life

Younger Siblings Struggle With Split Custody

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 19th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 28 years old, and my parents recently divorced and live separately. My parents have 50-50 custody of my 12- and 14-year-old brother and sister. I've noticed how unhappy my siblings are, going back and forth between my parents’ houses. They said they can't take the fighting anymore and asked to come and live with me. I am totally fine with that if it means better living conditions for them, but I'm worried about how it will make our parents feel. Should I tell them they can't live with me, or should I talk to my parents? -- Love My Siblings

DEAR LOVE MY SIBLINGS: Before you do anything, talk to your parents. Since your siblings are minors, you cannot just take them anyway. It has to be a coordinated effort. You should let your parents know how unhappy your siblings are and that they have asked to come live with you. Suggest this move as an interim stop on their journey. Since the divorce is fresh and the emotional wounds are still raw, your siblings just want a break from the pain. Ask your parents to consider their feelings. Assure them that you will take good care of them during this traumatic period.

Your parents will need to feel that they will still be connected to the children, or the guilt might get the best of them, Let them know that you will make sure that they see their kids, but that right now they want to be in neutral territory -- and you can provide that for them.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for August 19, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 19th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son just graduated from high school and has decided not to enter college this fall. He wants to get a job and take some time off. He is my only child, and I want him to have the same education I had so he will have more options in life, but he says school is not for him and that he wants to learn from the world. I admire his optimism, but skipping college means missing some of those vital world lessons. Is there anything I can do to change his mind? -- Get a Degree

DEAR GET A DEGREE: Given that college is likely to be remote this coming school year, your son may be making a good decision for himself -- at least in the short term.

Rather than pressuring your son to go to college, talk to him about his future. Find out what he wants to do with his life. What type of job does he want? When he opens up about his plans, ask him to research what his field of interest pays. He should get a clear picture of his earning potential based upon his interests. This is the reality check that may help him to determine what type of education he needs to provide for himself. Sometimes vocational school is a viable option. Know that jobs in tech and I.T. are plentiful these days and can be lucrative. The educational path for those is often shorter than college, so there are many options to consider.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Roommate Juggling Four Virtual Romances

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 18th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend and roommate has been dating a lot lately -- so much that it worries me something else is going on. During quarantine, she has been FaceTiming four different guys consistently and always tells them how she can’t wait to go out on a date with them.

Every time I bring up the four guys and whether she’s going to date them all, she just tells me she’s not sure and she’s just bored. She has always been shy, and I usually have to introduce her to guys. Now she doesn’t seem to care at all. Should I be worried, or is she really just bored and entertaining herself? -- Too Many Men

DEAR TOO MANY MEN: The virtual world has made some people feel less shy, perhaps because the distance can make personal engagement feel less real. Your friend may simply be bored. Under the current circumstances, she is exploring her power by engaging these men from a distance. The danger is that if she is flirting too much and promising things that she has no intention of doing, she could be setting herself up for a potentially complicated letdown.

Encourage her to remember that each of these four suitors is a person who deserves to be treated with respect. She should spend time trying to figure out who she actually likes so that she can gently extricate herself from the others. In the best of worlds, she should naturally end her courtship with the men who are not really of interest to her well before she has to say she doesn’t want to meet them in person. Given that some people are venturing out and meeting up, the time to edit her list is now.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for August 18, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 18th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My elderly mother lives alone in an apartment. During quarantine she took a fall, and it was a while before she was able to crawl to her phone and call me in tears. She was not injured -- more scared than anything. Since then, I have been trying to convince her to move in with me, but she doesn't want to. I don’t want anything else to happen to her, but I don’t feel comfortable with her being in her apartment alone all these months unable to go outside. What can I say or do to convince her that living alone is no longer suitable for her? -- Mom Come Home

DEAR MOM COME HOME: Start with smaller measures. Get her a personal alarm, like Life Alert, that she can push if she is ever in trouble. Activating the device will warn you and potentially the police that she has an emergency. You may want to invest in security cameras inside her home that are motion-activated. In this way, you will be able to monitor her activity and know if she is in trouble. Over time, you will be able to determine whether she needs to move. Take it slowly so that she can get used to the idea.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Pet Owner Regrets Putting Dog To Sleep

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 17th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently had to euthanize my dog. He was about 13 years old -- very old for a dog. When I would get home from work, he laid in the same spot and didn’t move. He stopped eating and was soiling himself. I tried to get him to stand up, but he would nip at me and cry out in pain.

My family and I managed to get him cleaned up and moved into our van to take him to the vet. The vet said he had lost a majority of muscle mass in his legs and recommended putting him to sleep rather than spending thousands of dollars in surgery to try to repair the little muscle left. We decided to put him to sleep, but now all I feel is guilt and regret, like I gave up on him. How do you come to terms with having made a decision for your family pet like this? -- We Miss Him

DEAR WE MISS HIM: Saying goodbye to a family pet can feel like saying goodbye to a family member, especially when the pet has been part of the family for so long. It is natural for you to feel a range of emotions. Because these days there are so many options to keep pets alive, it is understandable that you might think that you should have done more to extend your pet’s life. But the reality is that sometimes you have to let your pet go. Trust that your vet would not have suggested that it was time to euthanize your dog unless he was certain that there were no other viable options.

Now is the time for you to mourn your loss and to be grateful for the time you shared together.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for August 17, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 17th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother and I are super close; he is my best friend. We want to get our own place together 200 miles away from home. We never had arguments or issues growing up. He is not messy, he works hard, he always does what he has to do and I know that I can always count on him. He is just as eager to move as I am.

Now that we are house hunting, it seems that I am doing all the work and he is dragging his feet with applications. I know that he and his girlfriend are discussing whether she will be coming with us, but I have a feeling he’s getting cold feet about moving because of her. I have everything ready to go, and I found the perfect place, but I need to know if he is living with me. Should I wait to see what he plans to do or just decide to find a different place fit for myself and move without him? -- Packed and Ready

DEAR PACKED AND READY: Consider your brother’s behavior to be a blessing in advance. If his level of interest is waning because of the distraction of his girlfriend, you want to know that in advance. Sit down with your brother and have a heart-to-heart discussion. Ask him what he wants to do now. Point out that you need to know if he is committed to sharing an apartment with you. You also want to know if he intends for his girlfriend to move in. If so, she should accept some of the financial responsibility for the apartment. Get crystal-clear about the plan with him. You may need to move on. Let your frank conversation with him guide you to next steps.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Last Word in Astrology for May 19, 2022
  • Last Word in Astrology for May 18, 2022
  • Last Word in Astrology for May 17, 2022
  • Recession Worries Makes LW Fearful of Starting a Family
  • LW Worried Sister's Sharp, Stubborn Personality Will Ruin a Good Thing
  • Husband Plays Buffer with Non-Accepting In-Laws
  • Aiding Animal Refugees
  • Contented Cats
  • Pale Gums: What They Mean
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2022 Andrews McMeel Universal