life

Employee Needs Extra Time To Process New Information

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 20th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am half-deaf, and because of it, I have a learning disability. I just started a new job, and the hiring manager is aware of my disability. Now that he is training me, it is clear that he is becoming frustrated as it takes me longer to learn and process new information than the average person. He doesn’t bring up my disability or ask if he is going too fast, but when I ask him to slow down, he tells me that this is the job pace -- I need to be able to keep up or I will not succeed in this job and should consider something else. I am confident that I can do that work; I just need more time to learn and process everything at first. How do I professionally correct him about my disability and defend myself? -- Hear Me Out

DEAR HEAR ME OUT: Have a direct conversation with him. Tell him about your learning process in relation to your disability. Explain that it takes you a little longer to grasp directions, but once you understand, you can perform at full speed. Ask him to have patience with you during these early days. When you do believe that you understand the processes that you are learning, be sure to let him know. Check and see if there is another employee who can be a buddy for you, so that if you need support later, you can turn to that person rather than your hiring manager to get help.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for August 20, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 20th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend and I are designing a clothing line together. She is a model I met doing a fashion internship where I was a seamstress. I am a designer at heart; I make all my own clothes and have always had a dream to start my own brand. We decided to go off on our own to meet with investors to kickstart our line and production. She helps me with the business end since she has met a lot of people while modeling. She set up an important virtual meeting with an investor who could change everything for us. While meeting with the investor, she hijacked the interview and changed the brand name and our whole inspiration and idea for the line.

After the meeting, I told her how upset I was that she had changed my vision and not spoken to me about it. She told me that if we are going to use her connections, this company is going to go her way. This is supposed to be a partnership, and I can’t start a clothing line that isn’t me. How do I back out and take my designs? -- Design With Heart

DEAR DESIGN WITH HEART: Unless you have signed a contract with her, you can simply walk away -- with your designs in tow. If you are already legally entangled, get an attorney and hash it out. You may want to work with an attorney anyway to ensure that she doesn’t try to steal your designs. Consider this a wake-up call. You cannot do business with someone you cannot trust. Walk away from her -- now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Younger Siblings Struggle With Split Custody

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 19th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 28 years old, and my parents recently divorced and live separately. My parents have 50-50 custody of my 12- and 14-year-old brother and sister. I've noticed how unhappy my siblings are, going back and forth between my parents’ houses. They said they can't take the fighting anymore and asked to come and live with me. I am totally fine with that if it means better living conditions for them, but I'm worried about how it will make our parents feel. Should I tell them they can't live with me, or should I talk to my parents? -- Love My Siblings

DEAR LOVE MY SIBLINGS: Before you do anything, talk to your parents. Since your siblings are minors, you cannot just take them anyway. It has to be a coordinated effort. You should let your parents know how unhappy your siblings are and that they have asked to come live with you. Suggest this move as an interim stop on their journey. Since the divorce is fresh and the emotional wounds are still raw, your siblings just want a break from the pain. Ask your parents to consider their feelings. Assure them that you will take good care of them during this traumatic period.

Your parents will need to feel that they will still be connected to the children, or the guilt might get the best of them, Let them know that you will make sure that they see their kids, but that right now they want to be in neutral territory -- and you can provide that for them.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for August 19, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 19th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son just graduated from high school and has decided not to enter college this fall. He wants to get a job and take some time off. He is my only child, and I want him to have the same education I had so he will have more options in life, but he says school is not for him and that he wants to learn from the world. I admire his optimism, but skipping college means missing some of those vital world lessons. Is there anything I can do to change his mind? -- Get a Degree

DEAR GET A DEGREE: Given that college is likely to be remote this coming school year, your son may be making a good decision for himself -- at least in the short term.

Rather than pressuring your son to go to college, talk to him about his future. Find out what he wants to do with his life. What type of job does he want? When he opens up about his plans, ask him to research what his field of interest pays. He should get a clear picture of his earning potential based upon his interests. This is the reality check that may help him to determine what type of education he needs to provide for himself. Sometimes vocational school is a viable option. Know that jobs in tech and I.T. are plentiful these days and can be lucrative. The educational path for those is often shorter than college, so there are many options to consider.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Roommate Juggling Four Virtual Romances

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 18th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend and roommate has been dating a lot lately -- so much that it worries me something else is going on. During quarantine, she has been FaceTiming four different guys consistently and always tells them how she can’t wait to go out on a date with them.

Every time I bring up the four guys and whether she’s going to date them all, she just tells me she’s not sure and she’s just bored. She has always been shy, and I usually have to introduce her to guys. Now she doesn’t seem to care at all. Should I be worried, or is she really just bored and entertaining herself? -- Too Many Men

DEAR TOO MANY MEN: The virtual world has made some people feel less shy, perhaps because the distance can make personal engagement feel less real. Your friend may simply be bored. Under the current circumstances, she is exploring her power by engaging these men from a distance. The danger is that if she is flirting too much and promising things that she has no intention of doing, she could be setting herself up for a potentially complicated letdown.

Encourage her to remember that each of these four suitors is a person who deserves to be treated with respect. She should spend time trying to figure out who she actually likes so that she can gently extricate herself from the others. In the best of worlds, she should naturally end her courtship with the men who are not really of interest to her well before she has to say she doesn’t want to meet them in person. Given that some people are venturing out and meeting up, the time to edit her list is now.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for August 18, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 18th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My elderly mother lives alone in an apartment. During quarantine she took a fall, and it was a while before she was able to crawl to her phone and call me in tears. She was not injured -- more scared than anything. Since then, I have been trying to convince her to move in with me, but she doesn't want to. I don’t want anything else to happen to her, but I don’t feel comfortable with her being in her apartment alone all these months unable to go outside. What can I say or do to convince her that living alone is no longer suitable for her? -- Mom Come Home

DEAR MOM COME HOME: Start with smaller measures. Get her a personal alarm, like Life Alert, that she can push if she is ever in trouble. Activating the device will warn you and potentially the police that she has an emergency. You may want to invest in security cameras inside her home that are motion-activated. In this way, you will be able to monitor her activity and know if she is in trouble. Over time, you will be able to determine whether she needs to move. Take it slowly so that she can get used to the idea.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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