DEAR HARRIETTE: My roommate borrowed an umbrella from me one day and never returned it. I kept asking for it back, but I was not too concerned because it had not rained, so I did not need to use it.

After a few weeks, she came to me and said she would buy me a new umbrella because she could not find mine. I was bummed because this was a huge, unique umbrella I’d had for years, and it was one of those things I had spent a good amount of money on because I liked it that much. When my birthday came around almost a year later, she gave me a gift bag with a small, compact umbrella that was fairly cheap and said, “Happy birthday! Told you I’d get you one.”

I was speechless. She questioned my dull reaction, and I tried to explain it to her. This was not a gift, this was a debt she owed me. I appreciated the thought, but I was annoyed that she posed it as if she were being generous. My item was worth a lot more, and she did not even bother to ask how much it cost. She told me I was ungrateful and to take or leave it. I did not want to create a bigger situation, so I said thank you and moved on. I know I will never use that umbrella because it’s not like mine. Am I ungrateful? She waited for my birthday to surprise me by paying me back. Do I have any right to feel like she took advantage of the situation? Am I wrong? -- Pay Me Back

DEAR PAY ME BACK: The mistake you made was in not being crystal clear with her when she said she lost your umbrella. You should have told her how upset you were due to its sentimental value -- and the actual value of the umbrella. Ideally, you should have asked her to reimburse you for the dollar value of the umbrella. Letting it go on for a year was not wise.

Let it go. Next time, don’t lend something that you aren't willing to lose, especially umbrellas -- those notoriously never make it back home.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I made a fancy dinner for my husband this weekend, just because I wanted him to smile. Things have been so challenging of late that I wanted to change the pace a bit. When he came home from work, I had lit candles, set the table nicely and had all of his favorite foods right there for him. What did he do? Fuss at me for spending too much money. It was awful. I spent only a little bit extra, but I thought it was important to do something special for him. He hardly ate anything. Now I’m mad. I feel like he is ungrateful. What should I do now? -- Hurt

DEAR HURT: When you calm down, tell your husband your intention was to make him smile. Explain that you know how tough things have been, and all you wanted was for the two of you to have a special evening in the midst of all that’s going on. Tell him you are sorry that your gesture upset him. What you wanted to do was to show your love and appreciation for him.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am pregnant with my first child. My husband is African American, and I am white. We have been having conversations about raising a biracial child. My husband knows the sorts of conversations he plans to have with our child about race, but I want to be a part of the conversation as well. As a white woman, what are important conversations I should have with my biracial child? What challenges will we face, and how can we prepare and support each other as a family? -- Biracial Family

BIRACIAL FAMILY: This is where it is essential for you and your husband to talk. It cannot be just him having conversations with your child. You two chose each other. Now you need to choose together to decide what is important for your children to know -- and why. You probably need some educating yourself. Talk to your husband about his experiences growing up, his concerns for the safety and well-being of the children you bring into the world, and what he plans to talk to them about. Tell him what your thoughts and concerns are as well.

Talk it out today and in an ongoing manner. Though we are in 2020, racial tension and conflict remain at a high point in our country. We all need to be talking about our history, our personal experiences and the fate of our children.

As a white woman, think about what privileges you have enjoyed and what challenges you have faced. Then remember any racially charged experiences you have had since you have been with your husband. Acknowledge them. Talk about them with him. Make a plan for the future -- together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My new neighbor is a nightmare! I usually mind my business and do not judge others on my street. I like to have parties and barbecues, so when others have theirs, I do not mind. But the neighbor who moved in this summer takes parties to a whole other level. The parties can happen on any day of the week. They start before noon and last until sundown. There is music, which is OK, but the amount of profanity is a bit much. Cars fill up their front lawn and up and down our street.

I do not want to be that neighbor who takes action, so I have been raising the issue to other neighbors, hoping that someone else knocks on the door to say something before I have to. I feel evil for this. I do not want to involve police because this is not a crime, but after three months of constant parties, I have become desperate. I never imagined there could be a neighbor like this with no limits. Any other suggestions? -- Not a Narc Neighbor

DEAR NOT A NARC NEIGHBOR: Noise pollution actually is considered a misdemeanor and can be addressed by local law enforcement when needed. Before you get to that point, it would be great if a coalition of neighbors reached out to this person to express your concern that the partying has gotten to be a distraction for the neighborhood. As a group, or with one designee, approach the neighbor to ask if they would be more mindful of their surroundings. Make a grievance list -- or at least a request for what you want from them -- and see if they will willingly comply. If not, call 311.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father is a recovering alcoholic; he was six months sober. Last week, I lent him my car to go to work. When he didn’t arrive back home following his shift, I called his phone and learned that he had been in an accident while intoxicated. He broke his arm, and my car was totaled. I am drowning in bills and have a family to take care of. I’m so angry. I am thankful that he is safe, but he needs help and care. I want to support him through his addiction, but I can no longer risk my family situation. I want to check him into a rehabilitation facility to protect him and get him the help he needs. How can I explain this to him without upsetting him? -- Help My Dad

DEAR HELP MY DAD: Your father has to help himself. As much as you love him, you cannot enable him anymore. He will get upset when you recommend that he get help for his addiction. But you should recommend it anyway. Tell him how saddened and compromised you are because of his actions. Of course you are grateful that he is alive, but at what cost? Be frank with him. Tell him that you need him to get help because his addiction is taking over his life and the lives of you and your family.

You should consider going to Al-Anon (alanon.org), an organization that supports the families and loved ones of people who are suffering from alcoholism. Your father’s addiction directly impacts you -- and I’m sure it has for a long time. Perhaps talking to others who are having a similar experience may help you to gain some tools for your own sanity.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a twin sister, and we will be going away to different colleges in a few weeks. This is our first time being separated for more than a few hours. We have always done everything together, and I fear not being around her.

We planned to go to the same school, but she changed her mind and chose a different school at the last minute. I feel a bit of panic every time we speak about school and see her excitement to be somewhere I am not. I feel betrayed. I want to switch schools and go with her, but I do not want her to feel like I am following her or taking away her shine. I am just scared to be without her. Can I follow her to school to be near her, or should I face my fears? -- Twins

DEAR TWINS: Separating from your sister is clearly frightening for you -- and understandably so. Think of this as an opportunity for you to step more fully into yourself. Yes, it may be scary at first, but now is the time to trust that you are a strong and interesting individual who deserves to discover who you are independent of her. At your own school, you will meet new people, cultivate friendships and find your own rhythm. You will never lose your sister, but you will gain new allies if you allow yourself to do so.

You may want to get some mental health counseling in the beginning to help you transition into college life on your own. Your new school should offer that service. Good luck to you. You can do it!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)