dire straits right now, perhaps you can create a timeline for how long you will do these postings, so that you can keep your home and put food on the table. Talk about strategies for finding work.

Also, know that if a potential employer discovers what you are doing, it could compromise your ability to get that work. Most jobs have ethical guidelines that they follow, and suggestive and/or sexual content is typically not on the accepted list of activities.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for September 24, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 24th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I lent my car to my sister so she could take one of her friends out to celebrate their birthday. I have one of those older cars that you have to know how to drive it and it works fine. My brakes sometimes need a little more pressure than average. I told her this before giving her my keys. She ended up getting in a fender bender. She's not on my insurance, and I told her I expect her to pay for the damages. She claims that I put her in a dangerous vehicle and that she shouldn't have to pay for the damages because it is my fault that my car is not drivable. I made her aware and she still took the car and now doesn't want to be held responsible. Am in the wrong? Or should she pay for the damages? -- Loose Brakes

LOOSE BRAKES: You are at fault for letting your sister drive a car when she wasn't protected by your insurance, regardless of the state of the car. Your sister is ethically responsible, as she drove the car and is the one who had the accident. Of course she should pay for the damages. It may be hard for you to enforce, though. Ultimately, you have to take care of it, but you should make it clear to your sister that she is responsible. She knows it. Do your best not to let her get away with it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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