life

Bored Woman Overspends on Home Shopping Channels

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 18th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom lives in an assisted-living community, and they are all shut down now. We can’t visit, and my mom says she’s bored out of her mind. I get that. My family and I feel the same way. What I learned, though, is that my mom has been going to town buying all kinds of unnecessary stuff on QVC and HSN. I pay her bills, and I just got an alert that she had spent beyond her credit limit. I am mortified. On top of everything else, now I have a huge bill to pay for stuff she doesn’t need. How can I get my mom to stop shopping? -- Daily Fix

DEAR DAILY FIX: You need to have a heart-to-heart with your mother. Tell her the truth: She has been overspending on her TV purchases, and you do not have the money to pay for the things she has bought. Tell her that the credit card company has called to alert you of her purchases. Ask her to stop.

More important, though, is for you to call the credit card company and have her spending frozen for now. You can request the freeze without damaging your credit. What will happen when your mother tries to make a purchase next is that she will be denied. This will be disappointing to her but important for you to manage your budget.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 18, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 18th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been living it up since we have been quarantined, and I think it’s getting out of control. Starting early in the morning, he sits around sipping a beer and eating junk food. Just about every day I join him for a couple -- or more -- drinks. It’s not smart. I can see that we have gained weight, but more than that, it’s awful to be filling our bodies with so much bad stuff. It’s like party central for us, even though I’m still working. My husband got laid off, and he seems to have let himself go.

I am worried about us. If we are home too much longer, who knows what’s going to happen to us? I feel like we really have to stop. How can we break this habit? It has become a routine. -- Cold Turkey

DEAR COLD TURKEY: Invite your husband to quit drinking and eating poorly with you. Point out the patterns that you two have been falling into over the past few weeks. Tell him you are worried about your health and well-being. Ask him to join you in cleaning up your act.

Regardless of whether or not he joins you, you can decide to stop drinking and make smarter choices. And you don’t have to do it alone; Alcoholics Anonymous offers free online meetings for people who want support as they get sober. To find a meeting, go to aa-intergroup.org.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Betrothed Questions When To Reschedule Wedding

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 17th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had to postpone my wedding because of COVID-19. Just a week before it was scheduled, my city stopped issuing marriage licenses. We had people coming from all over the United States and even a few family members from overseas. Now it’s all gone to hell, and we’ve had to cancel. We lost a bit of money from the venue because of the late notice. I get it. They have to survive, too. But now I don’t know what to do. We have no idea when we will be able to get married now. Should I bother setting a new date or just wait until later on in the year to see what happens? I need to tell my guests something. -- New Wedding Date

DEAR NEW WEDDING DATE: I’m sure you don’t want to hear this, but the safest solution right now is to postpone your wedding indefinitely. It is risky to book a venue now when we are unclear as to when the quarantining and travel bans will end. You don’t want to risk losing another deposit because you chose to place a hold on a space and may have to change that as well. Of course, if a venue is willing to be flexible and work with you on your date without penalizing you if it has to change again, you may want to stake a claim. I would push it out until the end of the year, though, so that you have the best chance of things being settled and clearer as to what we can and cannot do as a culture by then.

I’m so sorry for this delay, but I will say that a marriage that lasts undergoes many hardships. Sadly, yours has started even before you officially say, “I do.”

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 17, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 17th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have been fighting like cats and dogs for months. I was planning to break up with him at a specific time when we got word that we couldn’t go to restaurants and that we had to stay home. Now we are both in our separate homes. Sometimes when I talk to him, he is nice. Other times, he is his same nasty self. I know we should break up, but I hate doing it over the phone or via email. I don’t want to wait, though, acting like everything is OK until we see each other. Who knows when that will happen? Do you think I should talk to him on the phone or write him a note to say it’s over? -- It’s Over Now

DEAR IT’S OVER NOW: The most sensitive way for you to break up remotely is to speak to each other. Choose either to have a phone call or some kind of face-to-face call. You can use WhatsApp, FaceTime, Zoom or some other technology that allows you to see each other. That’s the most intimate remote option.

Tell your boyfriend that you have something important you want to discuss with him. Set yourself up in a space where you are comfortable and at ease. Be direct and compassionate. Tell your boyfriend that you have been thinking about this for some time, but that circumstances have made it impossible for you to talk in each other’s company. Tell him that it’s over and that you want to break up in the most thoughtful way possible. Talk about your reasons if he wants to know. Be definitive that it’s over before you get off the phone.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Woman’s Social Media Rant Worries Friend

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 16th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine, “Mary,” went on a rant on social media, saying really unpleasant things about people and even naming them. Obviously, she was upset, but I think this was an unwise thing to do. Who knows who all will see her posts? Plus, the people Mary was talking about don’t deserve to be talked about so poorly. I’m sure she is feeling stir crazy from being at home for so long.

In her post, Mary was mad at a couple of friends who hadn’t gotten back to her in what she thought was a timely manner while she noticed that they had been communicating with each other back and forth on social media. She felt left out, and she went off on them. I want to step in and get her to cool off and take these posts down. Do you think that I am crossing a line? We are good friends. I would hope that somebody would pull my coattails if I made such a big mistake. -- Having Her Back

DEAR HAVING HER BACK: If you think Mary will hear you, give it a try. Call her and check in. Ask her how she is doing, and let her vent before you get into why you called. She needs to feel heard and supported, so you offer that as a first step.

Once she has said her piece, tell her you have something you want to discuss with her. Point out that you have seen her angry post about your mutual friends. Acknowledge that you understand what she is upset about. Then give context that you wish she would talk to them privately rather than putting her feelings out in the public. Suggest that she take down her post as it could backfire on her if it gets in the wrong hands. Recommend instead that she reach out to her friends and work it out -- or simply let it go.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 16, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 16th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I can’t make any sense of this stimulus plan that was just passed. I feel completely overwhelmed right now, but I know that very soon I should be getting money, which I desperately need so that I don’t lose my apartment. Do you know how to figure out how to get the money? I’m told we were promised money for every single American, even people who don’t make a lot. Do you know how to get the money? -- Stimulus

DEAR STIMULUS: You are not alone. The bill was passed recently, and the government is working hard to make it clear to everyone how to get the money that has been allocated for them. Just as we are looking at the news on a daily basis to learn the progress of the disease, we also need to be vigilant about tracking this much-needed money.

My research suggests that if you are a current taxpayer, the IRS already has your address and bank account information. If that is so, you should automatically receive a disbursement to that account. To learn more, go to irs.gov/newsroom/economic-impact-payments-what-you-need-to-know.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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