DEAR HARRIETTE: When I worked at a heavily visited tourist attraction, I had a visitor interaction that ultimately ended with me escorting said visitor to a colleague (whom we will call “Annie”). I am terrible with names, and I didn't regularly work with Annie at the time. As I approached Annie's desk, I realized her name was escaping me. I suddenly thought I recalled her name, so as I dropped off the visitor with Annie, I said "OK, thanks, ‘Jen’ will take care of you from here."

The second it came out of my mouth, I knew it was the wrong name, which is embarrassing on its own, but much worse because I called her the name of another co-worker, and both these women are East Asian. I am white.

Even though I knew the name was wrong, Annie's real name was escaping me so instead of correcting myself, I scurried off with my tail between my legs. Annie did not correct me, but I could see the disappointment in her eyes. It's been at least four years since that incident, and Annie has always been gracious and kind to me in every interaction we have had since then. So kind that I often wonder if she has forgotten this incident -- although that's probably wishful thinking!

I committed a heinous racist microaggression against my fellow human, and I feel guilt and shame for it constantly. I consider myself anti-racist, and this moment was a reality check for me. We no longer work at the same place, but we're still in touch. I have considered, and even drafted, many apologies to her for this incident, but I have never sent the apology because I do not think this type of action deserves forgiveness and do not want to put her in the place of having to tell me that it's OK -- which she is likely to do because she is so kind.

Regardless of whether I deserve forgiveness, I still think she deserves an apology and acknowledgement. Is apologizing the right thing to do here, or will I just be putting her in an uncomfortable position all over again? If a co-worker had ever done something like this to you, would you even want to hear a years-late apology? -- A Real Jerk, Trying To Be Better

DEAR A REAL JERK, TRYING TO BE BETTER: Thank you, first of all, for your thoughtfulness about this incident and your willingness to share it with us. This is exactly the kind of reflection that is needed for us to move forward with greater awareness of how to interact respectfully with one another.

There is no time limit on an apology. But you do need to be clear about what you hope the outcome will be. It should not be to ask for forgiveness. That would be you presenting yourself as a victim in a situation where the other person was actually the victim.

Since you are in touch with this woman, reach out to her and tell her that you want to discuss a sensitive topic with her. Remind her of the incident and how you misidentified her, how you felt about it and that you have never forgotten because you instantly knew it was an egregious error. Apologize for not handling the situation in the moment -- namely, immediately apologizing for calling her the other woman’s name. Tell her that in these times when everyone is evaluating their role in racist behavior, you realize that this was a clear microaggression on your part, and she deserved better from you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: So many of you had ideas for the student who was undecided when it came to determining a major in college and, in turn, a career path that I am printing a few of your letters here. Thank you for such great input.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I thought your answer to “Undeclared” was good, but it would have been helpful to include financial points as well. What do the various career paths pay? What will the required education cost? Will they have to incur debt? Will they be able to pay the debt back and still support themselves on the pay they earn in each option? How many jobs are available in the fields they are considering? These answers will prepare the student to make realistic choices that they are less likely to regret in 10 years.

I would also encourage the student to consider a field with multiple career options rather than one with limited options. I wish career planning software, similar to the sophisticated retirement planning software we used to plan our retirements, were widely available to students. -- Long-Term View

DEAR HARRIETTE: Regarding “Undeclared's” question about choosing a major, I think my mother's advice when I was a student was wise. She said if you're not sure about a major, go with a professor who inspires you. No matter what subject they teach, you'll learn the most from them. -- English Major

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have three kids who went through college. My advice to kids who are not sure of a major is to go the community college route and take as many courses as you can in all the disciplines you are interested in and see which is the one you really like and could make into a career. Community college is cheaper and will let you take any course you want. If the student can maintain decent grades, they can transfer to a four-year college later. -- Community College

DEAR HARRIETTE: Please allow me to expand on your excellent advice to a student seeking a college major. Most universities offer counseling or testing centers that help with this common problem, usually at no charge for enrolled students. Typically, a student completes an online inventory that helps to identify his or her interests; a computer program then lists areas in which graduates with similar interests have been successful. Pursuing these options in more detail often helps a student select an appropriate major.

Alternatively, if the student does not wish to complete the interest inventory, or after narrowing to a few tentatively attractive areas of interest, the student can consult a wonderful reference called the “Dictionary of Occupational Titles” -- a comprehensive reference published by the U.S. Department of Labor that provides details on a wide variety of occupations. It includes the education and training required, job locations, typical duties, salary range, etc.

Please share this information with students who need help as they consider their future goals. -- Retired Professor

DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend of mine owns a painting company. I hired him and his workers to paint my home a new color. I signed a contract like any other customer, but when I asked for the invoice, he said to pay what I am comfortable with. He wouldn’t tell me what he usually charges, and I have never had something like this done before. I don’t want to underpay him, but I don’t want to overpay him either. What is the best way to approach paying him and his workers? -- A Grateful Friend

DEAR A GRATEFUL FRIEND: What an uncomfortable position to be in! Your friend thinks he is doing you a favor by telling you to pay what you can. Unfortunately, this is not as kind as he thinks because it requires you to do work that may not yield accurate results. You need to get your friend to understand how tough this situation is for you.

Thank your friend for being kind in not charging you his normal price. Tell him that since you have never hired a painter before and do not know what it should cost, you have no idea what to pay. Tell him that you will pay him when he is able to give you a price. Point out that his workers did a good job and deserve to be paid right away, but you have no idea what to pay them. Perhaps he can tell you his normal price and then offer you a percentage discount. Sometimes the “friends and family discount” can run from 20% to 50%. You can tell him you have found that out from your research. Perhaps he will be willing to share the regular price while recommending that you pay a discounted fee.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Thank you for the advice that you offered to “On the Edge,” who was concerned about their increased drinking. May I offer one additional piece of information for future reference? Alcoholics Anonymous (or any 12-step program) is NOT for everyone.

An alternative or supplemental resource (for some) is SMART Recovery, which utilizes the concepts of cognitive behavioral therapy to examine, analyze and alter the way in which we think and rationalize our thoughts. It's worth taking a look! I've seen SMART Recovery's meetings and methodologies help many, many people. You can visit SMARTRecovery.org for more information. -- Alternative Support

DEAR ALTERNATIVE SUPPORT: Thank you for sharing information about another program that can help people who are battling addiction. Indeed, there are a number of organizations that are dedicated to supporting people who have found themselves in the throes of addiction. I encourage people to get support however they can, because it is possible to be freed of addiction.

I will point out that traditional therapy is also an option. Many therapists are certified with specialization in treating people with addictions. Do your research to find the right fit for you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)