life

Teenage Daughter Angry About Parent’s Strictness

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 29th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage daughter keeps asking to go out and hang with her friends. I have been strict, requiring her to stay at home with me each day during our stay-at-home order. I have followed the guidelines to the letter. But one of her best friends goes out with another friend almost every day. They visit each other’s homes. They take walks. And they end up having a lot of fun. We do not live near them, and I don’t think that’s a good idea anyway, but my daughter is furious that I am so strict. What do you think about my rules? -- Limitations

DEAR LIMITATIONS: Your strictness may just be what will save your daughter’s life -- and your own. You may want to acknowledge that you know you are being particularly strict about her movements, but remind her why. Point out the reality that this virus is spread by human interaction and contact, though it is invisible and, therefore, impossible to know if you are encountering it. Apologize to your daughter for keeping her from what might surely be fun times with her friends. Remind her that you are looking at the big picture. You want her to have years of fun, and you are willing to make the sacrifice of a few weeks or months of quarantine if it will gain you many healthy years to come. Encourage your daughter to use social media and other forms of interaction to stay in touch with her friends.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 29, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 29th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have noticed that petty crimes are increasing in my neighborhood in New York City. I have the Citizen app, which reports incidents in your neighborhood. For the past few weeks, there have been lots of muggings, robberies and people held at knifepoint. I’m not exaggerating. I feel nervous to go outside, especially to go to the bank. In my friend’s building, they established a neighborhood watch kind of thing, where you can ask someone to walk with you to the bank to minimize your risk of being robbed. The people in my building are not that friendly, but I’m wondering if it might be worth it to try to organize something like that. Do you have any suggestions? -- Neighborhood Watch

DEAR NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH: It is a good idea to create some kind of coalition in your building or among friends who live nearby. To get the group going, post a sign in your building and schedule a Zoom or Skype call to discuss the idea. Create an email group with friends where you consider the logistics. Take action and see how it develops.

If you organize with your building, make sure you confirm that the people who sign up are legitimate tenants. You may want to create time periods when people are available to go outside, or it could be a more fluid system where folks reach out when they need to make a run.

Walking in pairs -- with proper physical distancing -- is a smart way to protect yourself and complete your chores. Do your best to keep your money and telephone out of view. Do not carry large, cumbersome bags. Keep your eyes open.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Reader Wonders When It’s OK To Give Money

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 28th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I go outside once a week to buy food and go to the pharmacy (when necessary). I don’t spend much time outside, and I’m happy to report that there aren’t a lot of people outside. What I am noticing, though, is an increase in the number of people who are begging. Many of the people look no different from me or my friends. The other ones are out there, too -- more seasoned beggars who ask for change or a dollar. I am conflicted about what I should give to these people. I know that life is getting tougher for many people, but it’s true for me, too. How can I share with some of these people and stay true to my belief that they should figure out how to take care of themselves? -- When to Give

DEAR WHEN TO GIVE: I want to advise you to soften your eyes and your attitude. Whether or not you give people money, it is important for you to gain a better understanding of what you are seeing. Through no fault of their own, millions of people are out of work. Statistics show that most Americans have only a few weeks’ worth of savings, which means that many of the more than 12 million people who recently lost their jobs are penniless already. They need food and medicines, just like you. I can only imagine that it is horrifying for many of them to find themselves outside asking for the kindness of strangers at a time when it’s scary to be outside at all.

Please look upon them with compassion. That includes the ones who have been hustling for a longer period of time. They deserve our positive energy and sense of humanity.

Who you share your resources with and how much is up to you. Consider walking with a bit of food you can give away or loose change that you can offer when you feel inspired. But also, a kind smile and acknowledgment that you are encountering another human being counts for a lot -- even if you can’t give anything more.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 28, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 28th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I talked to a good friend who told me that almost a dozen people in his life have died in the past couple of weeks due to COVID-19. He had been trying to stay positive and follow directions, but he was really down when we talked that day. I offered to pray with him, which we did. I then told him that as bad as it is, he has to be grateful that he is alive. He got mad at me for saying that. I didn’t know what to say, honestly. Nothing like this has ever happened before. But I do know that if you get depressed, it will be harder to get through this sadness. What else can I say to him? -- Grieving Friend

DEAR GRIEVING FRIEND: Forgive your friend for not being able to receive your message at this dark moment in his life. Continue to pray for him. And reach out to him soon and often. Check in to learn how he is feeling and what he is doing. Share something positive that you have read or seen. Encourage him to do something uplifting. Stay in touch and be a good listener, even when he is insensitive.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Woman Needs Quarantine Grooming Tips

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 27th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Working from home for all these weeks makes me realize how reliant I had become on service providers like hairdressers and nail technicians. I know that sounds unimportant, given the circumstances, but in my work, I am on Zoom calls every day, all day long. My co-workers can see me, and I am looking a little rough around the edges. I don’t really know how to do my hair. And my nails are busted. I tried to redo them, but I have acrylics, and they kind of crumbled. I am what my kids would call a “hot mess.” How can I get it together when I really don’t have the grooming skills that I need? -- Unkempt

DEAR UNKEMPT: You stand with thousands of other women and men who have come to rely on outside services to keep their appearances in check. For many men, that weekly barbershop appointment has been on hold for months. Same for people who have standing hair or nail appointments. Clearly, you have to pivot to self-care.

Let the internet be your guide. Use these simple instructional words to search for nail removal tips: removing acrylic nails at home safely. The most important word there is “safely.” Be patient. If you rush with the nail removal, you can damage your weakened nails. The directions typically say to soak your nails in acetone polish remover for 20 to 30 minutes. Add another 30 if the coating is hard to remove.

For your hair, it all depends on the texture, length and style of your hair. If you can pull it back in a bun or ponytail, you have an easy solution. If you need chemicals to soften your hair or color to dye it, you may want to order those products if you think you can carefully follow the directions. Look online for instructions for doing hair with your texture. You may also want to call your hairstylist. Some salons are offering tutorials for their customers.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 27, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 27th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family has planned a vacation for this summer, and we have all been looking forward to it. We rented a house in the Dominican Republic, and about a dozen of us are planning to travel to be together. Now I’m not so sure we are going to be able to go. Who knows when the travel ban will be lifted? But even if it is OK to travel by June, I’m not sure if we will feel safe enough to board planes and travel internationally right after being quarantined at home for so long. What do you think we should do? -- Family Vacation

DEAR FAMILY VACATION: Many people are canceling or postponing big trips because of the uncertainty of the future. As lovely as your trip sounds, it seems unlikely that you will be able to take a big group on this journey in June. Rather than waiting until the last minute, when the airlines are already in crisis mode, you may want to get your money back for now and schedule a trip for next year, when things have settled down more.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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