life

Nosy Friend Needs To Hear No

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 27th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is well-meaning, but extremely nosy and pushy. She is like the grand inquisitor of my life. If I tell her one thing, she asks me 10 more questions. If I don’t want to answer some of her questions, she gets offended and says that that’s what friends do -- tell each other everything. The thing is, she doesn’t tell me much about herself. She extracts all kinds of information about me but doesn’t reciprocate. I’m over it. I am tired of answering all of her questions. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I need to figure out how to get her to back off. Since I have allowed this for so long, I figure she will be shocked by my pushback. What should I do? -- Enough

DEAR ENOUGH: You have reached your limit, a sign of maturity on your part. In order to institute your new boundaries, you will have to flex your muscles and speak up. Next time your friend starts pushing for personal details that you would rather not share, don’t answer. You don’t have to say anything. When she asks you again or inquires as to why you aren’t answering, tell her that you have had enough of her inquisition. You do not want to answer all of her questions and you have decided that you aren’t going to do so anymore. If she acts hurt or offended, tell her that is not your intention. You just need your privacy. This may make your relationship cool off for a while, and that may be perfect, at least for now.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for March 27, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 27th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend, “Anne,” is currently searching for summer internships for her professional resume. There have been many that she has in mind, though there is one organization at which she really wants to intern. This internship consists of decent pay and flexible hours, and it looks amazing on resumes. The main requirement for this organization is a high GPA. Anne does decently in her schoolwork, but it does not reach the benchmark of the internship. This organization is very selective with its applicants. Anne has worked at different establishments and even has a lot of volunteer experience. She has all this experience, but she does not meet the GPA requirement. Should she just go for it? Or search for something else? -- Striving for Success

DEAR STRIVING FOR SUCCESS: Your friend should certainly apply for this internship and include a letter that speaks of her passion and commitment as it also describes why she thinks she is a good fit for the role. But she should not end her application process there. She should apply to several other internships, including some that better match her qualifications. Most internships are highly competitive. She should not assume that she will be selected for the one she wants. This would be true even if she matched all of the requirements.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Friend’s Request Is Too Much

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 26th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got a social media message from a guy who went to college with me. We have not communicated in more than 20 years, and there he was in my inbox. He was very pleasant, and we started chatting on WhatsApp. It has been nice striking up a casual friendship with this guy -- up until he made what I consider to be the “big ask.” He lives in another country and wants to visit the United States. He asked if he could stay with me on this visit. I don’t know this guy like that, and I do not feel comfortable inviting him to stay with me.

I don’t mean to be rude, but this request came as a surprise, and I do not want to agree to this -- nor do I want to seem cold or mean. Nothing in our communication, from my perspective, should have led this man to believe I was inviting him to visit me. What should I say? -- Long-Lost Ties

DEAR LONG-LOST TIES: “No” is a complete sentence.

Without seeming mean or cold, you can simply be honest. Tell this man that you have enjoyed getting to know him since he reached out on social media. Offer that you would be happy to meet up with him and go out to dinner or something if and when he comes to the States. But draw the line by explaining that you did not mean to mislead him in any way, but you are not inviting him to stay at your home. He is not coming to the U.S. solely to spend time with you. This is important to remember so that you do not unwittingly get stuck with this guy upon his arrival.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for March 26, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 26th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a part of an organization that requires internship experience. I have a list of places in mind, so I feel set. My minor setback for applying for these internships is my lack of recommendation letters. I keep in contact with many of my professors, but I am only close to three. In recent semesters, I have been so busy with my schoolwork that I forgot to bond with my professors. Thankfully, this semester I am learning from my past mistakes. Many of my professors are close to me, but still not close enough to write my recommendation letters.

I have until next week to get professors to write me letters of recommendation. The three professors I am close with are barely available, so I do not have enough connections. What should I do in this situation? -- Lost Connection

DEAR LOST CONNECTION: Reach out to those three professors anyway. Either speak to them in person and make your request, or send them an email expressing your need and asking for their help. Whether in person or in writing, be clear and specific. Remind them of any positive highlights of you as a student in their classes. Let them know why you want the particular internship and why you believe you are right for it. Thank them for considering being a reference for you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Grateful Job-Seeker Should Send Thanks, Even Belatedly

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 25th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, a guy I haven’t talked to in years recommended me for a job. Out of the blue, it seemed, he called me and told me about this opportunity. A few months went by before things came together. Well, I got the job, but in the flurry of everything, I forgot to contact the guy to tell him I got it. I’m embarrassed that so much time has passed, but I feel like I should still let him know. How can I do it so I don’t seem like an ingrate? -- Closing the Loop

DEAR CLOSING THE LOOP: It is not too late to say thank you. Gather your thoughts. When you contact your friend -- either by phone or in an email -- you want to say thank you for the referral and give highlights about the job so that this man can see how it’s working out for you. You can tell him you are happy to report that the job is a good fit for you in a few particular ways. Rather than apologizing for the delay in reaching out to him, give him a full report that illustrates why his referral was valuable and how grateful you are that this is manifesting right now.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for March 25, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 25th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Since I have been making my own money, I have become so greedy. Every time my family asks for money, I give them a generous amount. I never give more than they ask, though, since I want to save some for me. I have no problem lending people money if they desperately need it, but lately, money seems to be decreasing in my bank account. I have gotten to the point where, if someone asks me for money, I start to whine.

Money has made me act foolishly and childishly. I don’t want money to make me into a different person. Lately, it has been hard due to transportation fares and groceries, but I also want to help out my family. How do I tackle this? -- Greed

DEAR GREED: The fact that you have a job does not give anyone license to share your money -- including your family. You may want to make your parents the exception, as they have sacrificed so much to raise you. But truly, you need to step back and realize that the reason you have money is because you work hard for it. You should create a plan for your life that includes an outline of how much money you need to have.

It is perfectly normal for you to use your money for your basic needs, a bit of extracurricular fun and savings. Giving to charity can also be on your list -- at a small percentage for now. If you choose to make your family members your charity cases, so be it, but know that enabling them only encourages them to demand more from you. Instead, you should suggest that they go to work, too, so that they can pay for their own lives.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Last Word in Astrology for June 05, 2023
  • Last Word in Astrology for June 04, 2023
  • Last Word in Astrology for June 03, 2023
  • LW Reaches End of Financial and Emotional Rope
  • Daughter Keeps House Too Dark for Mom's Comfort
  • Adult Child Is Asked to Convey Angry Messages Between Divorcing Parents
  • My Friend’s Constant Attempts at being Funny Are No Laughing Matter. Help!
  • My Know-it-All Buddy is Ruining Our Friendship
  • My Fear of Feeling Irrelevant is Real, and Gosh, It Is Painful
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2023 Andrews McMeel Universal