DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother and brother both live in my house with me. I told my mom last year when they moved in that I was going to run the air conditioning all summer, and I did not want the windows or doors open -- period. My mom likes to have her window wide open all year. We ended up arguing about the windows being open while the air conditioning is running pretty much all summer long. I told her this year that I'm going to run the air, windows shut, no discussion about it. She already has been arguing that it shouldn't affect the temperature in the house and has opened her windows anyway. I have a ranch-style house, so it's not like she is in an upstairs bedroom where it is particularly hotter than the rest of the house. I keep the air at 70 degrees.

I don't want to fight with her, but I feel disrespected by her blatant disregard for my simple request. And as far as my brother is concerned, I asked him not to stink up his room with smoking, and his room now reeks of stale cigarette smoke. He has a nice deck attached to his room, so this is really irritating. Am I wrong for feeling this way? How can I ask them both to move out without causing World War III? -- Follow My Rules

DEAR FOLLOW MY RULES: For your brother, you should put your foot down -- hard. No smoking in your house, period. Tell him that if he continues to smoke, he will have to move. I don’t think you should even allow him to smoke on the deck because the smoke will still waft back into the house. Secondhand smoke is deadly.

It’s trickier with your mother. Some people aren’t comfortable without fresh air. Instead of trying to force her to close her window, request that she keep her door closed at all times. In this way, the air conditioner won't be working so hard to cool off her room.

I say the deal breaker is the cigarettes, not the open window.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Your advice to the woman who was concerned about drinking too much during the quarantine was spot on! I'd like to add that it is not necessary to admit you are an alcoholic in order to attend an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting (online or in person): “The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking." Additionally, there are open AA meetings, which are available to anyone, regardless of their drinking situation, and closed AA meetings, which are for those who want to stop drinking.

Many folks need what these meetings have to offer but may not be ready to consider themselves alcoholics or addicts. I know when I first walked through the doors of AA 15 years ago, I couldn't yet say those words -- "I'm an alcoholic." Ironically, when I finally said out loud what others had known for years, it was quite liberating. -- Recovering Alcoholic

DEAR RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC: Thank you for your welcoming clarification. For anyone who feels drawn to get support with their drinking, AA is immediately available to help you -- even online. Go to aa.org.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: I received a lot of mail about my column about videoconferences and the fact that I think it is smart for everyone to show their faces at least once during these calls as a way to create better connections. The following letters give a sense of the range of comments that you had -- all of which are valid.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a woman who videoconferences using audio only. I do this because my husband is an essential worker, and I have three children. So while on these calls, I am helping them with schoolwork, helping them in the bathroom, breaking up skirmishes, etc. I am quite certain that watching these goings-on would be incredibly distracting. So rather than all women being so vain they can't bring themselves to be seen on camera, perhaps we could consider that even during a crisis, women do a disproportionate amount of the child-rearing. Perhaps that would allow people to extend more compassion and less judgement. -- Reality Check

DEAR REALITY CHECK: I agree that you should not keep the camera on when you are taking care of your children. I also think it is wise to show your face briefly and, whenever possible, when you are speaking.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A good bit of the challenge senior leaders face comes down to how they present themselves in the world and how they communicate. From that perspective, I was intrigued by your reply to the writer exasperated by some female co-workers who choose not to be visible on office videoconferences.

You hit a couple of the points that crossed my mind when reading the letter. What I did not see was mention of two very significant issues I see embedded in the situation: women becoming invisible in the workforce and body language.

I'm sure you would agree that all too often, female employees lack the exposure or platform that enables them to demonstrate their full potential. Among the standard organizational "remedies" for that are some kind of self-esteem or assertiveness training and mentoring programs. Those can be helpful. What is decidedly not helpful is for women to purposefully become less visible on videoconference calls. If participating fully on a videoconference requires making more of an effort to achieve one's standard level of appearance, then I say shame on them for not making it. All the talk about and effort toward empowerment is quickly washed away when an employee's choices sabotage her own interests.

Second, communication occurs on three "frequencies" -- words, tone and body language. When the listener cannot experience the speaker's body language, as in this case, an enormous amount of meaning is lost. That weakens the impact of the speaker's remarks, further exacerbating the problem of being purposefully invisible. -- Professional Coach

DEAR PROFESSIONAL COACH: We live in a world where women are still valued less than men. To counter that, I think women should be as present as possible, even in the virtual workplace. But let me add that my main point about showing your face on video calls is for both men and women. When so many of us are still in quarantine, human interaction is even more important. Being able to see one another during work interactions matters.

I understand that the challenges of being at home are real and may make it impossible to always be on camera. But I recommend that all of us find a way to connect as meaningfully as we can from a distance. I believe that should include showing your face.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I don’t know what to say to my son about all of the stuff happening in our country. I am a black mother with a black teenager. I am afraid every time he goes outside. I have actually appreciated the quarantine because I had a reason to keep him inside, but that can’t last. I am at a loss as to how to protect my boy. I know you don’t have any magic words, but can you give any guidance? -- Save My Son

DEAR SAVE MY SON: The unrest happening in our country right now stems from people being fed up with the racial injustice that continues to haunt our nation. It is heart-wrenching to see that in 2020, black and brown people are murdered by law enforcement officials and citizens. Worse still is that it often happens without repercussion.

This tragedy needs to end, yet people have been saying this for generations. It is time for all of us to take a good, hard look at ourselves -- at our thoughts, words and deeds -- so that we can figure out a way forward. Somehow, we have to tap into the humanity of one another and call forth our goodness rather than hatred and rage.

I hate that black families routinely teach their sons, in particular, how to engage the police in order to stay alive. “The talk” for black males is not about sex and how to make smart choices regarding intimacy. The talk is about how to be quiet, follow directions, keep your hands in sight, don’t run, don’t talk back -- or die. Who wants to have that talk with a young person whom you want to grow up to feel strong and free?

Yet, that’s what’s real.

My heart aches for you and your son and for all of the mothers and sons and families who are questioning how to move forward. You are right: There is no easy answer. I wish I could say it’s safer to travel in a group because there’s safety in numbers. Not true. Being in a group is often seen as being in a gang. I wish I could say to go out only in daylight, but I could give you a list of black men who have been murdered in the light of day.

Remind your son to live by the values you have taught him. Make sure he treats everyone with respect. Teach him to trust his intuition. If it feels unsafe to be in a particular place, he should leave immediately. Urge him to stand up for himself, even when that means standing in silence until it is the right time to talk.

Encourage your son to believe that his life matters. Remind him of how much you love him and want him to have a full and glorious life. Require him to vote the moment he is old enough. Tell him that his thoughts, words and deeds must guide his steps. With hard work, your love and God’s grace, tell him you pray that he survives and thrives.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)