life

Apartment-Dweller Bored Stuck Inside During Quarantine

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 23rd, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have watched just about every show on TV, it seems. Even though there are lots of options now, what with cable and those other streaming services -- and we have them all, it feels like -- I can’t find anything I want to watch. We are bored out of our minds. We live in a high-rise apartment building, and we have no backyard. We have nowhere to go during this quarantine. What can we do that will bring us joy? -- Boredom

DEAR BOREDOM: My father used to call the television “the idiot box.” Though he enjoyed watching it, he believed that it sucked away our energy and time with few positive results. His recommendation would be to read a book. Have you considered that? If you have books in the house, choose something to read. Make it a shared activity. You can both read at the same time, and talk about what you read with each other.

If you don’t have books, go online. You can buy an audiobook to listen to together. Books can transport you into faraway worlds and spark interesting conversations that can bring you closer as they also stimulate your brain. Try it!

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 23, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 23rd, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister and I have a distant relationship -- to put it nicely. When we were kids, she always picked on me. Even after we became adults, she would take her jabs at every possible turn. It got so bad that I stopped calling her. She and I don’t live in the same town, so it is only by choice that we talk to each other now. I got tired of her always berating me, so I talk to her only at family get-togethers or on her birthday. That’s pretty much it. I’m wondering if I should try to mend that fence now that we have no idea when we will see each other again. I am married with children. She is single and alone. I imagine that she is feeling lonely. How can I mend the fence when so much time has gone by? -- Crossing the Divide

DEAR CROSSING THE DIVIDE: The first step is often the hardest. When a lot of time has gone by, it can seem impossible to get close to someone, even a family member. But that first step is often the hardest, and once you take it, the next will seem easier.

Set an intention for your connection with your sister. Remember that you are adults now, and you do not have to slip into old behaviors. There is absolutely no reason why she should have any dominion over you. Speak to her the way you speak to anyone else, with your own confidence and personality. Do not feel the need to dredge up old feelings. Instead, just be in the moment. Call her and ask her how she’s managing. Ask her how she is spending her days. Get her talking. You should also share with her some highlights of your time in quarantine. If you miss her, say as much. Be honest and kind about wanting to have a closer relationship with her. Suggest that you speak more regularly. See if she likes that idea. Take baby steps. And if either of you slips back into old behaviors, take a breath and remind yourself that you are no longer children. You have the power to choose how you will react to whatever is happening before you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Charitable Reader Questions Giving After Layoff

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 22nd, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have contributed to a number of charities over the years. I feel good about that, because I want to support causes that I believe in. But I am uncertain as to what I can give right now that I have been laid off from my job. I am single, and I live on my own. I have no idea when I will get another job. I feel horrible that I cannot be generous right now, but I worry that if I continue to pledge to the 10 charities that I normally give money to that I won’t have enough for myself. What should I do? -- Dry Well

DEAR DRY WELL: Your generosity over the years counts for a lot. Whenever you have been able to give, you have done so. During this period, many people are finding it challenging to extend their generosity to charity when they find themselves lacking in their own lives. Striking a balance is what may give you comfort. Rather than eliminating all of your charities, consider choosing one that you continue to support, for now, as you re-establish personal stability. You may want to lower the amount you give, but if you give something, this may ease the emotional burden that you are feeling.

You might also look at the charities’ websites to learn what their essential needs are during this time. As you build more resources, give to specific efforts. Also, look to see if you can give something other than financial resources. Can you volunteer your time to help a charity? Can you donate some of your possessions for their benefit? Get creative.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 22, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 22nd, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been married for a long time, and my husband and I have come to terms with where we stand on lots of things. Now that we are dealing with a health crisis, it’s different. I am overly cautious, and he is nonchalant. He says we are all going to die, so why worry about it? He goes out when he wants and pretty much does what he wants, though it’s not usually that much or too far. We live in a suburban neighborhood.

Still, I’m nervous. I see the news. Everything says that we are in danger if we leave our homes. How can I get my husband to stay home? Both of us have high blood pressure and a few other things that are on the health risk list. I need him to take this seriously. -- Stay Home

DEAR STAY HOME: With your husband, review the guidelines for going outside, including covering his face and washing his hands thoroughly upon return. Remind him how much you love him and want him -- and yourself -- to stay healthy. Point out that your health challenges make you more vulnerable to the ravages of the disease.

If he balks at your entreaties, tell him that he will have to sleep on the sofa, because you want to live.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Overwhelmed Intern Has Dropped the Ball

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 21st, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: A young lady has been interning with me for a month or so. She has been consistent in some areas and flaky in others. My job is to teach her how to be professional and what she can learn about my industry. She is a college student, and now that her classes are all remote, she is freaking out. She has missed all of the deadlines I have given her for projects. I just heard from her that she feels overwhelmed because her schedule has changed so much. Her tone was worrisome. On one hand, I am annoyed that she has dropped the ball on things she agreed to do. On the other hand, I feel like I need to check in on her mental health. But since we cannot be together, I’m not sure what to do. -- Helping the Intern

DEAR HELPING THE INTERN: Start by sending her a note acknowledging what she has told you she is feeling. Forgive her for not meeting your deadline, and ask her to schedule a time when you can talk “face to face.” Use FaceTime, Skype, Zoom or some other form of technology to have a video conference. In as calm and welcoming a tone as possible, invite her to tell you what’s going on in her life. Ask how her classes are going and if she has good relationships with her professors. Ask her what she needs in order to feel better. Sometimes just having someone to talk to can be helpful. Learn about her support system. Does she talk to her parents or close friends?

Finally, give her a break with your responsibilities. Especially since she isn’t doing the work anyway, take the burden off her shoulders. Let her know she can come back to work after things settle down. If you have her parents’ information, reach out to them to express your concern about their daughter’s well-being.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 21, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 21st, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Now that it feels like we have who-knows-how-long to live, I wonder if I should take a chance and tell my neighbor how much I like him. I am a pretty shy person, so I have never spoken up. But I see this man most days because we live in the same building. He is so nice and thoughtful. He is single and mostly keeps to himself. Whenever we see each other, he goes out of his way to talk to me. I really like him a lot. I feel like now could be a good time to say something, but I have no idea what to say. -- Tongue Tied

DEAR TONGUE TIED: Given that everybody is stuck at home and he lives in your building, why not invite him over for dinner? Be mindful of keeping social distance if you do, but you may be able to sit across from each other at your dining table. Instead of professing your love for him, just talk with each other over an extended period of time. That overture of the invitation should be enough for him to know that you like him. See how things unfold from there.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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