life

Daughter Loses Motivation in Summer School

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 28th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My high school-aged daughter is taking an accelerated college class this summer. I am excited for her to stimulate her brain and get some good extra credit on her resume. I am also worried that she isn’t applying herself enough. The class operates at a quick pace. She started out gung ho, but her enthusiasm has dwindled. How can I keep her motivated? This class was expensive, but besides that, it is important for her to excel. -- Keeping Her Motivated

DEAR KEEPING HER MOTIVATED: Sit down with your daughter and establish a work schedule with her. Discuss her responsibilities. Have her explain what she is required to do and what the deadlines are. Help her to create a calendar that includes deadlines for each assignment. She should also add in breaks for relaxing. After she commits to the schedule, tell her you will help her to monitor it. Acknowledge that you know this is a lot of work at an intense pace. Encourage her to have confidence in herself that she can get it done. Be her cheerleader AND enforcer. In this way, you can keep her attitude positive even though it is a grind.

Since the academic schedule was off this past semester for all students due to COVID-19, your daughter probably lost her academic rhythm several months ago, which makes this new class that much more challenging to engage in fully. She can do it. Cheer her on.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for July 28, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 28th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been going down memory lane a lot these past few months that we have been at home. I keep remembering all kinds of things that I regret. Decisions that were stupid that I didn’t think through have come back to kick me in the butt now. I can’t believe how short-sighted I was in my youth. Now I am reaping the fruit of my bad actions. The worst of them are about poor money management. I can’t turn back time to fix any of it, and I keep waking up at night regretting how I handled things. How can I get out of this head space? It’s not doing me any favors, but the nightmares keep coming. -- End the Nightmares

DEAR END THE NIGHTMARES: You may not be able to do anything about the past, but you can face the present and map out the future. If your major issue revolves around money, get some help. You can go online and find a money management app that can help you keep track of your spending. Mint is a good app for tracking every dollar. Credit Karma can help you to stay on top of your credit rating. It also makes suggestions for how to raise your credit score. Acorns helps you invest very small amounts of money so that you can build your savings. And there are many more.

You may also want to take an online course about money management, hire a bookkeeper to help you keep track of your resources and potentially engage an investment adviser who can help you look at the future and make a plan to lead you to financial freedom.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Partner Questions Next Steps After Apologizing

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 27th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: What do you do when you hurt the one you love? I recently had a fight with my partner and lashed out at him in a way that deeply hurt his feelings. I feel incredibly guilty, but I know that won’t do anything to help the situation. What can I do now that I’ve acknowledged that I was wrong and said I’m sorry? He is obviously still very upset. How do I approach him during this time, given that we live together and I’d like to do my best to make him feel better? -- Making Up

DEAR MAKING UP: Sometimes things have to run their course. You may need to give your partner his space for a while. He may need time to get past the sting of the argument and all that occurred in the midst of it.

You can call a “family meeting” and tell him again that you regret the way you handled the argument. Commit -- to the best of your ability -- to keeping the content of arguments specifically to the topic at hand rather than piling on or dredging up old stuff, as that only hurts people and doesn’t help to resolve the issue.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for July 27, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 27th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Two of my friends are in an argument, and I don’t know what to do about it. I understand points from either side and have been a listening ear for both of them. However, as things escalate, I am worried that they’ll want me to pick sides, and I don’t want to cause conflict since I’ve been hearing both of them out and agreeing to some extent with each of their concerns in private. I care about both of these people, and I don’t want to lose the friendship of either, even if the two of them don’t want to be friends. How should I approach this situation? -- In the Middle

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: Tell each of them that you want the best for them, but you no longer want to be the sounding board for them in this situation. Explain that you are in an extremely awkward position. You love them both and want to stay friends. Your greatest wish is for them to get past their argument and mend their relationship, but if that doesn’t happen, you do not intend to pick sides. You want to remain friends with both of them.

When you are asked about your opinion about their positions in this argument, reserve the right to abstain from commenting. Tell them that you realize that they have to work this out on their own. You do not want to be caught up in the middle of their drama. Refuse to give your opinion. You may also need to stop talking to them when they start elaborating on their issues. The only way to stay out of it is to extract yourself from the conversation as soon as it begins.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Woman Invites Neighbor to Dog Funeral

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 25th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor’s dog just died. She was very close to it, so close she decided to have a funeral for the dog. Don’t get me wrong, I like dogs, but I feel like this is a bit much. But since we live very close to each other and we can’t really go anywhere, she wants me to come to her backyard and participate in the ceremony. I think this is way over the top, but I do like this woman. She is older and never had any children. I think she considered her dog to be like a child. Should I participate even though I don’t believe in this sort of thing? -- Good Neighbor

DEAR GOOD NEIGHBOR: I do think you should support your neighbor during her time of grief. Clearly, she loved her dog a lot. In these times when folks are feeling extra-tender as they have to be isolated at home, the loss of a pet can be even more devastating than normal. You should go because you care for this woman. Console her from a distance as you would anyone else who has suffered a loss during these times.

Be mindful not to share your skepticism about her having a ceremony for a pet. Just be there as a support. And remember to maintain a responsible distance!

life

Sense & Sensitivity for July 25, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 25th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I had planned an elaborate vacation this summer that has come to a screeching halt. We waited it out as long as we could, but traveling overseas just isn’t in the cards for us. So I took it upon myself to come up with creative ideas for what we can do at home during this time that we set aside for ourselves. I planned a day trip for a hike in a local park. I scouted out an obscure restaurant that never has many guests and booked a private room for a dinner. I found a drive-in theater that was recently set up in our town where we can see new releases. And I’ve got other stuff I have been looking into. When I presented my plan thus far to my boyfriend, he balked. He thought it was stupid and a total waste of time. He said if we can’t do what we planned, he thinks he should just work and make money rather than keeping the days off. He went on and on about how I have been wasting my time. I couldn’t believe it. Here I was trying to resurrect something for us that could be romantic and safe. My feelings are hurt. I don’t want to give up, either. I think we should make the most of the time. What do you think? -- Dead Vacation

DEAR DEAD VACATION: Calm down. Your boyfriend’s initial reaction may have been out of sadness and frustration because you can’t enjoy your dream trip together. It was nice that you began to plan everything on your own, but what may be good now is to go back to him and say that all you want is to enjoy some special time that is devoted to just the two of you. Ask him if he would rethink what you can do together as a couple for that time that you would have been away. Tell him how much you are looking forward to being with him. Perhaps he will reconsider.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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