life

Roommates Worry About Isolating Woman

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 22nd, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am living with someone who was exposed to someone with COVID-19 symptoms. While we are taking the necessary precautions -- giving her food in her room, having her wear a mask in shared spaces and talking to her from 6 feet away with a mask -- how do we ensure we keep her mentally healthy during this time period in which she has to be physically distant from us and spend a lot of time inside her room? We all feel concerned for her as she already struggles with depression, and we can tell she feels guilty for potentially exposing us to the virus. What can we do, while remaining safe, to make her feel better? -- Exposed

DEAR EXPOSED: First things first: You should all be vigilant about keeping your distance, wearing masks and keeping your home clean -- which you are already doing. Don’t give up on your protocols, even for a minute. If you can give her food on paper plates that you then toss out, all the better, so that you don’t have to handle her dishes or utensils.

For her mental health, talk to her on the phone or through video calling so that you can hear and see her even though she is quarantined in her room. Remind her of how much you care for her and that you hope she stays feeling OK. Be upbeat. You should also reach out to her family to ask them to communicate with her as well. If her behavior begins to make you worried, contact her family and her doctor, if you know how to reach him or her, to sound an alarm.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for July 22, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 22nd, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend just came home from a short vacation with his friends, and he told me that while he was away, he hooked up with a girl he didn’t know. I am devastated. We have been together for four years. I was happy for him that he was getting to hang out with his friends. My only worry had been about social distancing, because I knew they would be partying. I never imagined that he would betray me. I love him, but I feel so angry and hurt. I also worry that he could have been exposed to coronavirus -- or worse -- by being with this girl. I don’t know what to do or say to him. Can you help? -- Betrayed

DEAR BETRAYED: For starters, ask him to quarantine himself for 14 days to ensure that he does not have COVID-19. That’s for his safety and yours. During that period, ask him to think about what he wants. Yes, he had a fling. Does that mean your relationship is over, or just that you have some work to do? You need to talk it through and assess together whether you both want the same thing.

You need to be clear about what you want out of this relationship and let him know. Ask yourself if you can forgive him if he says he wants to recommit to you. It will work only if you both choose each other on terms that you both can follow. Sometimes infidelity leads to a deeper bond for couples. Other times, it marks the beginning of the end. You two have to figure out what it means for you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Recent Stress Causes Reader To Turn to Alcohol

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 21st, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently my stress levels have gone up because of the coronavirus, especially the threat of potentially losing my job if another wave hits. I thought I was in the clear after things seemed to start stabilizing, but the company I work for may not be doing well, and I don’t know what will happen if another wave hits. I have noticed myself turning to drinking more often than I’d like to admit in order to cope with this stress. I don’t think I am an alcoholic, but I recognize that this behavior could potentially lead to dangerous outcomes. It is challenging because the people who usually support me during hard times are harder to see now, so sometimes it feels like the only option. What steps should I take to address this issue? -- On the Edge

DEAR ON THE EDGE: Take a deep breath and pause. These are stressful times, and it can be extremely difficult to know where to turn when so much is out of your control. You are not alone in turning to alcohol during this period. Thank goodness you realize that this is not a wise choice.

Whether or not you are an alcoholic can be determined at a later time, but since you realize that you have been drinking too much, I want to encourage you to get support. Since your go-to people are not around, you need other people to serve in that role. The Alcoholics Anonymous program can help you remotely during this time. What is amazing about them is that they do not require you to call yourself an alcoholic to attend their meetings. You simply need to have a desire to stop drinking. I recommend that you go to their website, aa.org, and find an online meeting to attend. You can talk about your issues in a safe and confidential space.

Beyond that, talk to your boss to get an honest assessment of where your company is headed. Ask if they think the business will survive and if your job is at stake. Also, start looking for job options that may fit your skills at a company that may be more stable. Be proactive. Good luck.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for July 21, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 21st, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been looking for an assistant, and it has been difficult. Even during this pandemic, I find that many young people do not have a good work ethic. I have hired several college graduates and one student. In all cases, they were lazy and uncommitted. I am baffled. Why wouldn’t they step it up more? What can I do to make it clear what I expect? -- Need Help

DEAR NEED HELP: Write out a crystal-clear job description that spells out the qualities you expect in your employees. The list should include things like attention to detail; strong communication skills; a positive, professional attitude; and anything else specific to your work. Ask for references, and when you call them, ask questions about how they work and what their past challenges have been in the workplace. Then offer a probationary period in which the employee must fulfill your requirements, or the job will not continue.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

College Student Unsure About Major

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 20th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: How do I choose my major in college? I have several interests, but I don’t know which major to choose. I am studying classics right now; I was introduced to it because a lot of my family members study it. I enjoy it very much -- most of the time. However, I’m wondering if I should branch out and experiment before committing to it as a major. What should I do? -- Undeclared

DEAR UNDECLARED: Think about what you would like to do for your work after you finish school. Consider job options as broadly as your interests take you. Spend some time researching areas that interest you and what jobs exist in those fields. If you have interests in more than one area, take classes in those other fields to get your feet wet and learn. At most higher educational institutions, you must declare a major by your sophomore year. When you get there, do your best to make a choice that represents YOUR interests, not those of your family. This may be one of your first independent decisions. Consider it carefully. Talk to your adviser for additional support.

If you truly remain unsure, you may just have to pick something. For example, I always knew I wanted to be a writer, but there was no “writing” major at my college. When it came time to declare, I chose English because seemed to be the best match. It turned out to work perfectly for me. For other students, it has meant that they have needed to change their majors after a semester or so when it became clear that the subject they chose was not a fit. You do have the option to change if necessary.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for July 20, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 20th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think that my mom’s boyfriend may be unfaithful. I accidentally stumbled upon a love letter written by another woman in his pocket while doing laundry. This piqued my suspicion, so I looked through his phone and saw that he had multiple calls to a woman I haven’t heard him talk about. Obviously, this is not a sure sign that he is cheating, but it does raise some serious questions. Now that I’ve seen these red flags, it’s going to be hard for me to drop this. How should I approach this situation? -- Cheater

DEAR CHEATER: This is tricky, as you are venturing into your mother’s personal business. Since you innocently found the letter, you may consider telling her you have something to share with her that you know is none of your business, but you thought she may want to know. Give her the letter, and tell her how you came upon it. Admit to everything that you did, including going through his phone and seeing someone’s number show up repeatedly.

Apologize for going through her boyfriend’s phone. Do not add any personal commentary or thoughts about what may or may not be going on. Just give her the letter and let her decide what, if anything, she will do about it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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