DEAR HARRIETTE: There’s a pretty large age gap between my sister and me. When my mom had me, my sister was 16 years old. I have been told that when I was a baby, my sister would take care of me like I was her own. But when I turned 4, my sister joined the Air Force. A couple of years later, she got married and had children of her own. I am so happy for her. She has it all: an amazing husband, beautiful kids and a great-paying job. I understand she has a life of her own. However, lately, speaking to her is like speaking to a stranger. She and I are polar opposites. I feel that I don’t have as close a bond with her as she has for other people. My sister makes time for her friends (when she is not watching the kids), but we never seem to do anything together. I miss having this bond with my sister, and I worry that she doesn’t love me. Is there any way I can build our bond again? -- Distant Sister

DEAR DISTANT SISTER: It is natural that you and your sister are not as close as you might like. She left home when you were a toddler and built a life of her own that has been full-on with work, children and family. Rather than bemoaning your status with her, speak up. Tell your sister that you miss her and want to build a closer relationship with her.

Suggest a few options that include visiting her at home with the family. That way you can get to know her children better, too. Invite her to go out with you from time to time. Make it clear that you want to get to know her better. Be direct with her. She is so busy with her life that it’s likely she doesn’t realize how left out you feel. I’m sure she loves you. Don’t give up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who comes from a strict Christian background. We are not that close, but we consider each other friends.

Becoming so enthralled with the faith from such a young age has disillusioned both of us to the prospects of attending mass every Sunday. It has become akin to a chore, like washing the dishes. It is something we do to appease our parents, but in the end, we derive no pleasure from it. My parents do not pay much attention to me missing a mass once in a while; however, my friend is forced against his will and is losing interest. His parents are extremely overbearing and constantly nag him whenever he does not do as they order him to. He has been visibly depressed lately, and I am afraid to approach him since he is constantly pushing me away. What should I do? -- Concerned Friend

DEAR CONCERNED FRIEND: You really cannot get between your friend and his parents. What you can do is be supportive. Tell your friend that you understand how difficult it is for him. If he doesn’t want to talk, text him. Don’t be pushy. Just say that you are thinking about him. Invite him to hang out in whatever way his parents allow. If his parents allow it, you may be able to be the friend who helps him to feel some sense of freedom.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend and I used to be very close until she moved back home to take care of her ailing mother (who has since died). Honestly, she seems stuck. She is of retirement age, though she still needs to work, so she does odd jobs here and there.

Whenever I talk to my friend, I hear the same things over and over. She lives in the past. I want to be there for her, but I am so exhausted by hearing the same old stories. What’s worse is that she doesn’t listen well. So if I attempt to tell her about my day or tell her a story about something that happened, she listens for places to insert her old stories and jumps in without letting me complete a thought. It is annoying. Part of me wants to distance myself. Another part says I should tell her she’s bothering me rather than abandon her. I’m one of the only people she talks to. What do you recommend? -- Clingy Friend

DEAR CLINGY FRIEND: The compassionate choice would be to have a heart-to-heart talk with her, preferably in person. Express your gratitude for reconnecting with her now that she is back home. Tell her you know how hard it has been for her to reacclimate, especially after her mother’s passing. Note that you enjoy talking to her, but that recently it has gotten hard. Then tell her why: She doesn’t listen well, so it doesn’t feel good when you are having a conversation, and she interrupts you all the time to insert her thoughts. Ask her to try to participate when talking to you rather than taking over the conversation. Ultimately, you may also have to limit your chats with her, but at least telling her this may help her to make an effort to listen more.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My co-worker borrowed $1,000 from me last year because she was in a bind. When I loaned it to her, we made a clear agreement that she would pay me back with monthly payments of $100 until it is paid off. For the first couple of months, she honored that agreement, but for the past three months, she has given me nothing. When I have brought it up, she shrugs and says she doesn’t have it. But I see her going out for lunch and spending money on other things. I feel used. Can I tell my boss about this? What should I do? -- Repay a Loan

DEAR REPAY A LOAN: This was a deal between you and your co-worker, not your boss. Leave the boss out of it. But make it clear to your co-worker that you do not appreciate your trust being broken. Tell her that you loaned that money out of the goodness of your heart. Point out that you are not made of money. You can threaten to tell human resources, though you shouldn’t do it. The threat may get your co-worker to pay up.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: There has been a lot of growing tension amongst my family members. My family is normally easygoing and eccentric; however, lately things have been a bit toned down. One such incident that sparked this awkward tension is when my uncle openly stated his conservative political views. He made some pretty extreme comments to my aunts, who are all liberal. They had a huge fight, which led to screaming at the top of their lungs. Thankfully, the argument subsided after a while, but afterward, they have been talking less frequently. What can they do so that they can carry on the bond they once had and settle their differences? -- In the Middle

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: When family members disagree about politics, it can certainly cause a rift if and when they choose to talk about it. Since your uncle’s beliefs have been revealed to the family, you cannot take that knowledge away. What you can do is speak to everyone and suggest that you call a truce. In our country, one amazing reality is that we have the right to have individual opinions and to voice them, no matter where we are or what family we belong to. The freedom of speech is a precious right that all Americans are granted.

That said, you need to decide how you want to exercise that right. You can choose to engage in arguments whenever you are with people of differing opinions to try to get them to convert to your way of thinking. Or you can agree to disagree and decide to table political discussions when family gathers. This latter idea can help to keep the peace. It doesn’t mean that you are acquiescing. It means that you can all agree to avoid political discussions to keep things civil.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was at a cocktail party recently, and a woman I was talking to sneezed. She needed to blow her nose, so I immediately handed her a handkerchief that I had in my pocket. She was very grateful, as this helped her in an otherwise awkward moment. My question is, what should happen to the handkerchief now? Is that just the cost of having good manners -- sometimes you have to give up a perfectly good new handkerchief and not get it back? -- Rules of Engagement

DEAR RULES OF ENGAGEMENT: It was gracious of you to share your handkerchief with that woman. And yes, your assumption should be that you will not get the handkerchief back. It would have been unhygienic for her to hand it back to you after blowing her nose. Since you didn’t know her, there would be no way for her to find you to return it.

On the flip side, if you ever do lend your handkerchief to someone you know, there’s a chance the person may return it to you when cleaned, but I wouldn’t count on it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)