DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I’m constantly under attack in my marriage. Whenever my husband calls out my name, I cringe because I expect him to disparage me about something. It could be the littlest thing. Like, if he can’t find something, he sharply calls out my name and speaks in a berating tone, asking where the thing is. If he is talking about something that I don’t know about, he will look at me with his eyes big and wide, suck his teeth and ask how it is possible that I don’t know that thing. Whatever the topic, usually he treats me like I’m stupid if I can’t immediately join the conversation exactly where he is or have the solution to his problem. This may seem small, buy I really don’t know what to do. I am tired of always being under his surveillance. How can I get him to be kind to me? -- Under Fire

DEAR UNDER FIRE: Have you tried to tell him how his tone makes you feel? I know that may seem like a daunting task, but he needs to know that the way he speaks to you is upsetting. You can go one step further and ask him to go to counseling with you. Tell him you love him and want to strengthen your bond. Right now you are feeling very uncomfortable in your relationship. Tell him that you think a professional counselor might be able to help the two of you get back on track.

If he is unwilling, or if this upsets him more, think about removing yourself from this marriage. Do you think that your husband is being verbally abusive? The signs include: condescension, critical comments, blame, threats and accusations, among others. If you are worried that you are stuck in a relationship that is unhealthy, reach out for help. You can call the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233. For more information, go to joinonelove.org/learn/11-common-patterns-verbal-abuse/.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was recently given a promotion at my job. I was excited about that until I learned that it’s a bit complicated. I was up for this promotion for more than a year, and I have been super patient and basically just waiting. My boss had promised it to me a while back. But now that I got it, I learned that I can’t get my raise until some indefinite time down the line. Because of the economic situation we are in, they are unwilling to give more money even though they do expect more work. We aren’t in a union, so I don’t feel like I have much leverage here. Should I go along in hopes that when things get better I’ll get a raise, or should I demand my increase now? -- Time for a Raise

TIME FOR A RAISE: We are living through unprecedented times in which the economy is turned upside down and everyone is trying to figure out how to survive. Within this context, patience and faith are key. Do your best at your new job despite the pay freeze. Trust that in time, as the economy improves, you will get your due. Your boss probably can’t put a timeline on this as nobody knows how or when the economy will improve. With that in mind, work hard and believe that your paycheck will come.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a new job, but I am worried that I am in over my head because of the technology. I don’t really know how to use the different programs that we have been asked to use on a daily basis. I didn’t lie about it when I took the job. Nobody asked me. I think they assumed that everybody knows how to use things like Microsoft Office and Excel. I hardly know how to use the computer. I’m not so old; it’s just that in my previous jobs I mainly worked with my hands. I wasn’t in an office, and I never learned this stuff. I need this job and need to figure out how to do these basic things before I get fired. I’m afraid to talk to my boss about it. What should I do? -- Luddite

DEAR LUDDITE: Technology has moved at such a rapid pace that it is easy to be left behind. And that’s for people who are relatively tech-savvy. For someone who hasn’t had the need to engage with technology on a daily basis, it makes sense that your job seems daunting. The good news is that there’s tons of help out there. Look in your office manual, if you have one, to see if your company offers any technical support. There’s a good chance that some basic training is offered for certain programs that your company regularly uses. Beyond that, go online and look for courses -- some free, others at a nominal charge -- that will teach you how to operate specific programs, including how to use shortcuts when possible.

I found one source that offers training across many platforms that may help you: support.office.com/en-us/office-training-center. Don’t give up. Just get the tutoring you need. Spend a few hours each night after work studying and practicing, and you will be proficient in no time!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who was going to get married this spring. Now she has pushed it out for at least a year. It is a destination wedding. I already told her that I can’t go, but I didn’t tell her why. I can’t afford it, plus I don’t even have a passport, believe it or not. I am embarrassed that I’m so ill-prepared to be there for my friend, but now, on top of everything else, I’m nervous about traveling in the aftermath of coronavirus. Do you think I’m being too paranoid? We don’t know when the wedding will be, but probably next year. -- Attending a Wedding

DEAR ATTENDING A WEDDING: Take a deep breath and relax. You do not have to make a decision right now. But it is good for you to examine your fears and apprehensions around traveling. When we get to the point that it feels safe to venture out again, it could be wonderful for you to support your friend by attending her destination wedding. It is very easy to apply for a passport. You can get one as an American citizen even if you never take a trip overseas. In terms of budgeting, save money as you can for a travel fund. It can be little bits at a time. You may be surprised at how much you can stash away if you set your mind to it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Some of my friends have been trying to get me to participate in virtual cocktail parties with them. It just seems silly to me, sitting around at home looking at my computer screen and drinking remotely with a group of people. Yuck! My best friend keeps urging me to try it. She reminded me that we used to have regular get-togethers with our friend group, and this will be as close as we can get to that. I see her point, but I don’t think it will be fun. It seems contrived to me. How can I back out of this without hurting her feelings? -- Grouchy

DEAR GROUCHY: I often talk about the need to strike a balance between technology and humanity. Here is a time when I actually love the fact that we can see each other and enjoy each other’s company from a distance through technology. I strongly disagree with you on this one. You should try it. You can start by attending a pre-planned party with friends who are going to get together. You can set yourself up with food and drink, or just be present and sit and talk with them. Choose to have an open mind and cherish being "together" as it exists today.

Like any other time, if you decide to do it again, you should choose your friend group well. Curate a party that features an eclectic group of people you would like to engage, and put your all into it. I think you will be surprisingly pleased.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A woman I know and care about very much just lost her father to COVID-19. I am so sorry for her. He lived in a nursing home, so she couldn’t even see him for the past month when he was doing poorly. He was an elderly man, but his daughter is young and vital and very popular. So many people want to go to his funeral to honor his life, but they can’t. The law says that only 10 people can gather. This is so depressing. How can we support our friend during this time of loss? Under any other circumstances, there would have been hundreds of loved ones in attendance. -- Mourning During COVID-19

DEAR MOURNING DURING COVID-19: Loss during this period is extremely tough because it is impossible to grieve in the ways that we once did. Hugging, crying, touching, physically consoling -- they cannot happen at this time. It is true that the survivors are the ones who need that consolation. Your popular friend would surely appreciate having more than 10 people present at her father’s homegoing.

There is a chance that you can join remotely. Reach out to your friend and tell her that you and many other friends want to be there for her. Ask her if there is a chance, through the funeral parlor, that the service can be live-streamed. This is a popular option right now so that loved ones can complete the bond of love and release for a life well-lived. If this is possible, spread the word to friends. If not, invite friends to send notes and greeting cards that express your sadness about her father’s passing.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)