life

Telecommuter Considers Giving Up Expensive Apartment

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 15th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that my job is not going to go back to being in the office until at least mid-2021. I have been living at home with my parents for months now. While I don’t want to keep living with them, I think I should give up my expensive apartment and find something much more affordable. One of my friends just moved back to her hometown and got a nice, affordable apartment. I’m thinking of doing that. I know that it might be hard getting a new place sometime next year, but I think I would be smart to save some money. Do you think this is a good idea? -- Moving and Saving

DEAR MOVING AND SAVING: You are part of a growing trend right now of people reassessing their living circumstances and finances in the face of the coronavirus. You should assess a few things: 1. Do you think you will be able to keep your job? 2. Will you have to work in the same town as your job whenever the physical office reopens? 3. What is the going rate for apartments in the vicinity of your job? 4. Can you live in a more affordable community and manage the job commute when you have to go back? 5. How long can you and your parents feel comfortable with you staying at home and saving money?

After analyzing those points, strategize on your next steps. A move that isn’t too far from your place of work -- meaning within 1 1/2 hours -- could be a great way to save money and still be viable to continue on the job for the long haul.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for September 15, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 15th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am worried about whether to send my son back to school. The date has been pushed back for when school is supposed to start, and I think that’s a good thing. My son is disappointed because he can’t wait to interact with other teenagers his age. I know how much he wants to be with his peers, but I’m worried about his safety. In other cities when students have gone back to school, the COVID-19 numbers have spiked. What should I do? -- Back to School

DEAR BACK TO SCHOOL: Pay close attention to the plans for your school, especially how they intend to enforce health and safety precautions, and whether they will have access to COVID-19 testing when needed. Be in touch with school leadership directly or through the PTA to find out everything you can about the modes of learning they intend to put in place.

Consider starting off remotely and watching to see how your school’s health weathers over the first semester. To ensure that your child gets to interact with other teens, consider allowing a small group of close friends to gather to do homework -- while wearing masks and distancing.

If you do allow your son to go to school, be vigilant in your discussions with him about following all safety protocols. Remind him that this is for his health as well as the entire family.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Colon Screenings Necessary for Those Over 50

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 14th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: After hearing about "Black Panther" Chadwick Boseman’s untimely death due to colon cancer -- at such a young age -- I’m kind of freaked out. I’m in my 50s, and I have never had a colonoscopy. I was afraid of the test since you have to be anesthetized. Plus, I don’t think my insurance covers it. I’m a pretty healthy guy, so I didn’t think much of it -- until now. If somebody who looks so healthy could succumb to this disease, I think I need to get tested. But part of me is too scared to do it. What if I am sick? I am a single dude. I don’t have the support system to deal with an illness. Maybe I should just leave well enough alone. -- Scared

DEAR SCARED: Don’t let your fear paralyze you. Colon cancer can often be successfully treated if you catch it early. Let Boseman’s untimely death serve as a wake-up call to you to get tested. You should have a complete physical and a colonoscopy to learn the status of your entire body. Please know that your fear is normal, especially after learning of this young man’s passing. But let it motivate you, not stymie you. You are worth it.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for September 14, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 14th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Being quarantined at home with my husband all these months has been tough. I hear other couples talk about how great it is to be with their best friend and how much they have enjoyed each other. That is not the case for me. Don’t get me wrong. Some days have been good, but plenty of others have not. My husband picks at me constantly. Anything I do or say wrong, he immediately pounces on. I always have my back up a little so that if he throws some kind of verbal attack, I won’t be too wounded by what he says. I don’t mean to sound like a drama queen, but it’s hard to have somebody criticize you all day long. What can I do to handle this better? -- Verbal Attacks

DEAR VERBAL ATTACKS: This long stretch of isolation has been difficult for all of us, especially those in abusive relationships. In order to maintain your personal peace of mind and safety, you need to handle this situation differently.

First, think about where you might be able to go if you truly cannot take it anymore. Do you have a friend or family member you can stay with if needed? If not, you can find a shelter that may provide you temporary safety. Check out www.domesticshelters.org.

Before leaving home, consider responding to your husband differently. When he says hurtful things, tell him how his words make you feel. Ask him to speak to you in a kinder way. Or tell him you can’t hear him when he’s yelling or complaining. Tell him you have to leave the room and maybe you two can talk when things aren’t so heated.

Seek out a therapist. Now you can even get one on the phone, though in most states doctors' offices are open. Going outside to a therapist’s visit may be helpful for you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Scatterbrained Boss Won’t Accept Fault

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 12th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am an assistant, and my boss is a mess. He always tries to do everything and multitask; meanwhile, he mixes up details and is forgetful. He hired me to help him keep his business in order, but he makes that difficult for me. He will give me tasks to complete, but if there are any approvals I need, he takes a long time to give them. During our meetings, he does not listen to me and always seems to be doing something else. When I come across some information that he has not informed me of, he tells me he will handle it. Then, when there are things that are wrong or he has forgotten to do something, he tells me that it is my fault and that I am not working hard enough. He is not approachable. He can never admit he is wrong, so I get blamed. My boss’s behavior is our biggest challenge in the workday. What can I do? -- Taken for Granted

DEAR TAKEN FOR GRANTED: Your job, if you choose to remain working for this man, is to create a system that he will consider following to make his life easier. Perhaps you can design a schedule that recommends times when you will handle scheduling questions, approvals, research -- whatever the tasks at hand are. Create a checklist that you both can follow, but you actively check things off and send the list to him daily to show him what has been accomplished.

Set alarms for deadlines so that you can remind him (and yourself) far enough in advance so that nobody is late. Tell him what you are doing so that he can grow to expect it, such as a reminder 10 minutes before a meeting or a project deadline.

Request weekly meetings to review progress. Be organized and succinct so that you have a chance of getting him to pay attention.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for September 12, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 12th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My co-worker doesn’t work. She talks a lot and does not have any boundaries. We both are receptionists at a car dealership, and at least one of us is required to be at the front desk at all times, which is usually me. She walks around the workplace a lot and will stop at other people’s desks to chat. She will go off to use her phone often, and when she’s at the desk, she is not quick to pick up the ringing phones, which means I answer almost every call that comes in. I don’t mind the work at all -- I can actually handle things all on my own, as I always have -- but I don’t find it fair that she gets a free pass to come in and hang out at work. Should I say something to her or bring the matter up to my supervisor, or should I say nothing at all? -- Does It All

DEAR DOES IT ALL: Start with your co-worker. Tell her that you would appreciate her help in answering the phones and doing all of the necessary requirements of the job. Be blunt. Tell her that you have noticed that she often is not at her desk and that she leaves much of the work to you. Ask her to do her part. If she balks, speak to your manager.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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