DEAR HARRIETTE: I got a social media message from a guy who went to college with me. We have not communicated in more than 20 years, and there he was in my inbox. He was very pleasant, and we started chatting on WhatsApp. It has been nice striking up a casual friendship with this guy -- up until he made what I consider to be the “big ask.” He lives in another country and wants to visit the United States. He asked if he could stay with me on this visit. I don’t know this guy like that, and I do not feel comfortable inviting him to stay with me.

I don’t mean to be rude, but this request came as a surprise, and I do not want to agree to this -- nor do I want to seem cold or mean. Nothing in our communication, from my perspective, should have led this man to believe I was inviting him to visit me. What should I say? -- Long-Lost Ties

DEAR LONG-LOST TIES: “No” is a complete sentence.

Without seeming mean or cold, you can simply be honest. Tell this man that you have enjoyed getting to know him since he reached out on social media. Offer that you would be happy to meet up with him and go out to dinner or something if and when he comes to the States. But draw the line by explaining that you did not mean to mislead him in any way, but you are not inviting him to stay at your home. He is not coming to the U.S. solely to spend time with you. This is important to remember so that you do not unwittingly get stuck with this guy upon his arrival.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a part of an organization that requires internship experience. I have a list of places in mind, so I feel set. My minor setback for applying for these internships is my lack of recommendation letters. I keep in contact with many of my professors, but I am only close to three. In recent semesters, I have been so busy with my schoolwork that I forgot to bond with my professors. Thankfully, this semester I am learning from my past mistakes. Many of my professors are close to me, but still not close enough to write my recommendation letters.

I have until next week to get professors to write me letters of recommendation. The three professors I am close with are barely available, so I do not have enough connections. What should I do in this situation? -- Lost Connection

DEAR LOST CONNECTION: Reach out to those three professors anyway. Either speak to them in person and make your request, or send them an email expressing your need and asking for their help. Whether in person or in writing, be clear and specific. Remind them of any positive highlights of you as a student in their classes. Let them know why you want the particular internship and why you believe you are right for it. Thank them for considering being a reference for you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, a guy I haven’t talked to in years recommended me for a job. Out of the blue, it seemed, he called me and told me about this opportunity. A few months went by before things came together. Well, I got the job, but in the flurry of everything, I forgot to contact the guy to tell him I got it. I’m embarrassed that so much time has passed, but I feel like I should still let him know. How can I do it so I don’t seem like an ingrate? -- Closing the Loop

DEAR CLOSING THE LOOP: It is not too late to say thank you. Gather your thoughts. When you contact your friend -- either by phone or in an email -- you want to say thank you for the referral and give highlights about the job so that this man can see how it’s working out for you. You can tell him you are happy to report that the job is a good fit for you in a few particular ways. Rather than apologizing for the delay in reaching out to him, give him a full report that illustrates why his referral was valuable and how grateful you are that this is manifesting right now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Since I have been making my own money, I have become so greedy. Every time my family asks for money, I give them a generous amount. I never give more than they ask, though, since I want to save some for me. I have no problem lending people money if they desperately need it, but lately, money seems to be decreasing in my bank account. I have gotten to the point where, if someone asks me for money, I start to whine.

Money has made me act foolishly and childishly. I don’t want money to make me into a different person. Lately, it has been hard due to transportation fares and groceries, but I also want to help out my family. How do I tackle this? -- Greed

DEAR GREED: The fact that you have a job does not give anyone license to share your money -- including your family. You may want to make your parents the exception, as they have sacrificed so much to raise you. But truly, you need to step back and realize that the reason you have money is because you work hard for it. You should create a plan for your life that includes an outline of how much money you need to have.

It is perfectly normal for you to use your money for your basic needs, a bit of extracurricular fun and savings. Giving to charity can also be on your list -- at a small percentage for now. If you choose to make your family members your charity cases, so be it, but know that enabling them only encourages them to demand more from you. Instead, you should suggest that they go to work, too, so that they can pay for their own lives.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been planning a conference for my business for almost a year now. In the midst of this coronavirus scare, many conferences are being canceled, and I am getting worried. My company counts on this conference as its primary source of revenue each year. If we have to postpone it, I don’t know if I will still have a job. So much hinges on whether or not this event occurs. What can I do to help with my own job security at a time when we really are not in control? -- Facing Reality

DEAR FACING REALITY: The effects of this public health crisis on each one of us are so far-reaching that we do not yet know how our businesses and very livelihoods will be affected in the near and long term.

In times of uncertainty, survivors get creative. This is what you need to do now. Think about how this conference can be salvaged. Is there a way to turn it into a virtual event, where participants can subscribe and still have the benefit of the information and engagement, but from a distance? Perhaps you can even incorporate speakers in your virtual conference by having them speak via a video streaming service. Keep thinking. If you make yourself invaluable by using your creativity to effect positive change for your company, you create job security.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend’s father died, and the funeral is coming up. He was an elder in the community, and many of his friends want to honor him at his service -- but the recommendation for the elderly is that they not go out in the midst of this health scare. We live in an area that has been identified as having many cases of the coronavirus.

My father wants to go to the service, but I think I should discourage him. I have been talking to some of my friends whose parents are in the same predicament. I want to recommend that we, their children, go to the service but leave our parents at home. What do you think? -- Quarantine and Grief

DEAR QUARANTINE AND GRIEF: According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the group at highest risk from this disease is our elderly community. Because many elders also have compromised health, it is recommended that they do all in their power to avoid contact with others who may have been exposed to the virus, as their chances of survival are diminished based on their preexisting health challenges.

With that in mind, your idea is a good one. It will be important for the family to have representation of loved ones at the funeral services. By encouraging your generation to attend the funeral -- people who grew up with this man and can appropriately honor him -- you will support the grieving family without exposing the surviving older generation to the potential for infection.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)