DEAR HARRIETTE: I am newly married and living in a new home, and I just had a baby. Life is fantastic. I am grateful. My best friend, however, is now the “messy auntie.” She shows up at my house at all hours, never wants to help with the baby but wants to play with him. She eats and drinks all of our food and never cleans up. She has really bought into the whole idea of playing with the baby and returning it to the mommy when it cries. She says she comes to help, but she just creates an inconvenience for me when she tells me to take a break, but my break always gets interrupted.

I love my best friend, but now that I’m a mom, it is like she wants to be my kid, too. She has never been so carefree before. She’s taking control of my new home and family. My husband kicks her out for me, but I do not have the heart to tell her how exhausted she is making me. I do not want to be a bad friend and start ignoring her calls and dodging her, but I don’t know what to say either. -- Messy Auntie

DEAR MESSY AUNTIE: Your job is to put your foot down with your friend and educate her. Chances are, she doesn’t know how to be helpful. You need to tell her how her behavior is negatively impacting you, your family and your life. Tell her you love her and need her to support in specific ways. The clearer you are, the more likely your best friend will fall in line.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am one of 10 grandchildren. Our grandmother passed away last month, and her will left everything to her eldest daughter, my mother. My mother has Alzheimer’s disease, and I have fiduciary duty over her accounts. All of my family -- aunts, uncles and cousins -- have been coming at me to split up my grandmother’s money and give it to everyone since my mom isn’t going to do anything with it.

Since my mother is unable to make a decision as to what to do with the money, I have decided to leave it in an account or invest it into a CD. I announced this news to the family, hoping that everyone would leave me alone, but it made the situation worse. Some have confided their problems to me, while others (with whom I have not had a close relationship before) are being really nice to me, and the rest are threatening to take me to court. They seem to think that I am planning to keep the money for myself after my mother dies. The last thing on my mind is losing my mother.

All I can do is cry. Death and money have divided my family, and all I want to do is run away and never talk to them again -- but that will only confirm their accusations against me and land me in court. Should I just give them the money and let them devour each other over it? I never had a lot of money to begin with, and it doesn’t seem worth it to me now. -- Family Odds

DEAR FAMILY ODDS: Consult with an attorney who specializes in handling wills and family estates. Learn your legal rights and ask for recommendations for how to handle matters as thoughtfully as possible. While you may be under no obligation to share any resources with the family, think about what your mother might have done if she were of sound mind. Sharing something with your family members will go a long way toward family unity.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My roommate borrowed an umbrella from me one day and never returned it. I kept asking for it back, but I was not too concerned because it had not rained, so I did not need to use it.

After a few weeks, she came to me and said she would buy me a new umbrella because she could not find mine. I was bummed because this was a huge, unique umbrella I’d had for years, and it was one of those things I had spent a good amount of money on because I liked it that much. When my birthday came around almost a year later, she gave me a gift bag with a small, compact umbrella that was fairly cheap and said, “Happy birthday! Told you I’d get you one.”

I was speechless. She questioned my dull reaction, and I tried to explain it to her. This was not a gift, this was a debt she owed me. I appreciated the thought, but I was annoyed that she posed it as if she were being generous. My item was worth a lot more, and she did not even bother to ask how much it cost. She told me I was ungrateful and to take or leave it. I did not want to create a bigger situation, so I said thank you and moved on. I know I will never use that umbrella because it’s not like mine. Am I ungrateful? She waited for my birthday to surprise me by paying me back. Do I have any right to feel like she took advantage of the situation? Am I wrong? -- Pay Me Back

DEAR PAY ME BACK: The mistake you made was in not being crystal clear with her when she said she lost your umbrella. You should have told her how upset you were due to its sentimental value -- and the actual value of the umbrella. Ideally, you should have asked her to reimburse you for the dollar value of the umbrella. Letting it go on for a year was not wise.

Let it go. Next time, don’t lend something that you aren't willing to lose, especially umbrellas -- those notoriously never make it back home.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I made a fancy dinner for my husband this weekend, just because I wanted him to smile. Things have been so challenging of late that I wanted to change the pace a bit. When he came home from work, I had lit candles, set the table nicely and had all of his favorite foods right there for him. What did he do? Fuss at me for spending too much money. It was awful. I spent only a little bit extra, but I thought it was important to do something special for him. He hardly ate anything. Now I’m mad. I feel like he is ungrateful. What should I do now? -- Hurt

DEAR HURT: When you calm down, tell your husband your intention was to make him smile. Explain that you know how tough things have been, and all you wanted was for the two of you to have a special evening in the midst of all that’s going on. Tell him you are sorry that your gesture upset him. What you wanted to do was to show your love and appreciation for him.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am pregnant with my first child. My husband is African American, and I am white. We have been having conversations about raising a biracial child. My husband knows the sorts of conversations he plans to have with our child about race, but I want to be a part of the conversation as well. As a white woman, what are important conversations I should have with my biracial child? What challenges will we face, and how can we prepare and support each other as a family? -- Biracial Family

BIRACIAL FAMILY: This is where it is essential for you and your husband to talk. It cannot be just him having conversations with your child. You two chose each other. Now you need to choose together to decide what is important for your children to know -- and why. You probably need some educating yourself. Talk to your husband about his experiences growing up, his concerns for the safety and well-being of the children you bring into the world, and what he plans to talk to them about. Tell him what your thoughts and concerns are as well.

Talk it out today and in an ongoing manner. Though we are in 2020, racial tension and conflict remain at a high point in our country. We all need to be talking about our history, our personal experiences and the fate of our children.

As a white woman, think about what privileges you have enjoyed and what challenges you have faced. Then remember any racially charged experiences you have had since you have been with your husband. Acknowledge them. Talk about them with him. Make a plan for the future -- together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My new neighbor is a nightmare! I usually mind my business and do not judge others on my street. I like to have parties and barbecues, so when others have theirs, I do not mind. But the neighbor who moved in this summer takes parties to a whole other level. The parties can happen on any day of the week. They start before noon and last until sundown. There is music, which is OK, but the amount of profanity is a bit much. Cars fill up their front lawn and up and down our street.

I do not want to be that neighbor who takes action, so I have been raising the issue to other neighbors, hoping that someone else knocks on the door to say something before I have to. I feel evil for this. I do not want to involve police because this is not a crime, but after three months of constant parties, I have become desperate. I never imagined there could be a neighbor like this with no limits. Any other suggestions? -- Not a Narc Neighbor

DEAR NOT A NARC NEIGHBOR: Noise pollution actually is considered a misdemeanor and can be addressed by local law enforcement when needed. Before you get to that point, it would be great if a coalition of neighbors reached out to this person to express your concern that the partying has gotten to be a distraction for the neighborhood. As a group, or with one designee, approach the neighbor to ask if they would be more mindful of their surroundings. Make a grievance list -- or at least a request for what you want from them -- and see if they will willingly comply. If not, call 311.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)