DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-husband was the product of an extramarital interracial relationship. Both of his parents -- the ones who raised him -- are white, and he has always denied he was biracial, despite the obvious physical characteristics that say otherwise. We have two beautiful teenage children who have been raised believing they are white.

We recently took ancestry tests, and what I believed to be true has been confirmed: My children have 25% African DNA. Since our divorce 12 years ago, my children have been raised very open-minded, and for this reason, I don't believe they will struggle with this new information, but I'm concerned about the questions they will ask, how much information to give them about their grandmother's choices and how to deal with their father, who I know will be furious when he finds out. Please help! -- White Mom

DEAR WHITE MOM: Your children should know their true identity. Start by sharing with them the results of the DNA test. Tell them what you know and that you suspected their father was biracial, though it was never revealed to you. Make it clear to them that your father's family chose to have him live as a white man, so he will likely be unhappy about this revelation. Families have secrets; that doesn’t make them bad people.

Prepare your teenagers to understand that they may not get all of the answers that they may want. They can ask their father about his roots, but who knows what he will share, especially since he wouldn’t tell you?

If it is true that his mother had an extramarital affair that produced your ex-husband, that is a complicated situation that his mother chose not to address. They may not get the satisfaction that they will desire when they start their research, but it is worth a try to learn more about their heritage.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 77 now. Forty-six years ago, I had the opportunity to have a nose job. To this day, I have NO regrets. My nose had a large hump that lowered my self-esteem. Later, when I found a picture of my grandmother, I realized that, unknowingly, the doctor had configured my new nose to the same pleasant shape. I think this was a “God opportunity" afforded to me. May your reader -- of course after having a doctor check the person's health -- feel the relief and comfort that my nose job has given me. Thanks for allowing me to share my story. -- Nose Job

DEAR NOSE JOB: Your story is an inspiration for many who grapple with the question of whether or not to have elective surgery, especially something that can so dramatically change your appearance. I agree with you that if you make the choice for rhinoplasty, it is best that your new nose have a natural look that is reflective of your family lineage, if at all possible. Then it is easier for you to enjoy your refresh without creating the need for too many questions and unnecessary input.

As you point out, having this type of surgery can mean the world to a patient. You are living proof that it can improve your self-esteem. Thank you for sharing.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am always shopping. Whether it is for myself or someone else, I find myself gathering items in a store that I see fit to have but may not necessarily need at that point in time. I never go to an event or friend’s home empty-handed, and when it comes to birthdays, I believe that it is always polite to give a gift -- even if small -- if I am celebrating with someone. Every time I pay off my credit card, the next week I find the balance is right back where it was the week before. I’ve come to find that I just buy too often! How do I put a cap on what I buy and stop giving out gifts all the time? Any suggestions? -- Shopaholic

DEAR SHOPAHOLIC: Compulsive shopping is considered to be an addiction, much like excessive drinking, gambling or smoking. It is real and hard to control. This doesn’t mean you should give in to it. Just know that your behavior seems to be out of your control, and you should get help to learn how to alter your behavior. Much like Alcoholics Anonymous, there is an organization that may be able to help you; shopaholicsanonymous.org exists for people just like you. In a community of peers, you can talk about your compulsions and discover healthier options for how to spend your time.

Some people make exhaustive lists of what they need to do and how they intend to spend their money. By following their lists, they set themselves up for the possibility of success. Only what is on the list is allowed for them to do, including what they do with their money. This could include a cap on what you spend on gifts. Consider making gifts yourself as well -- including home-cooked food and handmade cards. Get creative.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in my mid-30s, and with the quarantine, I began to search for a way to earn a certificate online to start my own business, but I am not sure what direction to go in. I pretty much know everything about cars, mechanics, design and how to sell, but I can't seem to figure out how to focus my plan. What's the best way to start a business? -- Starting a Business

DEAR STARTING A BUSINESS: Write down everything that interests you and what types of opportunities are available in those areas. Figure out where there is a need. I was told years ago by a successful entrepreneur that if you can identify a need and fill it, you will make money. People want their problems solved. As you consider what specifically you want to do, be sure to identify a way to help resolve problems, and your chances for success will increase exponentially.

Since you know you are interested in cars and the mechanical side of things, figure out what you can do in that space that will differentiate you from others in your area. If you can carve out a specialty that will draw clients to you, you automatically create a unique space for yourself. Just make sure that the need you identify has enough potential customers to be sustainable over time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am half-deaf, and because of it, I have a learning disability. I just started a new job, and the hiring manager is aware of my disability. Now that he is training me, it is clear that he is becoming frustrated as it takes me longer to learn and process new information than the average person. He doesn’t bring up my disability or ask if he is going too fast, but when I ask him to slow down, he tells me that this is the job pace -- I need to be able to keep up or I will not succeed in this job and should consider something else. I am confident that I can do that work; I just need more time to learn and process everything at first. How do I professionally correct him about my disability and defend myself? -- Hear Me Out

DEAR HEAR ME OUT: Have a direct conversation with him. Tell him about your learning process in relation to your disability. Explain that it takes you a little longer to grasp directions, but once you understand, you can perform at full speed. Ask him to have patience with you during these early days. When you do believe that you understand the processes that you are learning, be sure to let him know. Check and see if there is another employee who can be a buddy for you, so that if you need support later, you can turn to that person rather than your hiring manager to get help.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend and I are designing a clothing line together. She is a model I met doing a fashion internship where I was a seamstress. I am a designer at heart; I make all my own clothes and have always had a dream to start my own brand. We decided to go off on our own to meet with investors to kickstart our line and production. She helps me with the business end since she has met a lot of people while modeling. She set up an important virtual meeting with an investor who could change everything for us. While meeting with the investor, she hijacked the interview and changed the brand name and our whole inspiration and idea for the line.

After the meeting, I told her how upset I was that she had changed my vision and not spoken to me about it. She told me that if we are going to use her connections, this company is going to go her way. This is supposed to be a partnership, and I can’t start a clothing line that isn’t me. How do I back out and take my designs? -- Design With Heart

DEAR DESIGN WITH HEART: Unless you have signed a contract with her, you can simply walk away -- with your designs in tow. If you are already legally entangled, get an attorney and hash it out. You may want to work with an attorney anyway to ensure that she doesn’t try to steal your designs. Consider this a wake-up call. You cannot do business with someone you cannot trust. Walk away from her -- now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)