life

College Student Unsure About Major

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 20th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: How do I choose my major in college? I have several interests, but I don’t know which major to choose. I am studying classics right now; I was introduced to it because a lot of my family members study it. I enjoy it very much -- most of the time. However, I’m wondering if I should branch out and experiment before committing to it as a major. What should I do? -- Undeclared

DEAR UNDECLARED: Think about what you would like to do for your work after you finish school. Consider job options as broadly as your interests take you. Spend some time researching areas that interest you and what jobs exist in those fields. If you have interests in more than one area, take classes in those other fields to get your feet wet and learn. At most higher educational institutions, you must declare a major by your sophomore year. When you get there, do your best to make a choice that represents YOUR interests, not those of your family. This may be one of your first independent decisions. Consider it carefully. Talk to your adviser for additional support.

If you truly remain unsure, you may just have to pick something. For example, I always knew I wanted to be a writer, but there was no “writing” major at my college. When it came time to declare, I chose English because seemed to be the best match. It turned out to work perfectly for me. For other students, it has meant that they have needed to change their majors after a semester or so when it became clear that the subject they chose was not a fit. You do have the option to change if necessary.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for July 20, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 20th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think that my mom’s boyfriend may be unfaithful. I accidentally stumbled upon a love letter written by another woman in his pocket while doing laundry. This piqued my suspicion, so I looked through his phone and saw that he had multiple calls to a woman I haven’t heard him talk about. Obviously, this is not a sure sign that he is cheating, but it does raise some serious questions. Now that I’ve seen these red flags, it’s going to be hard for me to drop this. How should I approach this situation? -- Cheater

DEAR CHEATER: This is tricky, as you are venturing into your mother’s personal business. Since you innocently found the letter, you may consider telling her you have something to share with her that you know is none of your business, but you thought she may want to know. Give her the letter, and tell her how you came upon it. Admit to everything that you did, including going through his phone and seeing someone’s number show up repeatedly.

Apologize for going through her boyfriend’s phone. Do not add any personal commentary or thoughts about what may or may not be going on. Just give her the letter and let her decide what, if anything, she will do about it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Gaining Weight in Quarantine Can Be Health Issue

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 18th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just had a telehealth call with my primary care physician, and he grilled me about how I have been taking care of myself during this period of quarantine. I didn’t want to admit that I have gained 10 to 15 pounds. I am embarrassed that I haven’t been more disciplined. I was already supposed to be losing weight, but instead I gained. He cautioned me that I have to lose weight because obesity is one of the factors that can make one more susceptible to complications from COVID-19. I know he’s right, but I didn’t appreciate hearing that from him. It’s almost time to go back out into the world. Now he has me scared all over again about getting sick and dying. It’s not like I can reverse this weight gain with a blink. What should I do? -- Target

DEAR TARGET: Your doctor was right to caution you about your health during this time. Sadly, the risk of getting ill has not yet passed. You should be extremely cautious based on what the medical community recommends.

That doesn’t mean you have to stop in your tracks, though. What you need to do is move your body. The easiest thing you can do is walk for 45 minutes to an hour each day. Put on a face covering, grab a bottle of water and walk in your neighborhood. If you are up for it, you can turn on an exercise video and do an at-home workout.

Beyond that, it’s time to change your diet. Cut out the sugar and fat. Choose to eat lean meats and plenty of vegetables. Drink lots of water and fewer (or no) sweet drinks, including alcohol. Track your weight. You can come down significantly if you are vigilant about what you eat and how you move.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for July 18, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 18th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom has planned a lovely baby shower for me in a couple of weeks. Now she is worried that it may not be safe enough for people to come to our home. The plan was for people to be in the backyard as socially distant as they can be, but since there is a surge happening, she is worried that she may expose me and the baby to the virus inadvertently. She wants to change it to a drive-by party where people honk horns and drop off gifts. That makes me sad. We have been holed up for so long, and I want to be with people. What do you think? -- Baby Shower

DEAR BABY SHOWER: Your mother is right to be overly cautious. Medical professionals do not know yet what the status of the virus’s spread will be in the coming weeks. We do know that there is a surge happening in many parts of the country. You may want to host a hybrid event. Invite most guests to participate in the outdoor drive-by so that you get to see your loved ones and they can see you and your blossoming belly.

Later, you can host a much smaller barbecue -- still outdoors -- where you can practice social distancing. You will need to stay at least 6 feet away from everyone at all times. But in this way, you can talk to guests and interact with them a bit more. Everyone should wear facial coverings except when they are eating or drinking, and plentiful hand sanitizer should be made available.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Employee Doing Extra Tasks Without Being Paid

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 17th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am doing things at work that are not part of my job description, and I’m not getting paid for them. I’m well respected at my job, which is why people trust me with these tasks, and while I don’t mind doing favors once in a while, I’m not getting paid for these favors. It’s becoming a pattern. I work for a small business, and I’m very close to everyone. There’s a sense of loyalty among all of the co-workers. How should I approach this situation without burning bridges or causing conflict? Should I ask to get paid, or should I just stop doing the tasks entirely? -- Drawing the Line

DEAR DRAWING THE LINE: On one hand, especially in small offices, people tend to pitch in and handle functions that need to be addressed simply because there is a need. On the other hand, these duties should either be shared by office mates or assigned to a particular person as a job responsibility.

This is a tricky situation. I recommend that you observe and evaluate it carefully. Make sure you are not being too sensitive. Are these extra duties so far beyond your scope of work that they should be handled by another? Or should your job responsibilities expand to include these tasks? Do you believe you deserve additional compensation to do them? Or are they distracting you from completing your job? Does anyone else have random additional job functions to fulfill?

After your evaluation, speak to your supervisor. Explain that you are a team player, but you feel uncomfortable having to take on these functions that are outside your scope of work. Point out that only you are being asked to do these things -- if that is true. What seems fair is for extra tasks to be evenly divided if there is no set person to handle them. Just know that pitching in is considered an asset at a job, as long as it isn’t abused by your employer.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for July 17, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 17th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a 38-year-old woman, and I think one of my friends may be in an abusive marriage. I noticed these patterns in the last couple of months when I would sometimes see bruises on her after they had big conflicts. He has always been controlling of what she does and where she goes, but it has started to get even worse. She always seemed to put up with his controlling behavior, though I occasionally pointed out that it was a bit much. I am particularly worried now that they are in quarantine together and I am not able to see her as often. I try to call her, but it’s hard to communicate with her while he’s in the house. How can I help my friend? -- Friend in Need

DEAR FRIEND IN NEED: Next time you talk to your friend, suggest that if she is ever in need of rescue, she can use a keyword that sounds natural as an indicator to you that she is asking for help. She can call you, text you or otherwise reach out to you and say that word -- like “pineapple” or “dance class,” anything that would not be a natural trigger for her husband but that would indicate to you that you should come pick her up or call the police to rescue her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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