life

Reader in Debt Worries About Creditors

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 24th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I still have crazy debt that I cannot pay because I haven’t worked since March due to the coronavirus. I am scared to call my creditors because I don’t have anything new to say to them. I interview all the time, and I just haven’t found anything yet. What should I say or do now when I can only send pennies to companies that I owe thousands? -- Need To Pay

DEAR NEED TO PAY: Sadly, many people are in this situation, which actually could make it a bit easier for you. As tough as it may feel to get on the phone and talk to your creditors, do it. Call them and share your story. Be honest and clear. If you can pay something, offer that amount -- but not more. The worst thing would be to make a promise you cannot fulfill. Most creditors will be happy to create a payment plan, even if it is over a long period of time. Your proactivity will help you to feel better. You should also ask if there is any chance they will give you a break on the amount you owe since you are being as responsible as you can.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for July 24, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 24th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I don’t have air conditioning, and I’m having a hard time managing videoconferences where I have to be seen all the time. I find myself sweating during the day, including during these calls. I have a fan, but it is loud, so people can hear it when I’m talking. I’m not sure what to do. I want to be professional at my job, but living and working from home is tough for me. When I was at the office, my home's lack of air conditioning was never a professional issue, and it was nobody’s business. How can I handle this? -- No Air

DEAR NO AIR: I feel for you! It’s amazing how many issues come up when working at home, especially because so many meetings call for videoconferencing. As I have said before, I do like it when people show their faces when they are talking, but it doesn’t have to be all the time. Even more, you should definitely keep your fan on. If they hear it and ask what the sound is, say it’s your fan. The end.

You can mute yourself when you aren’t talking to muffle the sound otherwise. I have heard all kinds of sounds during these types of calls, from babies crying to horns honking, workers doing construction within earshot, husbands shouting -- everything. Your fan is just one more sound. Do your best to dress lightly so that you can be as comfortable as possible, and keep that fan blowing!

If you find yourself sweating, turn off the camera and wipe your brow. Drink some cool water and sit back down. Good luck.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Employee Mad When Boss Takes Over During Presentation

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 23rd, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just had a big argument with my boss over what I felt was an injustice done to me during a conference call with a client. I am the one who did all the work on this project, and my boss interrupted me as I was making a presentation and basically took over and acted like it was all his idea. I was infuriated, so I told him as much. We ended up arguing; he claims that every project is his project. He had told me that I was supposed to present.

I feel like I should apologize for blowing up, but I do want to come to an agreement with him for how we present in meetings. I don’t want to be the one to do all the grunt work only to have him take all the credit, especially since he presented something totally different to me about how things were going to be. What should I do? -- Getting on the Same Page

DEAR GETTING ON THE SAME PAGE: You should apologize for blowing up. That’s never helpful in any negotiation or point of clarification. Then ask your boss what his expectations are around presentations. Point out to him what he told you when you first started working together that led to your assumption that you should take the lead in that meeting. Tell him you want to do a good job, and you consider that presenting your work to clients is part of that. Ask him to give you space in meetings to make the key presentation, and he can take over from there. Or conversely, he may want to set you up and let you take over by providing details. Figure it out together.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for July 23, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 23rd, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the highest producer on my team, even now during COVID-19. My boss constantly tells me what a good job I am doing and thanks me for bringing in business. I appreciate that. I feel like he doesn’t cut me a break at other times, though.

I have one downfall: I am not very good with time. I admit that I sometimes show up to staff meetings late. I have even been known to skip a meeting if I am tired or get distracted by something else I am working on. I check in with my boss or co-workers afterwards to get caught up, but recently I have gotten complaints. I realize being late isn’t good, but nobody else is pulling in the big bucks like me. Don’t you think I deserve a pass? -- Wanting a Pass

DEAR WANTING A PASS: In a word, no. You do not get a pass for being late, no matter how effective you are at bringing in business. Think about it. If everybody else has to show up to meetings on time and participate in your office culture in the same way, so should you. A rare exception could be if you had to stay out late with a client or work on a project until the wee hours of the night AND your boss knew you would be late or absent in advance. Otherwise, you still fall under the same rules as the rest of the team. You should show up with a smile on your face, ready to inspire others to step it up rather than resent you, which is probably how they feel right now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Roommates Worry About Isolating Woman

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 22nd, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am living with someone who was exposed to someone with COVID-19 symptoms. While we are taking the necessary precautions -- giving her food in her room, having her wear a mask in shared spaces and talking to her from 6 feet away with a mask -- how do we ensure we keep her mentally healthy during this time period in which she has to be physically distant from us and spend a lot of time inside her room? We all feel concerned for her as she already struggles with depression, and we can tell she feels guilty for potentially exposing us to the virus. What can we do, while remaining safe, to make her feel better? -- Exposed

DEAR EXPOSED: First things first: You should all be vigilant about keeping your distance, wearing masks and keeping your home clean -- which you are already doing. Don’t give up on your protocols, even for a minute. If you can give her food on paper plates that you then toss out, all the better, so that you don’t have to handle her dishes or utensils.

For her mental health, talk to her on the phone or through video calling so that you can hear and see her even though she is quarantined in her room. Remind her of how much you care for her and that you hope she stays feeling OK. Be upbeat. You should also reach out to her family to ask them to communicate with her as well. If her behavior begins to make you worried, contact her family and her doctor, if you know how to reach him or her, to sound an alarm.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for July 22, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 22nd, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend just came home from a short vacation with his friends, and he told me that while he was away, he hooked up with a girl he didn’t know. I am devastated. We have been together for four years. I was happy for him that he was getting to hang out with his friends. My only worry had been about social distancing, because I knew they would be partying. I never imagined that he would betray me. I love him, but I feel so angry and hurt. I also worry that he could have been exposed to coronavirus -- or worse -- by being with this girl. I don’t know what to do or say to him. Can you help? -- Betrayed

DEAR BETRAYED: For starters, ask him to quarantine himself for 14 days to ensure that he does not have COVID-19. That’s for his safety and yours. During that period, ask him to think about what he wants. Yes, he had a fling. Does that mean your relationship is over, or just that you have some work to do? You need to talk it through and assess together whether you both want the same thing.

You need to be clear about what you want out of this relationship and let him know. Ask yourself if you can forgive him if he says he wants to recommit to you. It will work only if you both choose each other on terms that you both can follow. Sometimes infidelity leads to a deeper bond for couples. Other times, it marks the beginning of the end. You two have to figure out what it means for you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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