DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that an old family friend has come down with prostate cancer. He said he has to have surgery and probably chemotherapy and radiation. He didn't look very good and he was definitely upset when he told me. I learned from his wife that he hadn't gone to the doctor for a long time after he was feeling poorly. She was furious with him. I totally understand how frustrating it sounded, and I am in the same boat in a way. My husband doesn't believe in going to the doctor. He takes herbs and vitamins and exercises a lot, but he is of a certain age and hasn't had a physical in years. Recently, he has had some urinary problems, and I need him to get checked out. I don't want him to wait and then if he does have a problem it's too late to deal with it. How can I get him to get a checkup? -- Go to the Doctor

DEAR GO TO THE DOCTOR: Use the "scared straight" tactic. Tell your husband everything you know about your friend who was just diagnosed, including that he took forever to go see a doctor. Explain that there are many conditions that can be treated successfully if caught early enough. Suggest a complete physical as a way to determine his overall health. If anything needs to be addressed, chances are that one physical will help to figure that out. Offer to set up the appointment and go with him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was in a high-level meeting the other day and made a critical observation of one of the top executives. Turns out that my comment fell flat, in part, because one of the people in the room is very close to the person I criticized. What I said was true, but I fear that it will come back to bite me. How can I smooth things over? I don't want to lie about anything, but I do want to maintain a positive working relationship with the whole team, especially those at the top. -- Foot in Mouth

DEAR FOOT IN MOUTH: If you have any relationship with the executive you criticized, start there. Go directly to that person and admit that you said something that might have ruffled a few feathers. Tell the person what you said and what you meant in the most constructive way possible. At least it won't be a surprise when the other person likely doubles back to report on what you said.

In the future, reserve criticism of executives and others to private meetings. Even then, be constructive. When you have comments that may seem sharp or judgmental, package them in such a way that they have solutions attached to them. When you can see a way out of a potential problem or conflict with a person, frame it that way. It may soften the criticism without losing the impact of your thoughts. `

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a "friend" who watches everything that's going on. I noticed how she was checking me and my husband out all summer. When we would have an argument, she was there, generally being supportive of us, but it was a little weird. She began to anticipate what our issues were and to say things about us, never to criticize us, but it did feel a little creepy because she just seemed to be paying too close of attention to us. We were around each other a lot, because we live in the same area during the summer. I'm not quite sure what to make of her behavior. She is single, but still, why was she checking us out so hard? Should I ask her? -- Crossing the Line

DEAR CROSSING THE LINE: Given that you didn't say anything to this woman in the moment when you noticed her observing you so keenly, my vote is for you to leave it alone. Clearly you two were interesting to her, and she enjoyed observing you. Thank goodness she did not try to stir up arguments or discontent. It sounds like she was solo during your time together, so being able to observe your dynamics fascinated her.

I think you should let it go. If you connect again, that's when you can try to set some ground rules. Pull her to the side and tell her you noticed how much she was watching you and your husband, and you would like to establish a bit of distance this time. It may be awkward at first, but you can reinforce it by stopping her when she begins to state her observations about you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family and I went on a weeklong vacation this summer to the country. We had a great time together just relaxing, mainly. That is, everyone except for me. I resent the fact that I ended up cooking, cleaning, food shopping and otherwise taking care of my husband and teenage children, with very little help from them. I did ask, make rules and otherwise attempt to get them to comply, but for the most part, they blew me off. Like the dishes would get washed a day after the meal was consumed. Or the clothes would pile up in the laundry, and nobody cared to turn on the washing machine. I would end up yelling to get anything done. I hated that. I want my family to know how ungrateful I think they were for taking advantage of me like that -- without sounding whiny. Please help. -- Teamwork

DEAR TEAMWORK: I'm sorry your family took advantage of you. Sounds like they took the notion of vacation to heart without thinking about how their comforts were being maintained. You can have a vacation debrief conversation.

Gather your family. Ask each of them to describe what they loved the most about the vacation and what they liked the least. You do the same. Pick something that made you happy, and then tell them how disappointed you were that they didn't pitch in to help with home maintenance. Point out how this made you more like their servant than mom. Tell them you want things to be more equitable at home and on subsequent vacations.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have gotten into serious arguments with my neighbors and friends about the upcoming election. It has gotten so bad that I wonder if we can survive it. My thing is I am not trying to make you vote the way I plan to vote -- although, of course, I would like that. My thing is I want everybody to register to vote and then to make it their business to vote on Election Day. It seems like such a fundamental thing, and yet there are so many apathetic people out there. I just don't understand it. Here is the one thing that all of us can do to have a personal impact on the future of our country. Why would anyone want to throw that away? My friends say it doesn't matter and their vote isn't going to make a difference anyway. How can I get them to understand that that is not true? -- Right to Vote

DEAR RIGHT TO VOTE: Your friends may not like this, but I would start with a history lesson. The right to vote is a privilege that is not and was not originally guaranteed. It took women and blacks many years to be able to claim the right to vote. Even now, in some areas, minorities are challenged due to gerrymandering, lack of polling stations and staff. It literally took blood, sweat, tears and litigation to earn the right to vote.

Many elections have been decided on the smallest number of votes -- individual votes cast for a candidate. Assure them that their vote counts for president and all of the other offices on the ballot -- roles that directly affect their lives. Ask them if they want to have any meaningful control over the quality of their lives. If so, they should cast their ballot.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I spent time this summer with a group of people who were already friends. Mostly it was fun, but I never quite felt like I belonged, so to speak. I hosted a few gatherings and people came, but then I learned that there were other gatherings that some of them hosted that they didn't invite me to. I think I am being too sensitive, but I did notice that I was never fully included in the fold. I also think I may have tried to dive in too deep with them. I have other friends, but since it was COVID time, I didn't want to add any extra people to the mix. Right now, I'm feeling a little uncomfortable about my place in this group. Should I just let it go? I did have a good summer, and they were nice to me. -- Out of Place

DEAR OUT OF PLACE: This summer was strange for most of us. Because of the pandemic, people were not able to move as freely as in the past. Many people remained completely isolated from others. The good news is that you did get a chance to socialize a bit. Given that you were with new people, it makes sense that you might feel a little less close to them. Further, it could be natural that there would be subsets of gatherings, some of which were not for you. Due to COVID-19 they may have organized smaller gatherings, or the core group may have gotten together on their own.

Don't overthink it. Be grateful for the good times you had and move on. Look for opportunities to connect with your own core friend group -- virtually or in person while social distancing. Evaluate who you want to be around and make that your mission.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)