DEAR HARRIETTE: I don’t know what to say to my son about all of the stuff happening in our country. I am a black mother with a black teenager. I am afraid every time he goes outside. I have actually appreciated the quarantine because I had a reason to keep him inside, but that can’t last. I am at a loss as to how to protect my boy. I know you don’t have any magic words, but can you give any guidance? -- Save My Son

DEAR SAVE MY SON: The unrest happening in our country right now stems from people being fed up with the racial injustice that continues to haunt our nation. It is heart-wrenching to see that in 2020, black and brown people are murdered by law enforcement officials and citizens. Worse still is that it often happens without repercussion.

This tragedy needs to end, yet people have been saying this for generations. It is time for all of us to take a good, hard look at ourselves -- at our thoughts, words and deeds -- so that we can figure out a way forward. Somehow, we have to tap into the humanity of one another and call forth our goodness rather than hatred and rage.

I hate that black families routinely teach their sons, in particular, how to engage the police in order to stay alive. “The talk” for black males is not about sex and how to make smart choices regarding intimacy. The talk is about how to be quiet, follow directions, keep your hands in sight, don’t run, don’t talk back -- or die. Who wants to have that talk with a young person whom you want to grow up to feel strong and free?

Yet, that’s what’s real.

My heart aches for you and your son and for all of the mothers and sons and families who are questioning how to move forward. You are right: There is no easy answer. I wish I could say it’s safer to travel in a group because there’s safety in numbers. Not true. Being in a group is often seen as being in a gang. I wish I could say to go out only in daylight, but I could give you a list of black men who have been murdered in the light of day.

Remind your son to live by the values you have taught him. Make sure he treats everyone with respect. Teach him to trust his intuition. If it feels unsafe to be in a particular place, he should leave immediately. Urge him to stand up for himself, even when that means standing in silence until it is the right time to talk.

Encourage your son to believe that his life matters. Remind him of how much you love him and want him to have a full and glorious life. Require him to vote the moment he is old enough. Tell him that his thoughts, words and deeds must guide his steps. With hard work, your love and God’s grace, tell him you pray that he survives and thrives.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a neighbor who likes to bring candy to my children. He doesn’t have his own kids, so I know he is doing this to connect with children he loves. And my kids do love him. But I don’t give them candy. I told him that the first time he gave it to them, but he hasn’t gotten the message. He has even dropped off packages of candy for them at my door during stay-at-home orders. He’s not creepy or anything, just lonely. How can I get him to change what he gives them without hurting his feelings? -- Candy Man

DEAR CANDY MAN: Wait until the quarantine is over and you feel safe to talk to him face-to-face, if possible. Thank him for being attentive to your children and reset your boundaries. Remind him that you do not allow your children to eat candy, which means they can never enjoy the gifts he brings because you don’t give it to them. Suggest that he come up with another gift or forego giving them anything. You might explain why you don’t give your children sweets so that he is clear about your wishes and your reasons to back them up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a human resources professional, and the recent writer who should have gotten a promotion with a raise had more options than to wait and be patient, especially as it appears her employer has been dragging its feet before the pandemic.

The letter writer needs to have documentation that this is a promotion and there will be a raise. She needs to know the new salary and have information about when or if there are conditions that must be met. She should also ask for back wages for the raise in the form of a bonus. For example, say the raise is $2,000 a year, but it is not issued for six months. The letter writer would be owed $1,000. In short, she needs to speak up for herself.

Even just emailing something like this to her employer would be helpful documentation in case it refuses to provide an offer letter. She can set terms like, “We will evaluate where business is in 90 days/six months/business has recovered to 80% of pre-pandemic levels.” And the letter writer should clearly document both the new responsibilities and how she has been carrying them out. This is needed so if the raise isn’t given or if she is fired, she has written proof that she can share with an attorney. She should send this letter to her manager and HR or someone else in the company and BCC her personal email. If there is no response in a week, email again.

If the company doesn’t respond by email, have a conversation. Afterward, send an email summary and BCC herself. I would also send an email of every conversation I had about this: “Today is June 13, 2020, and I spoke to Manager John. He said he would check with the owner.” -- HR Input

DEAR HR INPUT: Thank you for your clarification. Several people have written to me about this topic. I am grateful to share your professional wisdom on the matter.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I belong to a social club. Since sheltering at home began and restaurants and stuff have been closed, they, too, have shut down. Management invited members to contribute to a fund for the staff. I thought that was nice; they’ve had no income, and most of them want to be artists, so they had nowhere to turn during this time. I chose to give what I could to them rather than to a random charity. When I told my sister about it, she said that if I can’t get a tax write-off, I am wasting my money. I think that’s the wrong attitude. I know these people, and they have been very kind to me over the years. Giving a few dollars to help them out seems like a small but helpful gesture. What do you think? -- Generosity

DEAR GENEROSITY: Good for you that you have chosen to be supportive of people you know who are struggling at this time. It is true that many people who work in restaurants, bars and social clubs double as artists. For many, having the stability of a job that has flexible hours and that comes with tips can make the difference in being able to pay basic bills like rent, food, telephone and utilities. I think you were smart to follow your heart and give what could to help these people.

Your sister isn’t wrong either. It’s great if you can get a tax write-off for your generosity. But what’s even better is for you to give from your heart to those in need.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This is in response to the letter from the mother who was upset, because her son was calling her by her first name. More than 34 years ago, my 7-year-old daughter started doing the same thing, and it irritated me, plus I pictured her 3-year-old brother picking up the same bad habit. After thinking about it a bit, I told my daughter that, yes, my name is Helen, and lots of people called me that, but there were only two people in the whole world that were able to call me Mommy. I could see the wheels moving in her head as she digested the fact that using the name Mommy made her special and privileged, and it was never an issue again. I was so happy this worked, I told myself I'd share my story when someone else was having the same problem. Good luck! -- Mommy Helen

DEAR MOMMY HELEN: What a wonderful story! It is a privilege and a blessing to be able to be a mommy and to have someone call you Mommy. The bond that exists between a mother and child can be so strong and powerful -- and unique. Your approach presented a brilliant way for your daughter to grasp how precious the name that helps to define your relationship is. I hope other families will use this strategy when needed. Thanks so much.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)