life

Reader Vexed By Man’s Accolades

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 22nd, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just saw an announcement for a promotion and award for a man I have known for many years. When I knew him, he was a cheat. Among other things, he “bought” something from me and never paid for it. I followed up multiple times, and he just blew me off, saying he was broke and he would pay me when he could. Now I see his face glowing with his accolades, and it turns my stomach.

Should I reach out to him and say something? Should I ask him for my money? I wonder what is the right thing to do, all things considered. I don’t mean to be petty, but he is hardly an upstanding citizen in my book. On the other hand, it’s not like he is running for president. His accolades don’t really make a difference in my life. I just hate that he’s being lauded as this perfect person when I know he is not. -- Liar

DEAR LIAR: Evaluate your knowledge about this man and the award he is receiving. Are the transgressions you know about him worth exposing him at this time? This is important in gaining perspective. For example, when someone has committed a heinous crime like sexual assault or money laundering and is running for president of the United States or even president of a company, it would be wise to say something -- even though often the one speaking up gets maligned rather than the one being accused. Your moral compass has to guide your steps on this.

In your case, if this man did commit a crime by not paying for goods received, but you think it was a small transgression, you may choose to forgive him. Even with forgiveness, the time may come when you communicate with him and let him know that you are happy for his current success, but you still remember when his behavior was dishonorable, specifically toward you. You can ask him to right those wrongs. My recommendation would be to do so privately.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for June 22, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 22nd, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Your advice to “Luddite” about using her off hours to get up to speed on technology was spot on. I'm an IT professional, and sometimes look for technology updates and tutorials on YouTube. Another excellent source of free tutorials that provides feedback on learning is Free Online Learning at GFCGlobal, edu.gcfglobal.org/en. -- Computer Help Desk Professional

DEAR COMPUTER HELP DESK PROFESSIONAL: I am a big believer in taking action to improve your life. It can seem daunting to approach simple technology when you don’t understand it. But we cannot give in. Instead, do the research, figure out what you don’t know and seek out help to learn. Nobody is expected to naturally know how to use various programs. Your downfall is if you do not take the steps to get educated. Thank you for the resources you have offered.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Employer Not Taking COVID-19 Concerns Seriously

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 20th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: As two co-workers and I return to our five-person office during our state’s Phase 1 reopening, no one but me is complying with basic COVID-19 health safety recommendations for 6-feet social distancing and wearing masks. (One other worker remains at home because she doesn’t have child care resources for her school-age children -- a different, but all-too-common problem.) The owner of the business worked alone in the office daily throughout the governor’s stay-at-home orders.

We have no interaction with the general public in our open office floor plan, but clients do occasionally come to the office for meetings -- and they don’t practice health safety measures either. My manager and the owner also go out of the office to meet with clients without masks or keeping proper social distance.

My manager rolled his eyes at me when he saw me wearing a mask and using disinfectant on my desk on the first day back. He has made it clear that we don’t have to worry about all of those measures in our small office, because he believes the pandemic risk is overblown.

The owner told me that I can still stay home and work, but I don’t feel like I can since my manager pretty much quit communicating with me and giving me work in the last two weeks while I was at home. He said to the owner and me that I should be in the office because he is. The owner then said nothing to counter that.

Is there anything I can do or say to my manager and our boss to have them respect my decision to comply with safety protocols while in the office? I also want to encourage group compliance and acceptance. I do need to keep my job, but I want to be safe! -- Want To Comply

DEAR WANT TO COMPLY: I am sorry that your boss and co-workers are not taking the COVID-19 threat seriously at your office. Sadly, there are many people who do not think it is a health risk that could affect them. At this point, rules are loosening up about wearing masks inside private offices.

You are right to disinfect your workspace each day. You should continue to wear a mask if your co-workers are typically closer to you than 6 feet. If you are safely separated, though, you aren’t required to wear a mask. You should continue to follow safety protocols and keep your distance from your officemates, especially since they are not following the guidelines. Don’t make a fuss about it since they don’t listen anyway. Just keep your distance and keep clean.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for June 20, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 20th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend invited her manicurist to come to her house to do nails. She invited three of her friends to come at different times so that we can get our nails done safely. Do you think this is a good idea? -- Manicure

DEAR MANICURE: If the manicurist, your friend, the two other people and you have been sheltering at home and following safety protocols, chances are, you will be safe. You should wear a mask the entire time and be quiet. The less you and the manicurist talk, the less chance of germs spreading.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Underemployed Reader Needs Attitude Adjustment

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 19th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I used to work in TV production, and I loved my job. A few years ago, when the economy was down, I lost my job, and I have been foundering ever since. I now work with a temp agency doing clerical work. I hate this job, but I haven’t been able to find anything else. I think my attitude is getting in my way. Because I really don’t think I should have to be doing this, I sometimes get mad when my boss -- whoever it is on a job -- piles on lots of administrative work. I just don’t like doing it, and I can get snippy. Or sometimes I don’t complete assignments on time. I realize it’s not because I have too much to do. I think it’s because I resent having to do it. This probably sounds crazy, but I can’t seem to shake my negative mindset. Any ideas? -- In a Slump

IN A SLUMP: Most people attach personal value to their jobs. When those jobs change, it can be extremely difficult to feel good about yourself. Losing a job is hard enough, but not being able to find something to do that you love can make the work experience that much harder.

Now that so many people have lost their jobs -- more than 40 million -- your story will soon be similar to countless others. I think the solution may be to rethink the meaning of work. Instead of longing for your job to equal your value, do your best to consider your job as your source of income. Period. This will make it easier for you to be efficient at those administrative functions without feeling crippled because you would prefer not to do them.

Give yourself permission to explore other pursuits that interest you creatively -- on the side. Connect with family and friends, and carve out time to enjoy one another -- even if it’s virtually these days. If you aren’t fully reliant on your job to fulfill you, you may be able to do it better.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for June 19, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 19th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been so busy lately that I have not been able to rest well. I feel like I have to take on every odd job that comes my way because I don’t know if I will have work tomorrow. That mentality made sense to me until I started to feel frazzled. How can I decide what to let go of, or should I just keep this up for now, given how precarious the job market is? I’m afraid I am going to burn out. -- Burned Out

DEAR BURNED OUT: Step back and evaluate what you are doing, how much time and energy each project takes, and what income is attached to each project. Ask yourself what you can afford to let go of. Be honest with yourself. If you trust that the universe has enough abundance for you even when you don’t do every single thing that comes your way, you can grow to be more discriminating with your choices.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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