DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother lives in a retirement home, and I am so worried about her. There have been reports all over the country about the virus infiltrating old folks’ homes and killing lots of people. I feel like I should bring my mother home with me, but I’m worried that she might not stay healthy. My husband goes to work outside of the home every day. He practices social distancing to the extent that he can, but he’s a contractor, and he works with people. My mother is in her 90s and in fragile health. That’s why I want her out of the retirement building, but I’m not sure that my house is safer. How can I figure that out? -- Mom’s Safety

DEAR MOM’S SAFETY: This is one of the most frequently asked questions today. For anyone who has a parent or loved one living in a nursing home, the worry is that they might contract COVID-19, even after all of the precautions have been put in place. As you know, the level of quarantine in those spaces is high. Nobody can visit for the foreseeable future to avoid exposure. And yet there are stories of nursing homes having deadly COVID-19 outbreaks.

Talk to your mother’s doctor. Lay out your concerns and detail how your household runs. Chances are slim that the doctor will want you to move your mother there, given the way that your husband interacts with people outside the home. But trust the doctor. For AARP recommendations on how to support your mother, go to bit.ly/3bAstpW.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is extremely pushy. Whenever we talk, it feels like it is on her terms and only when it is convenient for her. And she always seems to find something to criticize me about. Just some little thing that she finds annoying enough to want to get off her chest. As my son says, she is judgmental. I’m sick of it. I feel like I can never relax when I talk to her; I never know when she is going to say something that will hurt my feelings. I don’t think she realizes how harsh her comments can be. Even when I stand up for myself, I find that she deflects and throws more punches. How can I get her to be more sensitive to my feelings? She is my friend, and I love her. But I’ve had enough of her meanness. -- Below the Belt

DEAR BELOW THE BELT: It is time for you to stand up for yourself with this friend. Do not allow her pushiness to silence you. As her friend, you deserve to be treated with greater care. But you have to tell her. You should not assume that she is aware of how her barbs land. Chances are, she thinks the way she communicates is just the way she is, without considering that her “way” may be abrasive and hurtful to others.

Be prepared to tell her that her words hurt and to give her specific examples so that she cannot wriggle out of the conversation. Stop her when she deflects. Tell her -- and punctuate your point with anecdotes -- that she hurts your feelings regularly. Ask her to be more sensitive to you. Remind her each time she says something inappropriate. If she refuses to be more mindful, begin to distance yourself from her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A family member called to ask if he could borrow some money because he lost his job and doesn’t have enough money to pay his rent. I know this is happening everywhere, and I feel so sorry for him. I’m concerned, though, that if I lend him money, it will just weigh on both of us when he can’t pay it back. Part of me feels like I should just give him what I can afford to give, even though it’s not his whole rent check. But in that way, he won’t owe me anything and I won’t be upset that I extended myself too far and begin to resent him for it. Am I overthinking this? I love my cousin so much, but I don’t want the added financial or emotional stress of having to deal with a likely disappointment. -- Financial Gift

DEAR FINANCIAL GIFT: You are on the right page. Decide how much you can give your cousin without need for reimbursement. Offer that to him. Tell him that this is the gift you can give to him -- no need to pay you back. If he counters that he really needs more, respond that this is what you have to give. Your clarity should make it easier for him to accept that reality. Don’t apologize for not being able to afford more. State the truth: This is what you can give.

You can also ask him if he knows how to file for unemployment. Find out if there is any other service he may need help accessing. Perhaps you can help him in other ways. But draw the line regarding money.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband constantly complains about everything. In the past few weeks, he has ramped up his complaints. From the time he gets up in the morning, he finds something to pick at. We are all stuck in the house together, and I’m going crazy. I know that times are tough. I’m living in them, too. We don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. But listening to him moan about every single thing all day long is too much for me. How can I get him to change his attitude? -- Dark Cloud

DEAR DARK CLOUD: Even though we are required to quarantine, I wonder if it might be worth it for you to put on a mask and take a walk every day. Experts have said that if you can maintain physical distancing while you walk wearing a mask, you can go outside. Getting fresh air and time to yourself may help to clear your head and help you to deal with the stresses of home.

Be pleasant to your husband. Choose to cultivate your personal joy, even if he can’t muster it right now. Tell him you love him and that you know times are difficult. Ask him to consider looking at whatever you are discussing in a different way. Point out that it is possible to find happiness even now when things seem so dire. Tell him you need him to be more optimistic for you and the family. Finally, put in some earphones and listen to music when you need to tune him out.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am friends with a few social media influencers. They are my real friends, but random people I know will call me to try to get in touch with them. They want a hookup for a public appearance or an album or whatever. I do not feel comfortable connecting people like that, for the most part. When it makes sense, I will introduce people, but I’m tired of always being asked. How can I put my foot down on this? These are my genuine friends. I don’t want them to think that I am “pimping” them off to my contacts. -- Drawing the Line

DEAR DRAWING THE LINE: You should speak to your friends and get a read on what works for them. Often, people in the public eye are interested in having their work promoted. What you should figure out with them is what they would appreciate hearing about from your contacts. Be honest with them. Tell them that sometimes people reach out to you because they know you are friends, and you want to protect their privacy and still make introductions when appropriate.

You should get your friends’ professional representatives’ information. That way, you keep your friends -- “the talent” -- out of it. You can refer your inquiring associates to the agents or managers of your friends. If you like the idea, you can make that clear to the representative. If you are neutral but think it’s worth considering, say that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a colleague who is constantly competing with me for ideas. She and I are on the same level at our job, and over the past year, I have watched her listen to the ideas I pitch in meetings, then rush to plan what I just mentioned. Then she takes credit for it as if it was her idea. She has done this countless times, and for some reason, my boss lets her get away with it. How can I suggest my ideas when there’s somebody at work who is so hungry to steal them? I am so upset by her, but I can’t figure out how to share my ideas without her taking them from me. -- Owning My Ideas

DEAR OWNING MY IDEAS: You may want to wait to pitch ideas until you are clear that you can deliver them swiftly. Be more strategic when you share your inspirations. Consider having one-on-one meetings with your boss where you present your ideas, and find out if you can move forward with your boss’s blessing. Without complaining about your colleague, you should attempt to establish a rapport with your boss that allows you to get your ideas across more privately. If that doesn’t work, be more sparing in the meetings when you speak your ideas out loud.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)