life

Parent Shocked by Teen’s TV Choices

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 20th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I walked into my teenage daughter’s room and saw that she was watching a program that had pretty overt sexual activity in it. When we talked, she told me that almost all of the teenage-focused programs these days have nudity and some kind of sexual activity. I was aghast. My daughter is a good girl, as teenagers go. I don’t think she is engaged in sexual activity herself yet, but I don’t want her to be able to see some of the things that are shown on these programs. She showed me some examples of popular teen shows on the streaming services, and she was right. ALL of them had sexual activity in them. I don’t want to ban her from TV. Honestly, I don’t know if that would really work anyway. What can I do to protect her? -- Rated R

DEAR RATED R: Continue to talk to your daughter about what you believe is appropriate for her to observe and what you wish would come much later. I remember when my daughter was younger, I would have her turn her head if anything suggestive came on TV. It wasn’t that we were watching inappropriate fare, either. For some time now, television programming has been dotted with age-inappropriate material. Because of that training, I can now say to my teenager that she should turn her head if something obviously inappropriate comes on.

Another approach I take is to watch programming with her and talk about what is being explored so that she isn’t sitting with that content on her own. Finally, you can check with commonsensemedia.org to determine what is appropriate for her age group. Encourage her to take responsibility for what she consumes. This will help her when you are not looking.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for May 20, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 20th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have some friends who are not working. Either they lost their jobs because of coronavirus, or they were already retired. Whatever the reason is, they have a lot of free time on their hands. Meanwhile, I’m still working two jobs in order to take care of my family. I am grateful to have them, but I am also worn out at the end of each day.

My friends call the moment they think I am home. They want to talk. I need some time to wind down, but if I don’t answer the phone, they call incessantly, claiming they are worried whether I am safe and healthy. I appreciate their concern, but I need some space. How can I manage my friendships? I love them and want to be there for them, but I also need to take care of myself. What should I do? -- Seeking Balance

DEAR SEEKING BALANCE: Suggest that you do a group text check-in with your friends so that everybody knows you are all OK. Make it clear that you cannot talk every night. Schedule longer conversations every week or every other week at a time when you can devote an extended period of time to conversation. Manage that chat by inviting them to talk about their lives. People love to talk. If you let your friends unload, you will have to say less while still being engaged and present with those that you love.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Co-Workers Turn Off Video During Conferences

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 19th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My company has videoconference calls every day, often several times during the day. I have noticed that the women hardly ever show their faces. We just see their names across a blank screen, even when they are talking. The men typically show their faces. I imagine this is because nobody can get to the hairdresser or any other grooming place, and women don’t feel pulled together now. I wonder what the etiquette is for participating in these calls. My gut says it would be much better for people to be fully participatory, meaning showing their faces. -- Video Call Etiquette

DEAR VIDEO CALL ETIQUETTE: The new business world includes ongoing videoconferencing for many people. I agree with you that it is smart to be visible on these calls, at least when you first join in on the call and whenever you speak. In this way, you humanize yourself during the conversation.

It is also true that many people are struggling with grooming and maintenance during this extended period under stay-at-home orders. To all, I suggest that you figure out how to look your best professionally, and that should include what you wear. You may not need to wear a suit jacket, but think about your industry and who will be on the various calls you have. Dress appropriately for that moment. Be sure that your hair is neat. Also pay attention to your background to ensure that you move anything out of the shot that you would prefer not be seen.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for May 19, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 19th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My town is reopening, and I am so scared. When I listen to the news, I hear many conflicting messages. On one hand, they say that if we continue to stay six feet apart and wear our masks, we can go back to work. I know that we need to begin to turn things around, but I am worried.

I have underlying health conditions, but nobody knows. I’m afraid to say anything because I might lose my job, even after my company allowed all of us to stay on payroll when we were closed. I don’t know what to do. Should I speak to HR or my boss about my concerns? Should I go in and just hope for the best? Should I stay home? What do you recommend? -- Back to Work

DEAR BACK TO WORK: Start with your primary care physician. Schedule a call to discuss how you can go back to work safely. Ask for advice on what you can do that will be safest for you. If your doctor doesn't want you to go back to work, get a written note stating that you have been asked to stay at home for medical reasons for a particular period of time. Your doctor does not need to state what your circumstances are, just that you have a medical reason for staying at home. Talk to your employer about how you can do your job remotely for an extended period of time.

If your doctor says you can go back to work, be careful. Keep your surfaces and hands clean. Wear a mask consistently. Do not touch people. Do not let your guard down -- even if co-workers brush off the precautions as frivolous. Stay vigilant.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Grandchild Wonders What To Do About Funeral

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 18th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandma died this week, and it is so sad. We weren’t able to visit her in her nursing home or in the hospital because of the rules about COVID-19. Now it’s time for us to put her to rest. I can’t decide what to do. I could host a tiny funeral with 10 guests or fewer. Or I could wait indefinitely to host a bigger event after the gathering restrictions are relaxed. Or the funeral home suggested a virtual event. I don’t know what to do. What do you recommend? -- End of Life

DEAR END OF LIFE: I am so very sorry for your loss. It is always hard to lose a loved one. It is exponentially worse right now for the reasons you are experiencing. Not being able to comfort loved ones during their time of transition can be excruciating for all parties. Not being able to say goodbye in a communal mourning experience can feel incomplete. And yet, that is what we are charged with managing these days.

What I’m learning is that every family has to figure out what works best for you and your family dynamics. A fair compromise for many people is a combination event, where a small group of 10 or fewer can be in the space of the event. That way you can see one another’s faces and be with each other while practicing social distancing. At the same time, live-streaming the event is kind for all of the loved ones who are unable to attend. If you can get the funeral home to handle the stream, it is great because they are professionals and are not emotionally invested in the event. They should be able to capture everything. Consider saving the broadcast so that you can watch it again.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for May 18, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 18th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a number of medical issues, and I had doctors’ appointments set up over the next few months to deal with them. Nothing is a medical emergency, but I do need to attend to some things.

It has been almost impossible to get doctors’ appointments because of the shutdown. I was told that I should not go to my doctors’ offices because it could cause a health risk. In one case, my doctor was too busy dealing with the overflow from coronavirus patients. Now several weeks have passed, and I am concerned that I am letting my issues go unattended. What can I do to make sure that I stay on top of my health? I don’t think it’s smart to table my issues, even though this crisis is really huge. -- Minding My Health

DEAR MINDING MY HEALTH: Request telehealth calls with your primary care physician and any other physician you might need to speak with. During this call, have a written list of questions and concerns. Take notes about what is discussed. If you think you need in-person follow up, request it. Explain why you feel this way, and request a safe means of addressing your medical issues. The more organized and clear you are, the better your chances of finding the results you desire.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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