life

Sweaty Employee Turns Off Computer Camera

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 5th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: It is so hot in my house right now that I can hardly bear it. It is impossible to get on a Zoom call for work and look professional when all I’m doing is sweating all day. I feel bad about this, but it’s true. I have not turned the camera on for a few days. I’m hoping that the heat wave will pass soon, but I’m not sure it will. What do you recommend that I do in this situation? My boss likes to see our faces at these meetings, but I don’t think anybody wants to see me sitting there sweating. -- Overheated

DEAR OVERHEATED: No need to be embarrassed. A heat wave has swept our country. There have been waves of extremely hot days in the past few weeks that have made many thousands of people miserable. Check in privately with your boss and share that you are definitely a team player, but you feel the best way to show up professionally during this uncomfortable period is to be off camera with the exception, if necessary, of turning on your camera when you speak. Hopefully your boss will be understanding. If not, present yourself as comfortably and professionally as possible. Wear light-colored clothing, drink cool water and use a fan if you have one.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for August 05, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 5th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got a random call from a former colleague recently. She said she had been thinking about me and wanted to look me up. That was nice, but also awkward. We were never close. As I recall, we were pretty competitive.

I am suspicious about why she is calling me now. She said she thought of me because of the times. She had made a list of people she cares about and wanted to check in with during COVID-19 when everybody is at home. That sounded sweet, but I am not sure. Should I take her overture at face value? Should I try to strike up a friendship with her? How should I read this out-of-the-blue call? -- COVID Call

DEAR COVID CALL: I subscribe to the idea that, especially now during this elongated period of quarantine, it is smart to make lists of people you care about and to check in with them. I started with my closest circle of family and friends, then created a couple of other circles of people I care about. In part I did this to make sure that people were OK. I also had the thought that as people are sequestered at home, they may appreciate a connection to someone who cares about them.

Consider that your former colleague may have good intentions. Take her overture at face value, and receive her entreaty as an act of kindness and connection. You don’t need to strike up a friendship with her. Just ask her how she’s managing during these times. Have a pleasant conversation, and keep it moving. I believe that some good is emerging out of this extremely difficult time, and that is that some people are appealing to their humanity and looking to make real connections with others.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Woman Sad When Friend Reconnects With His Ex

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 4th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been hoping that this guy I’ve liked for a long time would finally wake up and see that we should be together. We are good friends and he says he loves me, but he has never made a move. Recently he called me all excited to say that he had reconnected with his ex-wife. I’m in shock. They broke up more than 20 years ago, and he used to hate her. Why would he get with her and not give me a chance? I don’t get it. What am I doing wrong? -- Heartbroken

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: It sounds like the man you have been crushing on has not been crushing on you. You live in a different category in his head and heart -- as friend. Maybe even best friend. Clearly not lover or future lover. Stop allowing your hopes to break your heart. He has shown you the type of love that he has to offer, which is platonic, right? That he has rekindled his bond with his ex of 20 years proves that he can look backward and reconsider an old flame -- all the more proof that he does not consider you to be in that category. For your own peace of mind, let go of your fantasy about him. Either accept that you have a loving friendship only, or sever ties if you are unable to let your racing heart calm.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for August 04, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 4th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just got a friend request from my sister’s ex. I never really liked him, but I was kind to him because they were dating. I felt like he was manipulative and unkind to her, even as she went overboard to treat him great. I hated how he upset her and made her doubt herself. Now, several years later, here he comes reaching out to me to connect on social media. I don’t want to communicate with him, but I know my sister would want me to accept him. She still has feelings for him. Should I agree just so that I can keep tabs on what he’s doing? It feels messy to me. -- Accept a Friend Request

DEAR ACCEPT A FRIEND REQUEST: Do not engage with him anymore. You have no reason to reestablish a bond with this man. You are not his ex. You should not be keeping tabs on him. It may feel awkward at first, given that you are not responding to his request, but your sister’s breakup with him was awkward for you, right?

You can literally say and do nothing. Just don’t respond to his overtures. If he writes back or direct messages you and you feel that you must say something, you can DM him back to say something like, “Nice to hear from you. I think it’s best if we do not connect on social. Take care.” In that way, at least you have acknowledged him as you also shut him down. He doesn’t deserve your friendship just because he wants it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Reader Upset When Friends Learn About High Blood Pressure

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 3rd, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have high blood pressure, and I take medication for it. Pretty much nobody in my friend group knows about it because I just don’t think it’s any of their business. I’m a very private person.

The other day when we finally got to meet up in the park -- socially distanced, of course -- I dropped my purse and everything fell out, including my high blood pressure medicine. One of my friends went to help me retrieve everything, and she picked up my meds. She looked at the bottle and asked me why I didn’t tell her I had HBP. I was offended. I don’t have to talk about my medical condition. Even though she knew what the medication was for, I still felt like it was wrong for her to pry. I told her I didn’t want to talk about it. Am I wrong for being so tight-lipped? She is my good friend, but I don’t want anybody in my business. -- Outed

DEAR OUTED: You have the right to your privacy, to be sure. But step back a moment and ask yourself why you are so overly sensitive to your good friend knowing about your condition. Since she knew immediately what the medication was for, chances are, she or someone close to her may be suffering from the disease. Instead of hiding out and dealing with your illness in isolation, consider gaining support by talking about it with a select group of friends, or even just one. You can request confidentiality. Of course, that doesn’t guarantee that she will say nothing, but it certainly should make her more thoughtful about it.

Millions of Americans suffer from high blood pressure. Having support as you work to make smart choices about diet, exercise and lifestyle changes can be helpful as you work to control this disease. For more information on how to manage your HBP, go to mayocl.in/39lRg0v.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for August 03, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 3rd, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am part of a new team at my job, and things are not going very well. There was consolidation recently that resulted in a small group of us being folded into another department. The way my new boss works is totally different from my old boss, and I am having to figure it out for myself because my new boss doesn’t give me any instructions about procedures. I feel like I’m constantly stepping on landmines because I don’t know what this boss expects. How can I smooth things over? I feel like we need to start all over again. -- Restart

DEAR RESTART: Since your new boss did not take the initiative to give you the lay of the land, you need to request it. Ask for guidelines and procedures on how this team operates. Request written materials that outline processes so that you can be in better alignment. Do your best to cultivate a rapport with your boss and with other team members. It’s not the easiest thing to do in this virtual world, but make an effort. Stay engaged as you work to figure out how to find a way of working with this new team.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Last Word in Astrology for June 02, 2023
  • Last Word in Astrology for June 01, 2023
  • Last Word in Astrology for May 31, 2023
  • Daughter Keeps House Too Dark for Mom's Comfort
  • Adult Child Is Asked to Convey Angry Messages Between Divorcing Parents
  • Prankster's Humor Doesn't Impress New Girlfriend
  • My Know-it-All Buddy is Ruining Our Friendship
  • My Fear of Feeling Irrelevant is Real, and Gosh, It Is Painful
  • My Old College Roommate’s Back, Negative Energy and All. Help!
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2023 Andrews McMeel Universal