life

Woman Invites Neighbor to Dog Funeral

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 25th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor’s dog just died. She was very close to it, so close she decided to have a funeral for the dog. Don’t get me wrong, I like dogs, but I feel like this is a bit much. But since we live very close to each other and we can’t really go anywhere, she wants me to come to her backyard and participate in the ceremony. I think this is way over the top, but I do like this woman. She is older and never had any children. I think she considered her dog to be like a child. Should I participate even though I don’t believe in this sort of thing? -- Good Neighbor

DEAR GOOD NEIGHBOR: I do think you should support your neighbor during her time of grief. Clearly, she loved her dog a lot. In these times when folks are feeling extra-tender as they have to be isolated at home, the loss of a pet can be even more devastating than normal. You should go because you care for this woman. Console her from a distance as you would anyone else who has suffered a loss during these times.

Be mindful not to share your skepticism about her having a ceremony for a pet. Just be there as a support. And remember to maintain a responsible distance!

life

Sense & Sensitivity for July 25, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 25th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I had planned an elaborate vacation this summer that has come to a screeching halt. We waited it out as long as we could, but traveling overseas just isn’t in the cards for us. So I took it upon myself to come up with creative ideas for what we can do at home during this time that we set aside for ourselves. I planned a day trip for a hike in a local park. I scouted out an obscure restaurant that never has many guests and booked a private room for a dinner. I found a drive-in theater that was recently set up in our town where we can see new releases. And I’ve got other stuff I have been looking into. When I presented my plan thus far to my boyfriend, he balked. He thought it was stupid and a total waste of time. He said if we can’t do what we planned, he thinks he should just work and make money rather than keeping the days off. He went on and on about how I have been wasting my time. I couldn’t believe it. Here I was trying to resurrect something for us that could be romantic and safe. My feelings are hurt. I don’t want to give up, either. I think we should make the most of the time. What do you think? -- Dead Vacation

DEAR DEAD VACATION: Calm down. Your boyfriend’s initial reaction may have been out of sadness and frustration because you can’t enjoy your dream trip together. It was nice that you began to plan everything on your own, but what may be good now is to go back to him and say that all you want is to enjoy some special time that is devoted to just the two of you. Ask him if he would rethink what you can do together as a couple for that time that you would have been away. Tell him how much you are looking forward to being with him. Perhaps he will reconsider.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Reader in Debt Worries About Creditors

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 24th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I still have crazy debt that I cannot pay because I haven’t worked since March due to the coronavirus. I am scared to call my creditors because I don’t have anything new to say to them. I interview all the time, and I just haven’t found anything yet. What should I say or do now when I can only send pennies to companies that I owe thousands? -- Need To Pay

DEAR NEED TO PAY: Sadly, many people are in this situation, which actually could make it a bit easier for you. As tough as it may feel to get on the phone and talk to your creditors, do it. Call them and share your story. Be honest and clear. If you can pay something, offer that amount -- but not more. The worst thing would be to make a promise you cannot fulfill. Most creditors will be happy to create a payment plan, even if it is over a long period of time. Your proactivity will help you to feel better. You should also ask if there is any chance they will give you a break on the amount you owe since you are being as responsible as you can.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for July 24, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 24th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I don’t have air conditioning, and I’m having a hard time managing videoconferences where I have to be seen all the time. I find myself sweating during the day, including during these calls. I have a fan, but it is loud, so people can hear it when I’m talking. I’m not sure what to do. I want to be professional at my job, but living and working from home is tough for me. When I was at the office, my home's lack of air conditioning was never a professional issue, and it was nobody’s business. How can I handle this? -- No Air

DEAR NO AIR: I feel for you! It’s amazing how many issues come up when working at home, especially because so many meetings call for videoconferencing. As I have said before, I do like it when people show their faces when they are talking, but it doesn’t have to be all the time. Even more, you should definitely keep your fan on. If they hear it and ask what the sound is, say it’s your fan. The end.

You can mute yourself when you aren’t talking to muffle the sound otherwise. I have heard all kinds of sounds during these types of calls, from babies crying to horns honking, workers doing construction within earshot, husbands shouting -- everything. Your fan is just one more sound. Do your best to dress lightly so that you can be as comfortable as possible, and keep that fan blowing!

If you find yourself sweating, turn off the camera and wipe your brow. Drink some cool water and sit back down. Good luck.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Employee Mad When Boss Takes Over During Presentation

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 23rd, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just had a big argument with my boss over what I felt was an injustice done to me during a conference call with a client. I am the one who did all the work on this project, and my boss interrupted me as I was making a presentation and basically took over and acted like it was all his idea. I was infuriated, so I told him as much. We ended up arguing; he claims that every project is his project. He had told me that I was supposed to present.

I feel like I should apologize for blowing up, but I do want to come to an agreement with him for how we present in meetings. I don’t want to be the one to do all the grunt work only to have him take all the credit, especially since he presented something totally different to me about how things were going to be. What should I do? -- Getting on the Same Page

DEAR GETTING ON THE SAME PAGE: You should apologize for blowing up. That’s never helpful in any negotiation or point of clarification. Then ask your boss what his expectations are around presentations. Point out to him what he told you when you first started working together that led to your assumption that you should take the lead in that meeting. Tell him you want to do a good job, and you consider that presenting your work to clients is part of that. Ask him to give you space in meetings to make the key presentation, and he can take over from there. Or conversely, he may want to set you up and let you take over by providing details. Figure it out together.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for July 23, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 23rd, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the highest producer on my team, even now during COVID-19. My boss constantly tells me what a good job I am doing and thanks me for bringing in business. I appreciate that. I feel like he doesn’t cut me a break at other times, though.

I have one downfall: I am not very good with time. I admit that I sometimes show up to staff meetings late. I have even been known to skip a meeting if I am tired or get distracted by something else I am working on. I check in with my boss or co-workers afterwards to get caught up, but recently I have gotten complaints. I realize being late isn’t good, but nobody else is pulling in the big bucks like me. Don’t you think I deserve a pass? -- Wanting a Pass

DEAR WANTING A PASS: In a word, no. You do not get a pass for being late, no matter how effective you are at bringing in business. Think about it. If everybody else has to show up to meetings on time and participate in your office culture in the same way, so should you. A rare exception could be if you had to stay out late with a client or work on a project until the wee hours of the night AND your boss knew you would be late or absent in advance. Otherwise, you still fall under the same rules as the rest of the team. You should show up with a smile on your face, ready to inspire others to step it up rather than resent you, which is probably how they feel right now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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