DEAR HARRIETTE: I broke up with my boyfriend about six months ago, but he still lives in my apartment. I know it sounds crazy, but I needed a roommate to split the rent with me; when we broke up, it just seemed easier for him to stay -- at least for a while.

Last weekend, while I was sitting in the courtyard of my building enjoying a socially distanced gathering with my neighbors, I saw him approach our building with another woman. It freaked me out. This isn’t the first time he has brought a woman to the apartment; he’s even had a few of them spend the night. I realize that we aren’t a couple anymore, but I think it is so disrespectful for him to do that. I don’t know what to do. This is my apartment that I own. I suppose I should ask him to leave, but I do need the financial help. What should I do? -- Mad at Ex

DEAR MAD AT EX: I’m so sorry you had to experience that. Even though you and your ex are no longer a couple, clearly you have lingering feelings -- either for him, or at least for the memory of what you had. I am curious as to why you decided he could stay with you after the breakup. You speak of the money, and that’s understandable on a certain level. But you must know that you can get another roommate.

Consider the deeper issue: You may not be ready to let this man go. You have to face that and come to terms with what you want and deserve. Invite him to find a new place to live, give him a deadline for moving out and look for a new roommate so that you can make a smooth transition.

If you are not ready to do that, establish rules. Since it is your house, request that he not bring guests to your home. He won’t like that, and it may prompt him to move on his own. Tell him that it hurts your feelings when he brings his dates to your home. Admit that you thought it would work for him to remain your roommate, but you realize that it just won’t.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is losing her memory, and it is so scary. We have had her checked out by a doctor who said she doesn’t have dementia or Alzheimer’s disease. That’s good, but it doesn’t change the fact that she forgets everything. I talk to her on the phone, and five minutes later she may not remember what we talked about. What’s worse is that she is living in a nursing home, so we still cannot go to visit her. Ever since COVID-19 started, she has deteriorated so much. I am worried about her. Being alone with nothing to do is terrible for her. But her doctor does not think that we can take her out of the facility because we don’t have the skills to care for her. -- Save Mom

DEAR SAVE MOM: Many doctors are encouraging family members to keep their elderly loved ones safe by keeping them in these facilities. Some nursing homes are offering drive-by visitation with family members so they can at least see each other. Do that if you can. Weekly interaction may spark your mother’s hopefulness. Call her regularly. Use FaceTime or some other videoconferencing feature if you can. Many facilities are helping by providing this service. Ask her to tell you stories that may jog her memory. Stay in close touch as you wait for the day when visitation opens up.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Happy Independence Day! This is the day so many years ago when our country proclaimed its freedom. For many, it was a happy day. For some, freedom remained elusive. Today, in 2020, our country is grappling with this notion of independence and what it actually means for all citizens. The contemplation is worthwhile even if it can be difficult.

At times like these, I think of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. He said: “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” He added, “No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream.”

Isn’t that precisely what we have been witnessing in these past few weeks?

A change began with the sheltering in place that the threat of the insidious disease of COVID-19 brought to our shores, homes and families. For three months, we have had to be still, to take refuge in our homes and in each other. During the stillness of the quarantine, I have spoken to many people who have said that this has been a time for deep reflection and soul searching. These questions -- "What is important to me?" and "What do I truly value?" -- have resonated in many hearts.

And then, just as the quarantine began to be lifted, the deep scar of racism once again showed its ugly head. But this time, people from coast to coast and the world over stood up and said, “Enough is enough.” The outcry for human decency is the shot that rang around the world this time. The call for the end to racial injustice and the senseless profiling and killing specifically of black people has punctured the hearts and minds of most, if not all of us.

As Dr. King said, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” This time, "everywhere" is literally a global experience. So, what are marchers seeking? What are corporations, educational institutions, community centers and families hoping to accomplish as they look with greater scrutiny at the way we treat each other? If you listen closely, you will hear that they are rethinking their policies, evaluating the ways in which they engage their employees and customers, reconsidering curricula to be more inclusive, and refreshing their human resources policies. I believe that at the core of these discussions is common decency and respect for humanity. Simple yet profound. I believe that this notion of independence that our country was built upon is the promise of respect for all at the very depth of our being.

Yes, it pulses in the streets and boardrooms right now as “Black Lives Matter.” That makes some people uncomfortable. But the reason it is a rallying cry is because black lives have been considered expendable since the founding of our country. That needs to end. The new vision that can guide us into the future is one where everyone is valued. Everyone is considered worthy of enjoying life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. To get there is going to require an unmasking of inaccurate beliefs and deeply ingrained false narratives, as well as an openness to truly seeing each other for who we are.

Justice is rolling down like waters, as Dr. King said. It’s time to learn how to ride the waves into a space of freedom for all.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Clearly, I hit a nerve with the discussion about videoconferencing from home and whether you should turn your camera on. Because so many of you continue to write in about this, I have chosen two more letters to share with you. Working from home and navigating professional engagements without the supports and rhythms that we had only a few months ago has changed the dynamic of our lives dramatically. We are all working to figure it out. Here are some of your ideas on this hot-button topic.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I agree with so much of what Reality Check said but also with Professional Coach regarding women showing their faces on video conferencing. I am a woman who is currently not in the workforce. I care for our 4-year-old full-time. However, my husband, now working from home, is a full partner in this. I’m sick some days, and I can’t just take my child to drop-in care (in the current coronavirus climate) while I get rest. So my husband needs to do the care. And he does.

He has reminded his work team that everyone has a life that intersects with work, especially now, and he lives by that. My kid has interrupted, been half-naked, and thrown fits on client and co-worker calls my husband has taken. He never flinches. It’s not ideal, but it’s life. And I hope that being a woman, I would behave in the same unflinching way. Caring for children while in view of paying clients or everyday co-workers doesn’t demean anyone. It humanizes us. Maybe recognition of this fact can be a positive that comes from our forced working-from-home situation. One can only hope. -- Just a Normal Family

DEAR JUST A NORMAL FAMILY: Perhaps the fact that people who are part of our working lives periodically get glimpses of the juggle of our home lives may help us sensitize each other to the whole of our lives.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m disappointed you’ve come down so definitively on the side of people who think participants in virtual meetings should willingly show their faces. In my experience working from home, most of these “virtual meetings” are really just conference calls with cameras. No visual aids are being shared. We talked on the phone for over a hundred years without being able to see one another and it worked fine, so why do we now suddenly need to show our faces?

I don’t need to see my co-worker's basement office, their laundry room or their dog licking itself in the background. Being off-camera lets me discreetly tend to other work while I listen to the conversation, whereas having the camera on obligates me to sit and stare attentively at a little dot so I appear engaged. Seen only from the shoulders up, this is a type of “performance” that negates nuances of body language and expression anyway. It doesn’t replicate the feel of a face-to-face meeting, and we shouldn’t pretend that it does. -- Camera Skeptic

DEAR CAMERA SKEPTIC: I agree with you, to a point. I do not believe the camera has to be on at every moment through your calls, especially if it is not common practice for your company. I do believe, however, that seeing your face when you are speaking to people adds a bit of dynamism and gravitas that can prove helpful, especially when person-to-person engagement may not return any time in the near future. By the way, videoconferencing is not new; it’s just expanded. Many businesses conference in remote participants all the time and have done so for years -- via phone and projected image.

My recommendations are not meant to create more pressure on anyone. I do believe, however, that seeing each other’s faces occasionally on videoconferencing calls can give you a leg up in terms of people remembering you in relation to the ideas you present and as an active team member.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)