DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I am ready to get married and have kids, but I’m only 19. I am still in college, but I think that is what I’d rather be doing. Most of my family members started their families very young, and I feel like it’s the right thing to do. I know I am young and that’s very discouraged nowadays, and I also know that these are important years for growth and self-discovery. Should I go with my heart and try and start a family after graduation, or should I wait? -- Ready for Marriage

DEAR READY FOR MARRIAGE: It’s good to be clear about your intentions for your life. It’s also wise to consider your circumstances and evaluate the timing of your next steps. If your soul is telling you that you want to make a family now, go a step further and imagine what that looks like. Do you have a partner now? If not, what are the qualities that you want in a spouse? Make a list. Attracting the right person for the life you want to build is important. Your list will help you notice people who fit the profile of someone with shared values and interests.

Since you are still in college, can you focus on completing your studies and mapping out what your work life may become? Most people have to work whether they are single or not. It is smart for you to plot a course for how you can support yourself. If you do marry soon, this plan will also have you poised to help support your family.

There’s nothing wrong with getting married and starting a family when you are young. Set yourself up for success by taking the time to envision your future and doing all you can to enable yourself to make it happen.

DEAR HARRIETTE: How do I set boundaries with my dad who wants to reconnect with me? I am 20 years old, and my mom and dad divorced when I was 2. I was raised by my mom, who told me he was really abusive to her. My mother has been controlling and abusive throughout my life, so I don’t know whether or not to trust my dad because I’ve only heard my mom’s perspective. How do I figure out how much to trust him, and whether I should work to reintroduce him into my life in a healthy way? -- Rediscovering Dad

DEAR REDISCOVERING DAD: Take some time to talk to your dad so you can figure out if his intentions are genuine and whether he’s reformed since your parents' divorce. Eighteen years is a lot of time for someone to grow, so cautiously give him a chance, but set boundaries on the amount of time you talk so that it doesn’t end up taking up too much of your life. In this way, you have a set amount of time and space in which you can get to know him and learn whether or not you see the relationship as something you would like to continue.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a Russian immigrant who came to the U.S. seven years ago as a refugee when I was 16. As I've entered my 20s, I have begun to become more politically engaged. However, I have always had trouble wrapping my head around American race relations, as they are so different from those of my home country. As the current escalations on the issue of police brutality around the country happen, I want to engage in activism and important conversations, but I have no idea where to start or what my opinions are. Especially as a white person who did not grow up in America, how do I inform myself and engage with a discourse that is not as personal to me? -- Educate Me

DEAR EDUCATE ME: Thank you for your letter and your sincere interest in expanding your understanding about a complicated and deeply rooted topic in American history. What's happening today is historic in the sense that everyone is affected, and many people of all backgrounds are leaning in to learn and address the challenges that face us. Thanks to the marches in the streets and the calls for change, the whole world is awakening in a more meaningful way to the impact of racial injustice, police brutality, unequal pay and lack of equity in our country. You are right that these issues are not the same in every country, which means that not everyone shares the same knowledge base or experience. Truth be told, even many Americans, particularly white Americans, do not have the historical knowledge of this country's relationship to racial injustice that might seem to be a given.

And so, it is time for all of us to get educated. One way to start is by reading. Many scholars, anthropologists, cultural critics and historians have written about the history of race relations in the United States. I recommend that you begin to read so that you can expand your knowledge. Here are a few books to consider:

-- "So You Want to Talk About Race" by Ijeoma Oluo

-- "Americanah" by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (details a black person moving to America and dealing with race in America for the first time, a new perspective to add to your own)

-- "The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in The Age of Colorblindness" by Michelle Alexander

-- "The Half Has Never Been Told: Slavery and the Making of American Capitalism by Edward E. Baptist

-- "The Autobiography of Malcolm X: As Told to Alex Haley"

-- "The Color of Law: A Forgotten History of How Our Government Segregated America" by Richard Rothstein

-- "How to be an Antiracist" by Ibram X. Kendi

-- "Chokehold: Policing Black Men" by Paul Butler

-- "They Were Her Property: White Women as Slave Owners in the American South" by Stephanie E. Jones-Rogers

You may also want to look at some films that shed light on race relations in America. Consider these:

-- "Imitation of Life" by Douglas Sirk

-- "In the Heat of the Night" by Norman Jewison

-- "Let the Fire Burn" by Jason Osder

-- "Selma" by Ava Duvernay

-- "13th" by Ava Duvernay

-- "Just Mercy" by Destin Daniel Cretton

-- "The Black Panthers: Vanguard of the Revolution" by Stanley Nelson

-- "12 Years a Slave" by Steve McQueen

-- "A Raisin in the Sun" by Daniel Petrie

-- "Boyz in the Hood" by John Singleton

-- "The Butler" by Lee Daniels

-- "Fruitvale Station" by Ryan Coogler

-- "Dear White People" by Justin Simien

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but it should give you some perspective on what's happening in this country and why people are feeling the way that they are. Welcome to the conversation.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every summer, I invite my niece and nephew from Italy to come stay with me and my family. Travel hasn’t really opened up yet, so this summer hasn’t been an issue, but I anticipate that travel will be relaxed soon enough. I am afraid to have them come. Italy was hit hard by COVID-19, and my elderly mother lives with me. I worry that if I bring these young people into my home directly from one of the hardest-hit countries, I could be killing her. I love having them come, though. And they look forward to it so much. How should I handle this? -- Overseas Visitors

DEAR OVERSEAS VISITORS: This may be the year that you put that trans-Atlantic visit on pause. We won’t know for some time whether or not the virus is under control. According to Dr. Anthony Fauci, the director for the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, until there is a vaccine, we won’t have it under control. Yes, we have to live our lives. But we do not want to put anyone at risk, particularly our most vulnerable population, which includes elders.

If your family has to stay with you, I suggest that you wait until next year, when we have more information. As disappointed as they may be at first, they will have to understand. This international epidemic is real and needs to be respected. At the time of writing this column, we have topped 110,000 deaths in America. That is a sobering statistic. Be part of the solution by being extremely cautious. Use videoconferencing and other outlets to stay in touch. Plan the visit for a year from now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I seem to be having a standoff in the kitchen. Our agreement years ago was that if I cooked, he would clean the kitchen. We both work. I often work long hours, even now when we are at home. But he leaves the dishes in the sink overnight pretty consistently, then washes them in the morning. That means we get roaches sometimes because we live in an apartment building. You can’t leave food out and expect no repercussions. When I try to bring this up to him, he just blows me off and says, “I washed them, didn’t I? What’s your problem?” He doesn’t get it at all. But I don’t want to have to do every single thing in the house. How can I get him to participate more fully? It’s not my house; it’s our house. -- Need His Help

DEAR NEED HIS HELP: Revisit your household chores agreement when you aren’t upset. Tell your husband that you want to refresh how you two handle your duties. Point out that there’s a lot to do, and you are inviting him to work with you to improve on the upkeep of your home. Do an inventory of chores with him, including the kitchen -- but not singularly the kitchen. Ask for his input. What does he think needs to be done to maintain the home? Be sure to mention eliminating roaches and possible vermin. Ask him to recommit to cleaning the kitchen in a timely manner. You may consider spending time with him in the kitchen. Can you two talk and clean at the same time? Fostering togetherness might help inspire him to take action.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)