life

Aunt Refuses To Postpone Funeral

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 11th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My uncle passed away recently -- of old age, thank God. But he lived in my hometown, which is hundreds of miles away. I am unable to travel now, like most people these days. I want my aunt to consider postponing his funeral and making a memorial instead that could happen after we are allowed to travel freely again. She does not like that idea. She wants to host an open-casket funeral, the way that her whole family has done it for generations. Her daughters told me that she just wants closure. She is old and not of the mindset to postpone her grief. Am I being selfish to want her to delay the service? -- End of Life

DEAR END OF LIFE: First, my condolences for your loss. What a blessing it was to have your uncle for so long. Clearly, you loved him and want to be there to send him off. Yet, you have to take his widow’s wishes to heart. Many people in mourning experience a level of closure when they have a funeral service for their loved ones. If your aunt wants to host a funeral, do not stand in her way. You can ask her if she would allow the service to be live-streamed so that you can see it. You can ask a younger family member who is comfortable with technology to use a streaming service, like Facebook or Instagram, to record the service so that you can be included.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 11, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 11th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently started talking to a really nice guy at my job. He is so sweet, and he pays a lot of attention to me when we are around each other. Now that we have no idea when we will go back to work -- or if we will still have a job -- we don’t see each other anymore. Everything is so new. I’m not sure that it will last if we don’t have any face-to-face time.

We have been talking about sneaking out to see each other. The rules don’t say that one-on-one meetings are off-limits, only group activities. But I live with my mom, who says absolutely no going out for socializing. She says we have to stay at home except for absolute emergencies or real needs. How can I keep this relationship and follow the rules? Is it wrong to see him if we aren’t 100% quarantined? -- Love and COVID-19

DEAR LOVE AND COVID-19: Social distancing and socializing are at cross purposes with each other, and many people are struggling with how to manage their relationships at this time. Check with your local authorities to see what the rules for being in other people’s company are today. They have been changing as the pandemic grows in our cities and neighborhoods.

I have seen reports of friends meeting and walking in the park while keeping a 6-foot distance between them. Theoretically, that seems safe.

Much safer is to cultivate your relationship by allowing technology to be your friend. Video chats work across many platforms. Texting, calling and emailing work. Sending each other photos -- keep them clean! -- is another way to keep up the interest. Be patient. Agree to stay in close touch as we all wait out this wave of uncertainty.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Friend Group Wants To Start Having Virtual Parties

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 10th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I like to host parties at our home. Nothing fancy, but we do have people over almost every weekend in the cold-weather months. In the warm-weather months, we host barbecues in our backyard. Our friends do the same, so it always seems like we are at somebody’s house swapping stories and having a good time. We are devastated that we can’t get together now. One of my friends suggested that we try creating virtual parties. I don’t have the foggiest idea how to do that. Do you have any ideas? -- Virtual Party Planning

DEAR VIRTUAL PARTY PLANNING: Yes, this is a growing trend -- a perfect match between our desire for social interaction and the use of modern technology. A popular way of doing this is by using the Zoom app, which allows you to invite multiple people to join you for a video chat so that you can talk and interact while having individual cocktails and snacks at your own home.

To set this up, you have to download the app. It can be Zoom or another such app. You then create an email invitation to your friends explaining that you want to host a virtual cocktail party. Send them the link you set up as the host. Then they simply sign in at the day and time. You can take turns hosting these virtual events as long as everybody signs up. The service is free for a limited time period. For a nominal fee, you can stay connected indefinitely.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 10, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 10th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to figure out a way to stay upbeat during this period of isolation. I am so worried about how to take care of my family and myself right now. It’s crazy. I still have my job -- thank God -- but who knows how long that will last? Sitting at home worrying is just making me more paranoid. I’m normally a happy person, but I seem to be falling into an emotional pit. What can I do? -- Depressed

DEAR DEPRESSED: Being isolated from other people and not knowing how you will be able to earn money are reasons for most people to become worried and filled with fear. You have a choice as to how to act during this time. Every day you can wake up and claim the positive. Choose something to focus your attention on that is uplifting. It could be an at-home project that you have not been able to get to. It could be making a list of people you love with whom you have not been in touch, and calling one each day to extend your love. What about getting up and exercising to get your blood flowing and your spirits uplifted?

You may not find success with these options. Some people do slip into depression during tough times. If you feel concerned that you may be in this category, reach out for help. You can speak to a professional over the phone if ever you are feeling the need by calling the Suicide Prevention Lifeline -- a service available for people suffering emotional stress or suicidal thoughts. Go to suicidepreventionlifeline.org or call 1-800-273-8255.

You can also learn more about anxiety during the time of coronavirus through this link: bit.ly/2xn2Zgj.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Woman Doesn’t Know What To Do About Pregnancy

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 9th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating this guy for about a year, and I recently learned that I am pregnant. I am so scared. We are in a good relationship, but nothing close to permanent. We used protection, but clearly that didn’t work. I don’t believe in abortion, but I also don’t have a job. I’m in school. My parents will kill me if I have to drop out. I know that adoption could be an option, but I hear horror stories about how kids can feel lost when they are given up for adoption. I haven’t told my boyfriend or my parents. I don’t know what to do. -- Next Steps

DEAR NEXT STEPS: You cannot keep this to yourself. Since you intend to give birth to the baby, you will need to have proper health care and nutrition to ensure that you will deliver a healthy baby. If you are on your parents’ insurance, that will be extremely helpful. You will need to find a doctor who can support you through your pregnancy.

Learn more about adoption. You can read about it and research agencies in your area that you can interview to see if there is a good fit for you. Many reputable agencies are successful in placing children in loving homes where they get opportunities that birth mothers may not be able to provide. One avenue to research: bit.ly/2WKBsjw.

Talk to your parents and explain what is happening. Ask for their wisdom on the subject. They may think adoption is a viable option. Or they may offer to support you in rearing your child while you are completing school.

You must also speak to the baby’s father. He has a right to know that you are pregnant and to state his position on the future of the child.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 09, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 9th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a person who goes to church twice a week, sometimes three times -- for worship and for service. I’m in the choir, and I help out with the soup kitchen. Everything is closed right now because of the quarantine in my city. I am at a loss for how to stay connected to the people in my church community. Plus, I’m concerned about the people we normally serve. Not giving them food could mean they won’t get any. I want to help, but I’m not sure what I can do. -- Want To Help

DEAR WANT TO HELP: Reach out to your pastor to learn if the church will be starting online streaming of the service. That is a popular option across the nation. In this way, at least you can view your service from the safety of your home. Find out if your church is going to continue your food kitchen and if there are opportunities to help. In some instances, organizations are streamlining their outreach but not shutting it down. Perhaps you can be part of a smaller team of people who prepare and offer food to your community.

Finally, there are many organizations that provide virtual volunteer opportunities for people. It is possible to help others from the safety of your home. For a curated list of businesses to consider, go to gma.abc/2QLN2ah.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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